Why am I not allowed to grieve

[TJD]

My mom was ill with type 1 diabetes for a few years. Over the years she lost her sight and was wheelchair ridden.  My dad was in good health and took care of her.  Last October they took a trip to see family, I FaceTimed them on Thursday they were talking about their trip. Sunday I get a call to say they are both in hospital. I flew home, my mom passed away, my dad was in a coma (there’s a lot more detail here but I will spare dragging it out) 3 months later my dad was out of hospital, physically on the mend but very depressed.  

I have 3 sisters, the youngest is 30, bipolar and struggles, she lives with Dad`. The next up lives close by, she and her husband really help Dad` and youngest. I’m next, live far away. then the oldest, who also lives far away, face times to tell you how she is, how it effected her, how her councilling is going. I’m a mom of 2 boys with a great husband. I cry myself to sleep every night, nobody seems to think any of this effects me! My husband expects me to carry on as normal, I had one day shortly after the funeral when he let me stay in bed and cry. That was it! 

Someone tell me why I’m not allowed to be sad.

[reader]

Dear TJD,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please know we all have a right to grieve and express ourselves how ever we want. No one has the right judge us. We must do what is right for ourselves. In a family it is hard to get support sometimes. Everyone is grieving in their own way and its hard to see how others are feeling fully.

This happened to me too after my father passed. I couldn't count on my own immediate family for support. It was very hard.

Please know you are not alone. We are here with you. And if you need additional supports please don't be afraid to seek out grief counselling or joining a support group in the community or through church. There are also online support groups on Facebook that I found very helpful.

Remember you have a right to be sad, mad or any other feeling you have. We all do.

Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

[Neer]

Dear Reader same thing with me my immediate family wife,siblings , children don't allow me to grieve or remain sad . Hence I have to weep in alone . Always thinking of my Beautiful Mother...

[reader]

Dear Neer,

I know its really hard when family members don't acknowledge our pain and sorrow or try to shut us down. I'm glad you are here to share with us your journey. It will take time to come to terms with our loss. Sorry, I know how hard it is.

Thinking of you.

[Everly]

because they don't get it.  Most people don't.  While my husband was extremely supportive, I know deep down he was worried and was waiting for me to "get better". As time passed I started to heal (it's been 3.5 years), but that doesn't take away the fact that so many just do not understand.  After 3.5 years I have accepted that and I am okay with them not understanding... they don't need to.  Men are different.  If you say your husband is great, then sit with him and talk with him.  I talked to my husband so much in the early phases of my grief... I cried so hard so so many times in his arms... I hit the floor bawling and he would come and pick me up...  I told him exactly how I felt.  I think it helps.  They don't get it.  They are men.  They are so damn different.  Also they are a bit scared I think when they see their wives hurting... they don't know what to do.  You're allowed to be sad.  .. but you cannot expect other's to get it, cause they won't... they absolutely won't.  You have to separate that.  The only people who understand "your sad" are people who lost their Mom like us and feel the same grief.  You can be sad... you cannot expect others to understand... sadly that is the difference.

[Yvonne Grace]

Dear TJD, I know exactly where you’re coming from. My fiancé has both of his parents and mine are gone. My dad passed in 2005 and my mom passed December 23 2017. It’s only been 5 months which feels like yesterday to me but my fiancé thinks that it’s time for me to move on also. I never knew grieving had a time limit smh.