The Journey

[KavitaHubby]

I saw this on another forum but I don't know if I should put the link here so will just copy paste.. Resembles my life right now..

 

 

 

The Journey

Before we go through a loss like this, we assume that grief is like falling into a deep hole. We think we will start climbing a ladder and as we get closer to the top things start getting brighter and brighter and we keep feeling better and better until we finally step out into the sunshine where the birds are singing and beautiful music is playing and our grief is over and we are then officially "over it"!

Instead, I have found it is like being plunked down into the middle of a mountain range. We start on the top, with the breathtaking view, when life is wonderful. We are just walking along, basking in the sun and the beautiful scenery when suddenly we fall off a cliff. Now we are lying in a deep, deep valley: bruised, confused, hurt, scared, and lonely. We soon realize that there is no easy way out, no rescue in sight. The only way out is to do it ourselves. So we start working our way up the mountainside, sometimes walking, sometimes crawling, and often stumbling. It is very hard, very discouraging, and very exhausting work. Finally we reach the top and see the sun again for a while. Maybe the top will be flat and we'll get to spend a little time up there enjoying it, or maybe it is very steep and as soon as we get there we have to start back down the other side into the next valley again. 

The one thing we notice is that there are mountains as far as the eye can see. Somehow, we have to make our way through them if we are ever to get out. That thought can be overwhelming and cause us to give up for a while. But eventually we realize once again that the only way out is to keep going, so we start again: down one mountain and up the next. And sometimes on the journey, after a particularly hard stretch, we think, I'm so glad I finally made it through that!! And then we stop and look around and realize that we've been here before! All this work and we've gone in a circle and we're going to have to do it all again! And sometimes as we are climbing, we look up to see if we are getting any closer to the top, and we see a boulder heading our way. If we are fortunate, we manage to avoid it. But usually we can't, and it hits us head on and sends us tumbling back down to the bottom. 

Sometimes when we are in the deepest part of the valley, we just sit, exhausted. And we might notice some things around us that we never saw before: flowers and animals and a gentle breeze in the cool of the valley. There is a world down in the valley that we never even knew existed, and there is beauty in it. And sometimes at night, when all is quiet, we can hear the others who are in the valley weeping. And it is then that we realize that we are not alone, that others are making this journey too. And we realize that we share an understanding of the journey and of the world of the valley that most others don't. And it gives us strength to start the climb all over again. 

Sometimes as we are climbing the mountain, a helicopter may come by with some of our friends in it. Seeing us struggling up the mountain, they shout encouraging things like, I know just what you're going through; I went on a hike once. And, you are so strong; I know I couldn't make this climb! Or they ask, when will you finally get over these mountains and be yourself again? And we try to tell them about the journey and the world of the valley, but the sound of the helicopter drowns us out and they can't hear us. They throw down some food to give us energy, and it does, but some of it just pelts us on the head and makes the climb even harder. And then they leave, and we breathe a sigh of relief that we can get back to our climb in peace. 

As we make this journey, we start to notice that we are becoming a little bit stronger. When we get to the rough patches we now see that we are shaken but don't always fall. We find that sometimes we can walk upright now, instead of just crawling. And sometimes we can see a rough spot ahead and manage to find a better way around it. And once in a while we crest a mountain and see that the top is very flat and very beautiful, and we get to spend quite a while resting and recovering on the top before starting down again. And we notice that we are getting closer to the edge of the mountains; they seem to be getting a little smaller. The mountains are not as tall, and the valleys are not as low or as wide. In fact, we can now see the foothills, and it gives us hope. 

And throughout this journey, we see the others who are traveling it as well, sometimes at a distance, and sometimes up close. And we encourage each other to keep going and to watch out for certain things. We talk about the journey and the world of the valley. Finally, someone else who understands! And we cry together when it is just too hard. And sometimes, we catch a glimpse of someone who has made it to the foothills. And we are so excited for them, and we become even more determined to keep going because someday, we too, will make it to the foothills. 

