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Loss of mom


Danni Rogers

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Posted

Hello all, these forums are new to me however I thought I'd share my story of the loss of my mom in order for some friendly support or advice. When I was 14, my mom had been diagnosed with primary breast cancer in which from an early age was confusing and difficult to accept that she was ill. With weeks of ongoing chemotherapy, radiotherapy, scans and surgeries my mom had then been given the all clear. It was a year or two later that we unfortunately got the news that she was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her lungs. Through months of same treatment, we created so many memories such as sky diving, Mexico, riding a horse on the beach, fundraising events and many more. I was in disbelief that my mom was seriously ill as she always looked so beautiful and healthy on the outside, but was being destroyed on the inside. I always had hope and faith that some miracle would come along and take away this trauma from her and the rest of my family. It was the past few months that I had realised that my mom was really struggling and it became real to me what suitation we was in and have been in for the past five years. My mom died on 29th January the day after her birthday, she is 47. I have recently turned 18 so it's been about three weeks now since she passed. For the past months, my mom had been staying in and out of hospital and round my grandmas so it seems normal for her not to be in the house. The problem I am facing at the moment is that I still believe she is just at the hospital or round my grandmas and I still have this disbelief that she has actually died. I still have hope that she is going to come back and tell me that the suffering has all been a mistake. I know there are lots of different ways of grieving. I have been very occupied since and haven't accepted the reality of what I am facing. The funeral is on the 22nd and I am guessing there'll be a slight possibility that this will hit me. 

Has anyone experienced the feeling of disbelief of a loss and if so can you share your stories. 

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Posted
1 minute ago, Danni Rogers said:

Hello all, these forums are new to me however I thought I'd share my story of the loss of my mom in order for some friendly support or advice. When I was 14, my mom had been diagnosed with primary breast cancer in which from an early age was confusing and difficult to accept that she was ill. With weeks of ongoing chemotherapy, radiotherapy, scans and surgeries my mom had then been given the all clear. It was a year or two later that we unfortunately got the news that she was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her lungs. Through months of same treatment, we created so many memories such as sky diving, Mexico, riding a horse on the beach, fundraising events and many more. I was in disbelief that my mom was seriously ill as she always looked so beautiful and healthy on the outside, but was being destroyed on the inside. I always had hope and faith that some miracle would come along and take away this trauma from her and the rest of my family. It was the past few months that I had realised that my mom was really struggling and it became real to me what suitation we was in and have been in for the past five years. My mom died on 29th January the day after her birthday, she is 47. I have recently turned 18 so it's been about three weeks now since she passed. For the past months, my mom had been staying in and out of hospital and round my grandmas so it seems normal for her not to be in the house. The problem I am facing at the moment is that I still believe she is just at the hospital or round my grandmas and I still have this disbelief that she has actually died. I still have hope that she is going to come back and tell me that the suffering has all been a mistake. I know there are lots of different ways of grieving. I have been very occupied since and haven't accepted the reality of what I am facing. The funeral is on the 22nd and I am guessing there'll be a slight possibility that this will hit me. 

Has anyone experienced the feeling of disbelief of a loss and if so can you share your stories. 

 

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Posted

Dear Danni,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.

Please know what you are feeling and thinking is normal and natural. Having a sense of disbelief is part of the grief.

One writer wrote "I knew my dad was dying but I never really believed he would die." That's how I felt when the doctor called me at work to tell me my father had passed. I had just left his beside at the hospital two hours earlier. I fully believed I would see him the next day. I even went about my day afterwards, getting gas, getting something to eat, thinking about seeing the social worker on Monday.

I was raw. Everything felt so surreal. I could pretend my father was still alive but it wasn't true. I think it took me almost a year to come to terms with my new reality. I hate change at the best of times, but the finality of death was not something I could fully understand when it finally happened to me.

Please know we are all here to listen and support each other.

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

  • Members
Posted
On 2/19/2018 at 6:26 AM, Danni Rogers said:

Hello all, these forums are new to me however I thought I'd share my story of the loss of my mom in order for some friendly support or advice. When I was 14, my mom had been diagnosed with primary breast cancer in which from an early age was confusing and difficult to accept that she was ill. With weeks of ongoing chemotherapy, radiotherapy, scans and surgeries my mom had then been given the all clear. It was a year or two later that we unfortunately got the news that she was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her lungs. Through months of same treatment, we created so many memories such as sky diving, Mexico, riding a horse on the beach, fundraising events and many more. I was in disbelief that my mom was seriously ill as she always looked so beautiful and healthy on the outside, but was being destroyed on the inside. I always had hope and faith that some miracle would come along and take away this trauma from her and the rest of my family. It was the past few months that I had realised that my mom was really struggling and it became real to me what suitation we was in and have been in for the past five years. My mom died on 29th January the day after her birthday, she is 47. I have recently turned 18 so it's been about three weeks now since she passed. For the past months, my mom had been staying in and out of hospital and round my grandmas so it seems normal for her not to be in the house. The problem I am facing at the moment is that I still believe she is just at the hospital or round my grandmas and I still have this disbelief that she has actually died. I still have hope that she is going to come back and tell me that the suffering has all been a mistake. I know there are lots of different ways of grieving. I have been very occupied since and haven't accepted the reality of what I am facing. The funeral is on the 22nd and I am guessing there'll be a slight possibility that this will hit me. 

Has anyone experienced the feeling of disbelief of a loss and if so can you share your stories. 

I'm so sorry.

I lost my mum three months ago. In some ways it feels like an eternity. I know exactly what you mean though. When we lost her, I also kind of kept telling myself she was just in the other room. It's a shitty reality to have to adapt to.

I'm also 18, so feel free to send me a message if you want to talk. It definitely helps to talk to others who are going through the same thing, ranting is good.

I know it's been a month since your post but I hope you are going okay. 

 

 

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