Members Foxxx Posted October 15, 2010 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2010 On September 16 of this year, my daughter's father was killed in a motorcycle accident. There were no other vehicles involved, he just lost control of the bike, run up on the curb, hit a boulder and that was it. I almost feel guilty for being angry at him... My daughter and I are seeing a greif counselor, he asked both of us to write Nick (my daughter's dad) a letter. This is what I wrote:October 14, 2010Nick,Hayley and I are supposed to write a letter to you. I’m not really sure where to start… there are so many things I wish I knew and so much more I wanted to say to you before you left us and even more I want to say to you now that you are gone.I never imagined I would feel such powerful feelings if you were to die. I am still a little shocked. I was so happy you and Hayley were fixing your relationship. I was so happy that you were finally starting to put her first, I still wonder how long it would have lasted, was it sincere? Did you really see what was important? I want to believe you did, but then why would you take such a risk that night? Why would you drive home after drinking?I have seen you all too many times control the situation so that it seems that you have done a noble thing and it actually turn out to be self serving. For the last 4 years you put Hayley at the end of your priorities. Your bike club came first and far most and you didn’t even try to hide it. Never once did you ever stop and think how those made Hayley feel. Your drinking problem broke your relationship with Hayley and even after you started to change, alcohol still controlled your life.Now Hayley can never have that time back and you can never make it right. The guilt she feels about the four years has covered up the bad and turned you into the perfect daddy. That is fine though, she needs that to be her memories. Do you realize who you were? Now that it is said and done do you realize how selfish you were?The bike club who was far more important than your daughter, this family as you and your parents call them, cared so much about you. Never once did they say, “Hey Nick you have a daughter to think about, don’t drive home, let me take you.”The wakeup call should have been the first accident. As your daughter slept you wrecked. Did you ever stop and think what would happen if no one knew that you were in the hospital? How Hayley would get to school? What she would think? At your funeral all the people told Hayley what a caring, loving father you were and how she was your everything…. Nothing but lies or did they really not know you?Do they not know how many nights you left your daughter to drink at the bar? How many times you yelled at Hayley for no reason at all? How many times Hayley needed you and you were not there?You would tell Hayley how I did not financially contribute to her care, when in reality I contributed just as much if not more than you. While you made sure that she had the bare necessities, I made sure she had the fun things that just made life a little more fun. Yearbooks, pictures, toys, dresses for dances, cameras, computers and the frilly things girls want, just so they can be cool to their friends.But all of this is the past. I suppose it is good that she cannot remember this stuff… for now.I tried to get you to understand that every time you got on the back of that motorcycle after drinking you were not only affecting your own life but several others too. Hayley has to grow up without her dad to see her get her driver’s license, see her graduate, give her away at her wedding or hold his grandchildren. Your decisions were so selfish. No matter how much I tried you could never see the risks you took. It is not fair that Hayley has to go through this; especially after all she has been through already. It isn’t fair that now I am left all alone to care for her, no one to depend on to take her vacationing or do the things I cannot afford… You have taken so much away from Hayley and me. There will always be a void there where you should be.Now the only thing I can do is try to be strong and move on… Something that you never could do.I don’t know what else I can say. I am sad that you are gone, but also angry and relieved. Relieved because now I do not have to worry that Hayley may be on the bike when you go down!StephanieAm I wrong for the way I feel? Thanks Stephanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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