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Lost my little buddy of 13 years


Rosello

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Posted

Saturday 2/17/18  I lost my little baby after 13 years. His name was Porkchop. had to put him to sleep after I was told he was going to be around for a year.

Saturday Morning I planned to give him a bath, instead I took him to the Vet and put him to sleep. Porkchop was jumping around and playing with my other dog Nana a month ago, one day two weeks ago I noticed urine in the house, my dogs never do that.. I know its him for the amount of liquid, Porkchop a 12 lbs Chihuahua and Nana a 75 lbs Golden Retriever mix .. you can see the difference.

We take him to the Vet and Doctor says he needs to go to the emergency room, porkchop has a glucose level of 483 and a lump in his liver, a tumor in his adrenal glands, his little kidneys are suffering, his little pancreas is done.. its serious. After 4 days in the ER and a bill of $4,600 we go home thinking we have him for a year, a week later and insulin shots twice a day. Saturday morning we wake up, go outside, shots, water food, regular routine.. 1 hour later he vomited, looks lethargic, shaking like he will pass out, I  know this is bad, so I rushed to the vet with him, Doctor says Porkchop once again has pancreatitis, fever of 103, glucose level of 580.. I ask "Doctor, if porkchop was your puppy, what would you do?  He answered " I wouldn't let him suffer"..  So at that moment I know it's over.. called my ex husband, my 21 year old daughter, my 14 year old son.. 

Porkchop was in my hands, he was so scared but I know he felt the love we had for him there, he was not alone, I told him I loved him and that he was the best dog in the world, he faded away, his little head got heavy, he closed his little eyes, he was gone. We all broke down, my son sobbing.. the doctor actually cried and said to me in a low voice "I'm sorry"

This was one the most painful moments I have ever experienced. complete agony. My son was 2 years old when we got Porkchop, my daughter slept with him every night. at night I go to my son's room and we just cry, my daughter said to me yesterday "mom, I had a dream Porkchop was sleeping next to me.. I woke up it was just blankets" I walk around looking for him, waiting to see my little baby, when I did laundry he was next to me, in the kitchen, watching TV... It's complete heartbreak.. Sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. my kids are heartbroken and I don't know how to fix it. 

I start going through all these thoughts in my head.. was I good to him, did I feed him the right foods, Did I administer the insulin wrong.. my kids are doing the same thing. The feeling of guilt is horrible, the pain, the tears, breaking down at any second, anger with the hospital.. why would you keep a little animal there for 4 days if he was so bad.. its complete anguish. Nothing feels better. Nana is not eating, she is depressed. I feel like I lost a child.

My dog was not a dog, he was my buddy, my baby, my constant, my responsibility, my son's younger brother, my daughter's first love. How much I miss you Porchy. My litte baby.

 

  • Moderators
Posted

I read your story in the other thread.  I am so sorry.  It's common to question everything afterwards, as if we're looking for another possible outcome, but the truth is, we did our best, we loved them with all our hearts and gave them the best care.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

  • Members
Posted

I know KayC, my kids are doing the same thing. 

we are all questioning if we did the right thing. I read is a part of the grieving process. thank you.

  • Members
Posted

Hi Rosello, I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I know the pain. We lost our cat (who actually was like a dog!) 6 months ago. It was an awful traumatic experience in and of itself + the losing him too of course was beyond anything I was prepared for.

He was like our child. We were devastated and I was literally ill, heartsick, anxious, angry, guilt-ridden... I could go on. So I know where you all are. Sadly, it is all normal too and just part of the grieving process. I know how badly you miss Porkchop, and things will be tough for a while. Everyone in your family must process the loss and might do so a little differently too. Everyone should be mindful of that. Some will want to talk, others might not. I'm glad you came here, hope you find a little peace sharing your story. I know it helped me a lot. I came here often to vent. 

Thinking of you and your family. Again, so sorry.   

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Nunu’s Mommy
Posted

Sounds like Porkchop had a wonderful and loving family. Sorry you lost Porkchop hope your memories of his best life subdues the pain. 

Nunu’s Mom

  • Members
Posted

I am so sorry you lost little pork chop. My heart goes out to you and your family.... I feel your pain. I had to put my little shih tzu to sleep a week ago and I cry every day.  He was with me for 15 years and a wonderful companion.... We traveled and went on road trips together. He was a wonderful little love. I miss him so much. I'm so glad I found this site.... It feels helpful to read other people's stories and be able to share mine. Together we all will carry each other through this pain. Take care!

  • Members
Nunu’s Mommy
Posted

What was your dogs name? Sorry to hear about your loss. This group is really great. 

  • Moderators
Posted

@Teton  I'm so sorry for your loss.  15 years is a long time, it's a huge adjustment.  I'm glad you found this place, it helps.

  • Guests
Posted

Hi Rosello,  I agree with you our furbabies are not just pets they are our children and their death hits us as much as if we had lost a child.  It's hard to explain the depth of the pain we feel when our furbabies dies to people who have never experienced that kind of bond before but it is so so overwhelmingly painful and I'm so sorry you've lost your boy.

  • Members
Posted
On 2/22/2018 at 9:43 PM, Nunu’s Mommy said:

What was your dogs name? Sorry to hear about your loss. This group is really great. 

My dog's name is Oliver and he was 15 years old. He was the best little companion and love. He is a Shih Tzu. My husband and I picked up his ashes this afternoon and had a celebration of his life by reading poetry that we each had written. We lit a candle and I cried and cried. I know that his spirit is always with me.

  • Members
Nunu’s Mommy
Posted

@TetonMy baby’s name is Nunu he was 13 years old and I put him down on Monday 2/19. It’s been a heartbreaking experience for me. I’m so sad. 

DAE29BDE-8B6F-4321-965D-7ABFFF37ECBF.png

  • Members
Posted

Hi @Teton I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss of Oliver. He was really a part of your life traveling etc like he did. Like Nunu here you had him so long too.

It is so shocking when they are gone. Nothing really prepares you no matter how much you think you will understand it. Even when our animals are not interacting with us, they are there - such a comforting physical presence. I say all this because we should not feel silly or ashamed of how devastated we are. For us here, our pets are a big part of what makes life wonderful. 

I have never been so sad as when we lost our cat six months ago. (Granted I've not lost anyone super close to me, my husband's Dad being the closest.) I don't want to get "good" at handling grief but I've learned a lot through this process. I lost 2 cats before to longer illness, but this last cat, for whatever reason felt like a soul-kitty. I literally survived it one day and one moment at a time. There is nothing that heals except time and moving through the pain. 

  • Members
Posted

Hi Everyone. I just saw all these messages!! thank you. I haven checked this. I'm new here and I didn't get notifications. This makes me feel so much better.. to read how everyone cares and we all have the same feelings.. makes you feel like you are not alone. Nunu, Oliver, Porkchop, the kitty, My God KayC your husband.. to all of us. I'm so sorry. this is a great group. I am so happy I found this, make the loss feel better by knowing you're not alone. 

I am making a little memorial wall for Porkchop. I will post the pictures when I'm finish.

Porkchop Adult.png

  • Moderators
Posted

I think it's when you set up your settings that determines if you get notifications, you can change it any time.

I love this picture of your dog, so sweet!!

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