Members Kashan Ali Posted February 17, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 Hello Yesterday i lost my most beloved Ainy (Female persian, 4 yrs old). She was the most kindest and the most lively cat i have ever seen. She was my source of calmness and happiness in my life. i bought her when she was 1.5 months old after i had lost my male cat of 1.5 years to a terrible poisonous bit by an insect. I dont think I’ve ever fallen so bad for an animal, with her multicolor eyes always filled with curiosity, her tiny meow, her gorgeous face and majestic whiskers, her beautiful ears. She helped me through my hectic work days, exam nights by staying up with me. I didnt know i will lose it all in a month. a month ago, while patting her tummy I discovered a lump. Took her to the vet, got the xrays done, they diagnosed her with a tumor growing of a size of a tennis ball near her liver. They refused to operate and gave her a maximum a year. We had no other option but to cherish her. Days went by, she started to get attached to us more and more, even though carrying that tumor inside her not once did she showed us signs she was in pain. But today i knew she was in a terrible amount of pain and she didnt show it to us. A week ago, her body started to deteriorate, she became skiny and her tummy was growing increasingly, but the will in her to live kept her going. Vet finally agreed operate her after her blood tests report showed that she was still in good condition. Yesterday, i kissed her last time as they took her inside the operation theater. After 10 mins, they called me inside to make the toughest decision of my life so far. They showed me my precious Ainy all cut open with massive tumor. The vet showed my tiny tumors growing on her liver but gave me hope that she can survive and the massive tumor can be removed. I asked the vet to continue and stood there inside watching her. After an hour long of operation, they removed the tumor size of 3 tennis balls. She started to breathe by herself and the vet was happy to see that, so was i. She was still unconscious but they had to discharge her as they had some issues keeping her the night. I had her in my lap throughout the drive. We set her in and made her a comfortable place to lie and recover and kept an eye on her. I was happy finally. I was getting my Ainy back. Little did I know. I had to leave for my class, as i got back she had passed away. I cant stop seeing her everywhere in my house. She was everything. She loved us. I am sad i wasnt with her in her final moments. Someone so full of life and joy had to bear such pain. I dont find it fair. She’s buried in our garden, but i still feel her walking around in the lounge. I didnt sleep last night, the pain is too much. How can someone so kind and joyful have to see this end. My dad is devastated. I cant believe she isnt here. The fact she doesnt exist kills me. The fact i saw those beautiful eyes one last time but they were not responsive. I miss her. I miss her face. I need to hold her and protect her from everything. I feel so empty. heres her last picture when i was taking to the vet for her surgery. I feel empty. I ended up on this forum because I thought sharing it all might help. Sorry for the long text. she even won best dressed award at cat show. We had the best time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kashan Ali Posted February 17, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 I miss her. We got her ponies and pretty collars for my brother’s wedding in summer. But she’s not here. She’s not. I am always looking at the staircase door where she would always walk out from. I miss her when i enter my home. No matter the time i came home from work, i would see her sitting the first thing. How can she not be here. How can she just not exist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Izegrim Posted February 17, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 40 minutes ago, Kashan Ali said: How can she just not exist? Because reality caught up ... she's not there anymore ...... That is the harsh reality ... and that hurts. I lost my cat to a tumor too .... You've been a great 'parent/owner' to Ainy, but now it's time to let go. Mourn as much as you have to ... time is your friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 17, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2018 Oh wow she is so beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss. So young to have something so terrible. I know how terrible you feel now. I lost my "soul-kitty" 6 months ago. My heart was truly broken. I am better now but I will miss him always. You will slowly heal but your cat will never leave your heart. You gave her a wonderful life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 18, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 17 hours ago, Izegrim said: Because reality caught up ... she's not there anymore ...... That is the harsh reality ... and that hurts. I lost my cat to a tumor too .... You've been a great 'parent/owner' to Ainy, but now it's time to let go. Mourn as much as you have to ... time is your friend People all have different ways of handling their grief and our timelines are all different. It feels inappropriate to tell someone to let go when we all find our own way to acceptance of the changes it means to our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 18, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 18, 2018 @Kashan Ali I am so sorry for your loss. Your cat is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. It's in looking into the guileless eyes that we find true love and meaning. And losing them is the hardest thing there is. It won't always feel as intense pain as it does today, little by little we begin to adjust, but for right now, your pain is excruciating, I understand that. I don't have any answers as to how or why things can happen like this. I believe with all my heart that they don't just cease to exist when their body gives out, that we are energy and energy doesn't die, it merely changes form. We made our way to each other once, we will again. It may not happen exactly like in this video, but maybe somewhat like that, at any rate, I hope it brings you some comfort as you contemplate it. To all our pets, gone before us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kashan Ali Posted February 19, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2018 On 2/18/2018 at 3:38 AM, AJWCat said: Oh wow she is so beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss. So young to have something so terrible. I know how terrible you feel now. I lost my "soul-kitty" 6 months ago. My heart was truly broken. I am better now but I will miss him always. You will slowly heal but your cat will never leave your heart. You gave her a wonderful life. Thank you! i do miss her a lot. I always see her walking around in the house or so i wish. sigh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kashan Ali Posted February 19, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2018 16 hours ago, KayC said: @Kashan Ali I am so sorry for your loss. Your cat is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. It's in looking into the guileless eyes that we find true love and meaning. And losing them is the hardest thing there is. It won't always feel as intense pain as it does today, little by little we begin to adjust, but for right now, your pain is excruciating, I understand that. I don't have any answers as to how or why things can happen like this. I believe with all my heart that they don't just cease to exist when their body gives out, that we are energy and energy doesn't die, it merely changes form. We made our way to each other once, we will again. It may not happen exactly like in this video, but maybe somewhat like that, at any rate, I hope it brings you some comfort as you contemplate it. To all our pets, gone before us... Thank you for kind comments. I have been thinking of getting a new kitten but i feel so guilty of finding happiness. is it normal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 19, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted February 19, 2018 It's normal to feel that way in grief, yes. But remember, it's not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love and it continues still, even if you get another kitten. That kitten will not replace her, but will create their own spot in your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 19, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2018 Agree with KayC, yes get another kitten if you are ready. I finally got another cat from the shelter and had no guilt. A little sad is all. So good to give an animal a home, there are so many in need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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