Am I wrong to still be grieving?

[MidnightSky]

My dad passed away two years ago this month and while many things have gotten easier there are still many other things that haven’t. Example, today I was shopping with my best friend and the store began to play one of my dads favorite songs, he was listening to it a lot in the last few months of his life. I began to cry hearing the song.  My best friend said “You’re still crying? It’s been two years”. He wasn’t mean about it but it seemed he was a bit exasperated. I know he doesn’t like people to cry around him but this isn’t like I was crying at a movie or something (which I do). 

But he made me feel like I was wrong to still be crying about things. Was I wrong? Should I be all fine now? Is there a time limit on grieving?

[reader]

Dear MidnightSky,

I think its only normal to cry when thinking of your beloved dad. It is hard. Please know there is no time limit for grieving or crying. Its been 18 months for me and I still cry about my dad. Everything reminds me of him. His passing has hit me hard and I feel like I've cried more in the last 18 months than I have my whole life.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. Please don't let your friend make you feel bad about your tears. There are so many emotional triggers so tears are natural.

Thinking of you. Please know we are with you.

[sadandlost]

Dear midnightsky,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I agree completely with what reader said.  There is no time limit on grief.  I think its perfectly normal to always cry or be sad/emotional when your dads favourite song comes on for many years to come.  I don't think 2 yrs is very long at all.  In fact I still think of 2 yrs as the early stages.  I don't know why friends have unhelpful or cruel responses but they do and I think it speaks more about their own discomfort than anything about you.  I also think unless someone has been there with their own personal loss they can't possibly understand.  We are all sad and there is nothing wrong with that.  

[Dgiirl]

It's totally normal to miss our parents and to cry when we think of them or have unexpected triggers that remind us of our loss.  I think your friend was unintentionally inconsiderate and was probably feeling awkward himself.  He either hasn't gone through a similar loss, or if he has, maybe someone told him the same stupid thing and he's just continuing it?  

I think a lot of people have this misconception that you have to hide your feelings and pretend everything is OK to be strong, but I think that attitude does everyone a disservice.  I think it is important to express your feelings in a healthy way and it takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable and to show others its OK to grieve.  

I miss my dad tremendously.  I always will.  I'm positive when I am old and grey I will still be missing him.  Moving on doesn't mean I need to stop missing him or stop shedding tears when something reminds me of him.  It just means I learn to live with those feelings and I still live my life.

Never apologize for your feelings.  They are normal

[VelaBird]

One thing that people here taught me, is that there is NO time limit for grief. It's better to just let out your feelings, because bottling them up is gonna be even worse.

Your friend probably doesn't understand and I can infer that he/she hasn't been through it yet.

 

That's the best thing I say to help you , I obviously can't imagine losing a parent, but I have lost a pet and I know it's really, really painful. Sorry if I made it worse for you.

[Jane Matters]

its 2 years for me on May 25th, I completely understand, I was in a military environment and expected to be done grieving 6 months after my mom died. I let them tell make me feel like I should have been done grieving and it just made things worse for me, o still fond myself angry, frustrated, and deeply sad when I come across a trigger. It is normal to have triggers, and to have reactions to those triggers. Breathe and be yourself. Friends just don't know how to make things better, and that upsets them, and then they can allow that upset feeling to come out towards you. Its stressful having a friend go through grief and them not being able to help make things better. They just don't understand. 

[MichDL]

We never really get over a loved one's death. The pain caused by their passing away just lessens in intensity with time. But we will continue to miss them, especially if the person is really close to us and has given us so many good memories during their lifetime. My suggestion is to continue remembering your dad, in a good way. You can set up an online memorial page like what you'll see in Skymorials and put your favorite photos and memories about your dad there. You can also invite your relatives and your dad's friends to contribute photos or interesting and happy stories about your dad.

[Neer]

My Mom was extremely close to me and when I lost her Six months ago it was like life falling apart. I still think of her all the time ....