Members danamoe Posted June 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2018 my mom died 3 years ago, and i just really don’t know what to do you know? i don’t know why im doing this, i don’t know what i’m looking for, after my mom passed away, i moved countries right away, everything changed so suddenly that i don’t think i got to grieve, i don’t think i understand the magnitude of the situation, and now that i’ve gotten older, i think i’m beginning to realize just how big of a loss this is, it’s driving me crazy, i’m constantly obsessing over her death, it always on my mind + i feel like i’m losing my memories of her, i don’t even remember what she sounds like!!!! i know that it’s been 3 years, i know that i should have accepted it long ago ... i don’t know what to do, i don’t know who to talk to about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members L.S Posted June 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2018 I relate so much with this. My mum passed away when I was 13 and I’m 17 now, during the time so many things were happening. I also feel as if I didn’t allow myself to grieve straight away. Not only that but I agree, that as I’ve got older I realise more and more how much I miss her. I honestly was so lucky to have such an amazing mum and I can’t figure out why she had to leave this earth so early, it was really unfair!! It made me cry when I read what you wrote about hearing her voice, I can hardly remember my mums voice now which breaks my heart. Sometimes though I will find old family videos and I can hear her then which always makes me feel emotional. I don’t really know what to say in regard about what to do. As soon as I read this post I felt as if I really understood what you’re saying so you’re definitely not alone. I heard counselling is meant to be good, I’ve never been but I’m sure that’s a way in which you can get your feelings off your chest. For me I sometimes get randomly upset and it’s in that moment I feel I need someone to speak to, where I am whenever I call about counselling they always seem to say they can’t fit me in until another 2 weeks and by then the moment of me feeling upset has gone. I know this has probably not been helpful but I just wanted to say that you’re not alone. I love my friends to bits but a lot of the time I feel like none of them really understand what it’s like to loose a parent as it hasn’t happened to any of them yet thankfully! That does unfortunately make me feel a little alone sometimes. Anyway I’m sending my best to you and I hope you start feeling better soon. They say time heals so hopefully things will start getting a bit easier in the future. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MollieMcDoodlesMom Posted June 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2018 Dear danamoe and L.S. , I have sent you both private messages but I want to offer something that might be helpful for other readers too. In order to keep a few memories alive, perhaps you can have a keepsake box or board. My dad died long before this was popular when I was 12 yrs old and my mom didn’t really keep anything that was his thru the years . I do have some pictures of my parents wedding day and some from when we were little . Those help stir up good memories and sometimes I remember different things he said or his facial expressions. Please rest assured that all these feelings are completely normal - the frustration, sadness, anxiety, etc. Its okay to express sorrow . It’s part of the way we handle our emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. Actually, it’s the best way to deal with mourning because holding in our feelings leads to high blood pressure, ulcers, and mental health issues. I never cried when my dad died because I thought I should be a “ big girl “ and honestly, I didn’t know how to handle his passing. I grew up with tremendous physical pain and anxiety which wasn’t explained until I was a adult . The reason I’m saying this is it’s okay to cry, if you feel embarrassed, do it privately. Allow yourself time to miss them and acknowledge that your feelings are valid , even if others don’t think so. Thinking of you both - Frances Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members danamoe Posted June 8, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2018 L.S., thank you ❤️ I am arab, and in my community you’re supposed to confide in your family, not counselllers, so it’s not really an option, I’ve been to grief counseling before but my dad thought it was pointless, so I just stopped going + I’m not really a talker anyway, im fine, for the most part, but sometimes, it just hits me randomly yknow? the other day I was at the mall and i was trying to pick out a dress and it just hit me that oh, by the time I’m 30, I will have lived most of my life without my mom, recently, ive been getting upset a lot, it’s never been like this for me + i don’t expect it to get easier, but it’s important to adapt. sending you all the love + blessings in the freaking world ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members danamoe Posted June 8, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2018 3 hours ago, MollieMcDoodlesMom said: Dear danamoe and L.S. , I have sent you both private messages but I want to offer something that might be helpful for other readers too. In order to keep a few memories alive, perhaps you can have a keepsake box or board. My dad died long before this was popular when I was 12 yrs old and my mom didn’t really keep anything that was his thru the years . I do have some pictures of my parents wedding day and some from when we were little . Those help stir up good memories and sometimes I remember different things he said or his facial expressions. Please rest assured that all these feelings are completely normal - the frustration, sadness, anxiety, etc. Its okay to express sorrow . It’s part of the way we handle our emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. Actually, it’s the best way to deal with mourning because holding in our feelings leads to high blood pressure, ulcers, and mental health issues. I never cried when my dad died because I thought I should be a “ big girl “ and honestly, I didn’t know how to handle his passing. I grew up with tremendous physical pain and anxiety which wasn’t explained until I was a adult . The reason I’m saying this is it’s okay to cry, if you feel embarrassed, do it privately. Allow yourself time to miss them and acknowledge that your feelings are valid , even if others don’t think so. Thinking of you both - Frances Thank you so much ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members danamoe Posted June 8, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2018 19 hours ago, L.S said: I relate so much with this. My mum passed away when I was 13 and I’m 17 now, during the time so many things were happening. I also feel as if I didn’t allow myself to grieve straight away. Not only that but I agree, that as I’ve got older I realise more and more how much I miss her. I honestly was so lucky to have such an amazing mum and I can’t figure out why she had to leave this earth so early, it was really unfair!! It made me cry when I read what you wrote about hearing her voice, I can hardly remember my mums voice now which breaks my heart. Sometimes though I will find old family videos and I can hear her then which always makes me feel emotional. I don’t really know what to say in regard about what to do. As soon as I read this post I felt as if I really understood what you’re saying so you’re definitely not alone. I heard counselling is meant to be good, I’ve never been but I’m sure that’s a way in which you can get your feelings off your chest. For me I sometimes get randomly upset and it’s in that moment I feel I need someone to speak to, where I am whenever I call about counselling they always seem to say they can’t fit me in until another 2 weeks and by then the moment of me feeling upset has gone. I know this has probably not been helpful but I just wanted to say that you’re not alone. I love my friends to bits but a lot of the time I feel like none of them really understand what it’s like to loose a parent as it hasn’t happened to any of them yet thankfully! That does unfortunately make me feel a little alone sometimes. Anyway I’m sending my best to you and I hope you start feeling better soon. They say time heals so hopefully things will start getting a bit easier in the future. X L.S., thank you ❤️ I am arab, and in my community you’re supposed to confide in your family, not counselllers, so it’s not really an option, I’ve been to grief counseling before but my dad thought it was pointless, so I just stopped going + I’m not really a talker anyway, im fine, for the most part, but sometimes, it just hits me randomly yknow? the other day I was at the mall and i was trying to pick out a dress and it just hit me that oh, by the time I’m 30, I will have lived most of my life without my mom, recently, ive been getting upset a lot, it’s never been like this for me + i don’t expect it to get easier, but it’s important to adapt. sending you all the love + blessings in the freaking world ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MollieMcDoodlesMom Posted June 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2018 danamoe - For what it’s worth, I have random crying episodes . Sometimes I will be very emotional and I can’t explain it . I remember something my GP told me when I was seeing him regarding my physical health. He said that when we try to shut those emotions and feelings off, they will come out some how and at some time . He was right . I’ve had to learn to just let it happen even if I don’t like to release them . You are so very kind and thoughtful for sending your love and blessings. Thank you for caring about us as much as we care about you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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