Ejected

[LeannC45]

I honestly feel ejected from my life. My husband was in a car accident on Christmas Eve that totaled our car. We were given a 60 days notice to move from the home we were renting. When he passed it was only six weeks before we had to move & then the final and most devastating blow was my husband getting the flu and passing away. It was literally like the universe came in and ejected me from everything I knew. I didn't have my husband's car to go sit in, I don't have the house we shared and I don't have him. I sort through why everything happened all together like that. I just don't understand. Maybe looking at the WHY doesn't do me any good. My Mom told me that we want someone to blame so we go over what happened again and again trying to place the blame with someone or something. Fruitless and exhausting.

[KayC]

Oh Leann, I can't imagine how hard it must feel to you, to lose your husband, car, and home at the same time.  I'm still in our home, if I live into my 80s or beyond I realize the likelihood that I'll have to move someday as I'm completely alone here, no support system, in the country, no public transportation.  But for now I can enjoy the comfort of the place we happily resided in together, you don't have that, it seems so unfair.  You mention your mom, I hope you have good support where you are and that you're not totally alone.  That's the one thing I find that's hard, being so alone, I feel cast adrift sometimes.

Ejected from your life is an apt description of what you're experiencing.  I think all of us want someone to blame, but who?  I never found anyone to pin it on, I just found that death is part of life and we aren't guaranteed a certain number of years and there's a whole lot of unfairness about how some of it pans out.  It's up to me to figure out how to make the best of what's left, and that's taken me years.  Never the same again.