loss of an infant

[ashre]

My best friend had a wonderful sick-free pregnancy. I spent lots of time with her b/c her husband was in Iraq. I too am married with a 2 yr.old. My friend wanted to get the whole pregnancy expirence so she wanted me to be her lamaz coach. I went along with it and we had a good time. when her delivery date came and went her doctor decided to do a c-sec. (her husband made it) right after delivery she knew something was wrong b/c he didn't cry. the nurses rushed him to another hospital and later to indy. My friend was so upset they wouldn't let her go she couldn't even hold her baby. After 24hrs they let my friend leave which is amazing. while in Indy they discovered the baby to have a diaphoretic hernia and needed surgery. to make a long long story short they waited 6 days to do the surgery so he can be strong. surgery went well but later that evening complications started and he passed away at 6 days old. We are so upset. I have no words for her, her husband will be leaving soon to finish out his term in iraq and she will be left here. I need advice b/c all we do is cry together. His funeral is coming up this week. It just pains me b/c she didn't even get to hold him while he was alive. I just need prayers and advice. we feel so lost.

[shorty16]

Ashre,

There are others on this site that have lost infants. I however am not one of them. My son was 16 when he died. But, what I have found is that, it does not matter the age of the child or reason for the childs death - That was our child.

Right now, she is really hurting. The best thing you can do is just what you have been doing, being her friend, listening to her. Etc.

There are no words or no magic pill that we can give her to make the pain go away. We have to walk through the furnace to get to where the grief is manageable.

Just be there for her. Show her this site where others, like her, have lost a part of themselves.

I will pray for you and your friend.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ModKonnie]

My best friend had a wonderful sick-free pregnancy. I spent lots of time with her b/c her husband was in Iraq. I too am married with a 2 yr.old. My friend wanted to get the whole pregnancy expirence so she wanted me to be her lamaz coach. I went along with it and we had a good time. when her delivery date came and went her doctor decided to do a c-sec. (her husband made it) right after delivery she knew something was wrong b/c he didn't cry. the nurses rushed him to another hospital and later to indy. My friend was so upset they wouldn't let her go she couldn't even hold her baby. After 24hrs they let my friend leave which is amazing. while in Indy they discovered the baby to have a diaphoretic hernia and needed surgery. to make a long long story short they waited 6 days to do the surgery so he can be strong. surgery went well but later that evening complications started and he passed away at 6 days old. We are so upset. I have no words for her, her husband will be leaving soon to finish out his term in iraq and she will be left here. I need advice b/c all we do is cry together. His funeral is coming up this week. It just pains me b/c she didn't even get to hold him while he was alive. I just need prayers and advice. we feel so lost.

Ashre,

Words just won't describe how sorry I am for your friend. What a tragic ordeal for all of you. I am so glad you are there for her.She is so blessed to have you with her, particularly since her husband has to leave. How is he doing with all of this?

It is okay that you all are crying all the time. It is perfectly normal and natural. It is going to take a long time for her to feel any sense of being "normal" or move forward. She will never "get over" this, nor should she be told that she "needs" to.

My advice for you: Simply listen to her and be there for her. Her dreams are shattered. She needs people to reassure her that she can and will make it through what I'm sure is the ultimate nightmare for her. She needs support and encouragement.

Also, would her doctor know of a support group for women who loose their newborns? What about a pastor? Maybe you could go with her if you find such a group.

What a great friend you are. Please tell her about us and have her come read about other's who have experienced similar tragedies. It may help her.

We are always here and willing to listen,

ModKonnie