My Dad passed not even 2 months ago and I still can't cope

[mckennakathryn]

I never thought I'd be a kid that loses a parent at a young age. I'm finishing up my first year of college, I was doing so good mentally, I had friends I could count on, a boyfriend, I had what felt like a complete family. Then I got news that my dad passed away. Everything was so unexpected, he was away on a work trip and was set to come home a day before he left us. I was already back at school finishing up spring break with my best friend, I was away from my mom and my sister. When my mom told me I thought it was a sick joke, I wasn't one of those kids and then suddenly I was. I was the girl that lost her dad at 19, just when my life was starting to begin. Everyone assumes I'm doing okay, but in reality, I'm not. Waking up every day having to face that fact that he's not here anymore is so hard. I don't know how to cope with this, I'm internalizing everything I feel, few people want to talk to me about it. I don't know how to think, I don't know how to live my life. I feel bad when I talk about it because of the fact that  I don't want to face that this is my life now. I don't want people to feel bad for me, I don't want people to worry about me. I feel bad for being away from my mom and my sister, but my mom wanted me to go back to school after the funeral, my dad would've wanted me to go back, but I feel like I should've stayed home to be with my family. I don't know what to do with myself. People always tell me that I'm handling it so well, but truth is, I'm not, I'm not strong, I'm broken, my heart hurts, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm numb. I'm not okay anymore. 

[reader]

Dear mckennakathryn,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its an incredibly difficult time. Losing a beloved parent is a horrible shock. Please know that everything you are thinking and feeling is part of the grief. I don't know if you would like to consider grief counselling or joining a support group. This will give you more people to lean on who understand. Please know we are here with you too. I found these websites helpful in understanding my grief:

What's Your Grief

GriefShare.Org

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

There is a saying that its okay not to be okay. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Please know you are not alone. And we are here to listen and support each other.

Thinking of you.