Struggling to cope

[Healy]

Hello everyone,

Not really sure where to start. I lost my dad at Christmas 2016 and I’ve never got over it. I was blessed to have such an amazing dad. He was a gentleman, a fantastic husband for my mum and I idolised him. We shared a mutual love of football and I could talk to him about anything. I joined the military when I was 20 and that meant moving to a new country so I didn’t have as much personal contact as I would’ve liked for the next twenty years. We did however talk on the phone almost on a daily basis. I relished those calls. I learnt about his cancer around 2012 and typical of him he fought it like a lion before it eventually took him. Luckily I returned home in time to spend his last few days on earth with him. When he passed, I was initially relieved having watched him suffer so badly but as time has gone on I am struggling with day to day life. I had a promising career in the military that has stalled dead. I stopped gymming, initially quit playing or watching football and fell into a dark place that I can’t escape from. Had some suicidal thoughts, not many thankfully. I am blessed to have an amazing wife and two sons that keep me going but I miss my dad so much. There’s a massive gap in my life. Briefly turned to gambling as it takes my mind off things temporarily but that hurts the bank account. I hold a position of responsibility in my job so I can’t open up to colleagues and I am scared of having a medical marker on my records. Life just feels like it’s passing me by, I’m anti social, very insular and have distanced myself from friends and colleagues. I have developed a short temper and get over aggressive and angry at things I would have laughed off in the past. I guess that’s why I’m posting on here, perhaps someone might listen and hopefully advise. I hope it gets easier but right now it feels like it never will. If you have taken the time to read this then I thank you for this.

[tessa]

Hi Healy,
It sounds like you need to talk it out with someone or even write it out. Someone who will help you see life from a different perspective.
If you are in America, there is https://www.griefshare.org/

I'm sorry for your loss.

[sadandlost]

Dear Healy,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know what its like to loose a parent you idolise.  All the feelings you spoke about are normal.  It has been exactly the same amount of time for me loosing my mother and I have felt everything you feel.  I too became very withdrawn and depressed and irritated with everyone.  It has improved for me now but those feelings still come back and I miss her every day.  I think if you could try to talk about it will improve over time.  You don't get over loss.  You get used to it, there is a difference.  So sorry.