Unable to comfort my angel

[John P]

 

Charlie was struck by a car Sunday evening very unexpectedly. Charlie lived on 14 acres and our driveway is a 1/4 mile off paved road. Charlie was a smaller mix, about 30lbs very fit and I term athletic, he was 14 years old, so loyal as dogs are, and loved so very much by my wife and I.

i let Charlie out after dinner as always for years, 10 minutes later he was not at the glass door looking in letting us know he is done. I went out and called him, it was getting dark and I grabbed a light and went looking around, mostly in the woods. I called for him for about 30 minutes, then I sat on the front stairs and called my son who would keep Charlie for visits as  my son has 3 dogs. My phone rang, it was animal control, she asked me if I still had Charlie I said yes but he is missing....... Why you ask I said. She said she had him, I jumped for joy asked where, she said he got hit by a car and had body trauma badly. I asked will he be ok, she said sorry but he has passed. I dropped my phone and cried out loud saying no no no!! 

My pain is for not being there to comfort Charlie when he needed me most, I did not look in the place he went, I was not able to tell him as always I loved him, I wanted him to know.

My poor little Charlie never leaves the front yard but that night he did, it was his last day with me. Charlie loved us deeply, I could see it in his eyes. I'm in shock and loaded with quilt, I loved him beyond words, i always would say "Charlie your the best dog in the world" I always hugged him cared for him and parsed him, always "Charlie your a good boy"

i am heart broken having difficult time not breaking down and crying thinking of him. He now sits on our fireplace mantel in a urn that is one Charlie would pick if he could. I am having so much trouble dealing with his unexpected passing, he had so much love in him. I am choosing  to leave him food bowels, sleeping pillow and toys as is until I'm ready to put them away. I don't want my sweet little friend gone,  Charlie was so good to us, he always showed he cared and loved us, I don't know how to deal with this sadness. 

I miss my dear friend, I want to still care, hold and look into his beautiful loving eyes. Charlie was my first dog, he was so much more, how can I be happy again missing him so much.

I want to this to be a bad dream........

[AJWCat]

Hi John, My heart breaks for you. What a terrible freak accident, I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Charlie. 

You have suffered a profound and shocking loss so try to be patient with yourself as you grieve. You don't need to put his things away. Take your time. I have suffered a sudden loss like you of my cat (who was like our child) and it was devastating. I walked around like a zombie for a few weeks. I could barely function the first couple of days. It's been nine months since my loss and I did let my guilt and anger go. The sadness still remains but I go on. I can't change it and I will miss and love my cat forever.

I have peace and I promise you will get there. Start by forgiving yourself for whatever wrong you feel you did...or not being there... and understand it was just a terrible thing that happened. 

[John P]

Thank you your words and equally is my sorrow for your loss. I don't know if I can feel like this for months but I need to talk with others, read some supportive books and try...try so hard to think our good time together.

I feel so bad for my little doggie, I pray he is ok. I spent today in the room where he now rests, still talking to him as I always did, still letting him know I love him and he is a good boy.

thank you

[KayC]

John,

I am so sorry for your loss, it's easy to see how much you love Charlie and miss him.    It's hard, we are closer to our pets than most people we know, they're in our everyday lives, and dogs have that way of just being so loving, so loyal.  I want to let you know that the intensity of your pain will lessen.  When it does, give yourself permission to smile again and try not to feel guilty for doing so...it's our body's natural way of resilience, we aren't meant to be in this profound grief forever, we can't handle it, and so our body adjusts, little by little.  I can't say when that will be as we're all different and so are our timetables.  AJW went through profound grief when her cat died, yet she is slowly doing better and you will too.  What she said about forgiving yourself is so important.  I believe our spirit lives and it's just our body that dies, and we'll be together again, and that gives me great comfort at the losses I've suffered...my husband, many pets, my parents, sister, niece, nephew, friends.  These bodies may be temporal but we continue past them.

My heart goes out to you, change is never easy and right now your everyday life just changed.  We'd give anything to have them back, if only we could.