So my point is this: Everyone starts on a different mountain. No two journeys are the same. Some people spend a lot of time in the valley at first, and some have more time on top of the mountain. But we will all be on the mountains and in the valleys. And we will all someday make it to the foothills. I promise.

[Lisaislost]

Wow! 

[Sabinaa]

I really liked this text... sitting here crying atm. Thanks. Also anyone that wants to chat to me is welcomed - i feel very lonely in this grief. 

 

Love Sabina (28y) 

[Michelene]

That is beautiful. Sabinaa, I don't know how to chat on this. 

Missing my husband much today. Sitting thinking of what we would be doing now. He kept me grounded and just filled my heart. 

[KayC]

Yesterday's Dr Phil show was really good...he interviewed Demi Lovato (episode 2968).  In it I remember he said something like we need to give meaning to our suffering.  I've heard that before.  I do think there's something to that, if we can turn what we're going through or have gone through into something meaningful, it helps.  It takes much time, years.  It's what I'm trying to do with holding grief support groups.  It's what Demi Lovato is doing with her Cast ministries.  Whatever we go through, if we can turn it to something good...

[Sunflower2]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Yesterday's Dr Phil show was really good...he interviewed Demi Lovato (episode 2968).  In it I remember he said something like we need to give meaning to our suffering.  I've heard that before.  I do think there's something to that, if we can turn what we're going through or have gone through into something meaningful, it helps.  It takes much time, years.  It's what I'm trying to do with holding grief support groups.  It's what Demi Lovato is doing with her Cast ministries.  Whatever we go through, if we can turn it to something good...

perhaps too soon for me.  I was approached for training to be a facilitator for grief support groups.  I would never say never but at this point in time even with training I'm not ready. Knowing this is uplifting.  You are doing wonderful in your journey!  Very inspiring for us beginning.  Thank You!

[KayC]

Starting a grief support group is something that was on my mind even when my loss was fresh...but like you, I was not ready.  My counselor gave me a 5" binder of materials and a tape...don't know where the tape went but I'm glad I didn't try and start one and use those materials.  I've learned so much more right here, and the materials he gave me were not good.  I've gotten so much from Marty Tousley and What's Your Grief and the books, articles, forums I've been on, plus having been through this journey myself (and am STILL learning through it) it's prepared me.  The time was right last year and it's been a blessing to see the changes in those in my group.  We're all a work in progress.

[KavitaHubby]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

Starting a grief support group is something that was on my mind even when my loss was fresh...but like you, I was not ready.  My counselor gave me a 5" binder of materials and a tape...don't know where the tape went but I'm glad I didn't try and start one and use those materials.  I've learned so much more right here, and the materials he gave me were not good.  I've gotten so much from Marty Tousley and What's Your Grief and the books, articles, forums I've been on, plus having been through this journey myself (and am STILL learning through it) it's prepared me.  The time was right last year and it's been a blessing to see the changes in those in my group.  We're all a work in progress.

Hi KayC,

You are already doing it here by helping all of us. I can see your efforts and replies are so true and are definitely helping lots of us.

Thanks alot.

Manoj

[Sunflower2]

23 hours ago, KayC said:

Starting a grief support group is something that was on my mind even when my loss was fresh...but like you, I was not ready.  My counselor gave me a 5" binder of materials and a tape...don't know where the tape went but I'm glad I didn't try and start one and use those materials.  I've learned so much more right here, and the materials he gave me were not good.  I've gotten so much from Marty Tousley and What's Your Grief and the books, articles, forums I've been on, plus having been through this journey myself (and am STILL learning through it) it's prepared me.  The time was right last year and it's been a blessing to see the changes in those in my group.  We're all a work in progress.

Beautiful witnessing your moving forward!!!!!  Very inspiring!

[KayC]

You guys are so kind, but I want you all to know that I learn so much from each of you too.  This truly is a "rest of our life" journey.