About to lose 3rd parent in 6 months...I am scared

[NMRNO]

I am scared.  I lost my mom in November to a long battle with breast cancer.  On her 2 month death anniversary, I unexpectedly lost my dad.  I went numb and shut down all emotions.  I felt alone and numb. Both of my parents lived out of state and we did not see them often.   I love them but we did not have that "perfect" parent/ child relationship but it has still been so hard to deal with.   I was not expecting to hurt this bad.   During this same time,  my father in law has been battling stage 4 cancer.   My inlaws live in the same town as me,  they actually were our neighbors for 7 years.   My husband and I have been together since I was 14 (we have been together for almost 20 years).  His parents have been the closest thing to "parents" that I have ever had.   They helped raise my 3 kids and taught me how to be a mom.  

A few weeks ago, my father in law entered hospice care.  I tried to hold it together and be the strong one.  We went to see him Friday  with our kids  and he does not look like the same person.  He could barely talk, could not sit up and leaving I said goodbye but could not even bring myself to look into his eyes.  On the drive home, it was like I got hit with a tsunami of every emotion for both of my parents deaths, on top of knowing that I am about to lose him as well.  My husband has been spending as much time as he possibly can with his dad.  Today, the hospice nurse said that he does not have much time left.    My 14 year old asked if she could see him one more time, so we spoke with our other two kids (ages 12 and 13) and they too wanted to see him one more time.  However, as time got closer to leave, I broke down.  I went into a panic attack and I feel like if I go, I will mentally breakdown.  I sobbed and apologized to my husband because I needed to stay home.  I feel like a coward. I feel like the worst wife,  mom and daughter in law.   I just know deep down that I am not mentally strong enough.   I have never felt this heart broken and lost.  Losing 3 parents in just over 6 months is soul crushing.  I feel like I failed my family for not being strong enough to go with them.   I am scared about losing my father in law but also scared that I can't be the strong one for my husband and kids.  

[reader]

Dear NMRNO,

Please know you are entitled to your feelings. It is a lot for one person to deal with in a very short time. It's emotionally draining and you are doing the very best you can. I don't know if the hospice can offer some counselling or pastoral support during this sad time.

I'm sure your husband understands that you have already been through a lot. And so does your kids. I hope friends and family can also provide additional supports during this sad time.

Please know you are not alone and we are here with you.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.

[NMRNO]

My father in law passed away Friday.  We are all a mess.  Right now I am struggling with keeping the kids busy because my husband has been gone helping his mom (and dad) daily for the last several weeks.  My 12 year old son is dealing with the loss by trying to argue and gets mad at everyone.  It is taking it's toll on me.  Sadly, because my husband was not a huge fan of my parents and most people I know did not know them, I was left to grieve alone for the most part.  It had been hard feeling almost "forgotten".  By the time I finally told my husband that I needed him, his dad took a turn for the worse and needed him more.  

 

 This time, my father in law was a well known and loved person, so my mother inlaw, husband and his brother have a huge wave of support.  I just wish that some of the support was enough to allow my husband to spend some time at home and grieve with us. We took the kids over to my mother in laws house, yesterday, to talk about the service but the kids were too much of a distraction and not dealing with it very well that we realized that it was best for the kids and I to stay home. It is hard on the four of us without my husband here.  I feel selfish even typing this.  I truly feel guilty that I am so emotionally broken right now and need him by my side, yet, it is his dad that just passed and he needs me.  I want my husband here to hug him and support him because I know how hard this loss is for him.   

 

What I am getting at, I am a mess, I feel alone and I wish I knew what the right thing to do is.

[reader]

Dear NMRNO,

I'm very sorry to hear of your father in law's passing.

I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable. It's always hard to know what to do during such a sad time. I think you telling your husband and kids that you love them and will be there to listen is all anyone can do at such a sad time.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

Please know we are here with you.