Just lost my daughter

[jj in florida]

Hello everyone:

I am new here, but not new to the grief journey.

My dear daughter was killed in a car / train accident on October 4, 2010. Her birthday would have been this past Monday, October 18. She would have been 39 years old.

I am OK...as I stated I am not new to the grief journey. This was just so sudden, whereas my SO was a lingering death, 4 1/2 yrs ago. In between these 2 deaths, I have lost my dad, cousin, almost mother-in-law, and my aunt & uncle. It has been a really really hard 4 1/2 years for me.

Yesterday, everything hit me like a "lead balloon", and wasn't able to go to work. I got through her birthday, but the next day (yesterday) "WHAM"....knocked me out and I took a 2 1/2 hour nap yesterday afternoon.

The reality of it all has really sunk in, and now I am just a zombie...not functioning very well at all. I have absolutely no feelings at all. Just numb.

Still hard to realize the words "my daughter was killed"; my daughter died"; my daughter is dead; etc. I keep telling myself she is dead...on purpose...just to get the FACT into my brain. Hasn't worked yet.

I use to be on another grief site, but it is only for married people, widows & widowers and SO's. I was there for almost 2 years, but they did not have anything in regards to losses of a child / adult child.

My good friend found this website for me this afternoon while I was at work, and sent me the link. I just registered, so now I guess I am a member. Unfortunately, wish i did not have to be here, but I am glad you are here to read my story.

Not much else I can say right now except I am very exhausted, I cry whenever necessary, I eat as well as I can, and have been sleeping fairly well, only in this grief journey, I seem to be sleeping more. When SO died, I could not sleep at all. Somedays I do not want to get out of bed---like yesterday, but I have to keep going because I am a sole surviver trying to keep my house. No one else left to help me pay the mortgage....... I have been doing this all by myself for 4 1/2 yrs...since SO died. I lost my job for 15 months, but have been working part-time since July....barely keeping my head above water.....

I do feel I want to give up now............since the death of my daughter. But I won't...I will keep plugging along....until I gain some strength back from my heavenly Father...He is seeing me through this with the help of our Lord Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son.

Sincerely.

JJ in Florida

[ModKonnie]

Hello everyone:

I am new here, but not new to the grief journey.

My dear daughter was killed in a car / train accident on October 4, 2010. Her birthday would have been this past Monday, October 18. She would have been 39 years old.

I am OK...as I stated I am not new to the grief journey. This was just so sudden, whereas my SO was a lingering death, 4 1/2 yrs ago. In between these 2 deaths, I have lost my dad, cousin, almost mother-in-law, and my aunt & uncle. It has been a really really hard 4 1/2 years for me.

Yesterday, everything hit me like a "lead balloon", and wasn't able to go to work. I got through her birthday, but the next day (yesterday) "WHAM"....knocked me out and I took a 2 1/2 hour nap yesterday afternoon.

The reality of it all has really sunk in, and now I am just a zombie...not functioning very well at all. I have absolutely no feelings at all. Just numb.

Still hard to realize the words "my daughter was killed"; my daughter died"; my daughter is dead; etc. I keep telling myself she is dead...on purpose...just to get the FACT into my brain. Hasn't worked yet.

I use to be on another grief site, but it is only for married people, widows & widowers and SO's. I was there for almost 2 years, but they did not have anything in regards to losses of a child / adult child.

My good friend found this website for me this afternoon while I was at work, and sent me the link. I just registered, so now I guess I am a member. Unfortunately, wish i did not have to be here, but I am glad you are here to read my story.

Not much else I can say right now except I am very exhausted, I cry whenever necessary, I eat as well as I can, and have been sleeping fairly well, only in this grief journey, I seem to be sleeping more. When SO died, I could not sleep at all. Somedays I do not want to get out of bed---like yesterday, but I have to keep going because I am a sole surviver trying to keep my house. No one else left to help me pay the mortgage....... I have been doing this all by myself for 4 1/2 yrs...since SO died. I lost my job for 15 months, but have been working part-time since July....barely keeping my head above water.....

I do feel I want to give up now............since the death of my daughter. But I won't...I will keep plugging along....until I gain some strength back from my heavenly Father...He is seeing me through this with the help of our Lord Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son.

Sincerely.

JJ in Florida

Dear JJ,

I am so very very sorry for your losses; you have certainly come to the right place. There are many people here who have lost their precious children. We also have forums for the loss of significant others, parents, relatives, friends, etc. We want to offer you as much encouragement and support as we can.

Certainly, your faith is going to play a major role in your travel along this difficult journey. Although it must be incredibly difficult to keep plugging along, you are doing it, and we will be here to help you. Please, feel free to release any thoughts, feelings, etc., you may have here. We will be here listening.

ModKonnie