My beagle Starbuck

[Beaglebum]

Yesterday my husband and I had to say goodbye to my 10 year old beagle Starbuck. She had complete liver failure due to a tumour in her liver. I think we knew  for a month or so that she wasn’t well... wasn’t herself. We took her to the vet on Monday and had to put her to sleep on Tuesday. Her blood tests indicated a liver tumour had completely shut down her liver function. It’s probable from blood tests that it spread from her spleen. It’s was a terminal diagnosis. She had lost a lot of weight over 3 weeks or so but she had had a fair bit of exercise so we didn’t think too much of it because she was still eating like normal. We took her in when she stopped wanting to get up or go for walks. That day she also refused to eat dog food but gobbled up some ground beef and veggies I made.

Anyway, they put her to sleep surrounded by my husband, me, and my mother in law who she was also very close to. It was peaceful and she looked so at peace. She had been labouring with her breathing and very wobbly on her feet, so it was a stark difference. 

My heart is broken. She was my doggie girl... my companion.. I loved her with my whole heart. Her doggie hugs always made me feel better and I miss her lovely caramel smell and the earthy smell of her feet. 

She was named Starbuck not after the coffee chain, but the character from the reboot of Battlestar Gallactica: brave, fearless, strong, full of heart, and loyal.

She used to curl up at the end of the couch with me... up against my feet as I laid down on the coach. She kept me warm and made my legs cramp. It’s where she always laid. That spot is glaringly empty now. 

It hasn’t been a day yet... I can’t stop crying.

[Sassy]

@Beaglebum

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved, Starbuck. It's okay that you can't stop crying. You need to let it out. She will always be your doggie girl even though she isn't here with you physically. It will take some to mourn the loss of her, and that's okay. Allow yourself to feel the pain and heartbreak.  Eventually, with time, you should be able to start replacing the pain with the happy memories that you shared.  Try to find comfort that she was surrounded by loved ones right up until the end.

I completely understand missing the smell of your dog. I lost my boxer dog, Piper, one week ago, yesterday. I've been sleeping with her blanket every night. It's covered in her fur and her sweet doggie smell. I often bury my face in her blanket and take a deep breath. I can still smell her and it brings me some comfort that I still have that. 

I desperately, desperately miss her.  I can tell you though it does get a little easier with each day. I have "good" days and bad days, and you will too. I've been told and I've read that eventually we will get to a place where we just remember the happy memories and the beautiful relationship and bond that we shared. It will take time, but I hope that it's true. 

I hope you can find some comfort in your happy memories today. Thinking of you. 

[KayC]

Beaglebum

I am so sorry.  Beagles are wonderful dogs, I can imagine your pain at missing her.  Someone mentioned their dog's spleen ruptured, so I'm glad she didn't suffer that. I know of nothing harder than losing someone you love and are so close to, and our furry family members are about as close as you can get, they are so loving and give so much.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.  I pray as the days go by you will find comfort and peace.

 

[MyMocha]

@Beaglebum, so sorry for the loss of your dear starbuck. 10 years is such a long time together. It seemed so loving how you and your family were all there during that time. It does hurt so much to say goodbye though. Even when it is their time. Big hugs to you and your family. I still deeply miss my kitty even though it has been almost a month since I lost her. It does lighten up as time passes. Some of the people here have really helped me so much. I hope the same for you.

[Beaglebum]

Thanks @Sassy for your support and so sorry for you and your Piper. Your words are a comfort. We have another dog Sherlock (a cockapoo) and he is clearly very confused and scared. He’s always been very anxious to be alone and he always had her as he is only 3.  

I also have a 7 year old daughter who is struggling... so I have to try and be strong when she’s around.... though I don’t hide my sadness or grief. It helps, but when I am by myself I seem to fall apart. We are trying hard to strike a balance between talking about Starbuck and distraction. She keeps saying “ it’s not the same without Starbuck. It’s more lonely”. She’s a hundred percent right.

[AJWCat]

Oh so sorry to read this for you all. You and your husband, your daughter, and Sherlock are all grieving together. Starbuck was a part of the family and will be dearly missed. It's a big change.

I don't have kids myself, but I think if she mentions it, it's good to talk and for everyone to miss him together, and maybe share memories, and mourn the loss. We all grieve differently but I feel like it's good to make it okay to miss him and not to pretend it's all okay. If that makes sense? 

That said, if you need to really cry, the shower works, at least you are alone and can let it out.

[Mack2018]

@Beaglebum

I'm so sorry for your loss. It hurts so deeply and you feel empty and lost. It will be 1 week tomorrow that I lost my buddy and best friend, Mack. The 1st several days are really tough, but it will get easier to handle. Let yourself grieve without shame or judgement. This group of people are so kind and understanding. They have helped me more than words can express.