lost him lost myself

[redbeard]

Life... was not perfect but we were doing good to make it better, altogether...

My only lonely lovely brother has died 2 months before his marriage...

He was an innocent and good guy to his fiancee, to his mother and to me...

My father was not a family man, we grew up together at home, under my mums caring role.

7,5 years younger than me, had to be role model and savior for him all my life.

damn it makes me cry even when I type here..

[Gigi1959]

Hi Redbeard, I know how you feel. I lost my beautiful sister on April 4th. I was the oldest of two sisters, had a single mum but she would leave us alone at young age. I was my sister's keeper, their substitute mum and their fierce protector. As we grew older, my little sister and I grew apart... but my middle sister was my best friend. She could see the good in me, she was my rock and I was hers. I am devastated by her sudden death. My husband feels bad because he can't comfort me. I don't know if I will ever find comfort. Please know you are not alone in your sadness. I wish I could say more, but I am trying to figure this out too. Take care.

[reader]

Dear redbeard,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved brother.

I know the pain is very raw during this sad time.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Redbeard, I am so sorry for your loss. It truly hurts when there was nothing you could do to save him (I felt this with my brothers) and you’re the one that was always there for him. That’s more than one kind of grief because it sounds like you were not only his brother, but father figure, friend and so much more. I imagine there are so many overwhelming feelings that you have. We are here for you and thanks for sharing what you wrote with us. That’s not easy to do. 

I love that you wrote; “Life... was not perfect but we were doing good to make it better, altogether...”

Family means everything to me. That’s how I feel a lot about the loss of my two brothers. Both were older than me, but with my brother “B” everyone always asked if I was older because I did my best to guide and take care of him. He was lonely too. We were fighting our loneliness of singledom together and knew we always had each other. It broke my heart that “B” died alone. That I didn’t reach him in time. He was divorced, but still loved her. The relationship was toxic. 

The shock, pain, and grieving will bring a person to their knees and then as time goes bye...because that’s what it takes...time. And, effort to keep going and wanting to heal; you WILL heal and re-write the story of your loss into one your mind will be able to accept regarding whatever happened, how you loved him and the way you were together. You may want to try writing more, or talking with loved ones about him, or takk to random people the universe puts in our path at the right time when we are struggling. Family systems changes, everything moving forward. You’ll find your footing. And placement with out him. It hurts like hell, but I’m in my third time doing this and I survived and kept living, even though I felt I couldn’t. Our siblings loved us and we dis our best. Hold on to that and that he loved you dearly.

I think you honor him by writing about him and sharing what you love about him, you and your life together. Share who he was with everyone willing to listen. You may cry, but some of those stories I bet, will make you laugh too. In doing that his memory will stay alive. That’s what matters, family and honoring them in life and also in death. 

Best,

Nicole