Members LeannC45 Posted June 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2018 I talked to my Mom today about how people don't understand all the ways your life changes when you lose your significant other. When I was saying it out loud it hit me like a ton of bricks. I only sleep on my side of the bed because the other side belongs to my husband. I keep one of his shirts under my pillows for me to hug at night. I can't listen to music because it literally brings me to tears and my heart hurts. When I get dressed for work there are literally certain colors of clothing that I don't want on my body because I don't feel that bright or happy. I can't watch certain movies because I already cry several times a day and don't need any help feeling sad. There are recipes that I can't see myself making right now that were my husbands favorite.When the phone rings I jump because I don't have the energy to talk. Literally every single part of my life down to every little detail has changed. I spend my days filtering what I let in out of sheer survival. It is a balancing act that could topple over at any minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BrokenHeartedinGA Posted June 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 6, 2018 I totally relate. I lost my husband suddenly on 4-23. We would have been married 25 years. So many things I used to love to do with him make me just sad. I cannot stand the thought of doing those things or seeing those things without him. I cry everyday as I leave work because I would have called him. The hurt is so real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeannC45 Posted June 6, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted June 6, 2018 Thank you for the reply. Yes I use to call my husband everyday on my break and chat while I walked. I still find myself looking at my phone on my breaks realizing that I can't talk to him anymore. At least on the phone. I do talk to him out loud all the time. I ache to get a sign from him in my dreams or any other way possible. I think another struggle I am having is trying to find understanding. Even though I believe I will see him again I feel like I don't understand what all of this means. I guess I have started to question my own mortality and analyze what my own beliefs are. Losing my husband has cracked me open in ways that are very unexpected. I just feel lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 6, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted June 6, 2018 Those habits are so hard to get through/past. My husband and I were so close. He worked night shift and I worked days...he'd call me on my lunch break when he woke up. He'd call me just before he started work when I was just getting off work. He'd call me on his first two breaks. When those times arrived after he died, it was really hard hitting...the lack of the phone ringing was deafening. I've been sleeping in a recliner for years...our bed is too great a reminder of all that I've lost, yet neither can I get rid of it. Weird how it hits us and how we deal with it. Yes, the hurt is so real. Little by little we adjust until we no longer expect the phone to ring and we know he's not coming through the door. But we don't miss them any less, always they're on our minds and in our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeannC45 Posted June 6, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted June 6, 2018 My husband & I were six weeks away from moving when he passed away. I had to pack my entire house with my son and find another place to live that was much smaller. I had to have a garage sale because I knew where I was going would be much smaller. I almost wanted to just give everything away. I felt like so much was already taken I just didn't care. My husband has a big family that all wanted something of his to hold so I gave a lot of his clothes/hats/shoes to them. I had nothing else to offer all the grieving faces that looked and felt just like me. I now regret some things I gave away but I just keep reminding myself my husband is not in his things. My favorite things of his were the old ratty comfortable clothes anyways. I keep his old favorite shirt underneath my pillow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 7, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted June 7, 2018 19 hours ago, LeannC45 said: I now regret some things I gave away but I just keep reminding myself my husband is not in his things. My favorite things of his were the old ratty comfortable clothes anyways. I keep his old favorite shirt underneath my pillow. You know what I held after my husband died? This ratty old shirt I had been after him to discard! It had holes in it, was misshapen, had shrunk way too short and stretched out. It looked awful, am not sure why he kept it, perhaps the softness as it was dearly "broken in", but that shirt took on new meaning when my husband died. Because it was HIS and he liked wearing it. Most of the time he dressed dapper, but when he was home doing chores, he'd put on that shirt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 7, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted June 7, 2018 20 hours ago, LeannC45 said: I just keep reminding myself my husband is not in his things. That is so true and a good thing to remind yourself of! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted June 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2018 On 6/7/2018 at 8:32 AM, KayC said: That is so true and a good thing to remind yourself of! yes I think in early stages this overlaps . Right? I also have the not favorite T's of his. Just kept a couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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