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February 1st, 2018


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I woke up at 6:30 on February 1st to a call from my boyfriends mom that changed everything. He was in partial boarding through a rehab center and managed to overdose while there, he wasn’t found in time. Our son’s due date in February 28th, 2018. He first relapsed two months after finding out I was pregnant, it was a complete surprise. The nerves, fear and stress got to him. I wanted to give him up for adoption, neither of us were ready, but he convinced me that we could be the happy family I talked about. Even though he kept relapsing to escape the fear and worrt he had about it, he could NOT wait to meet his son. Now he’s gone and he’ll never get to meet him. I don’t want to keep him, I feel so much resentment and disgust towards mt unborn child because if I hadn’t ended up pregnant, I feel he’d still be here. Because I don’t want to look at my son and see him everytime. I’m disgusted with myself for feeling this way towards my son, he hasn’t even been born yet. I can’t cope, I can’t find comfort, I’m just angry and depressed. I just wanna have him, give him up, and leave town. I don’t know if it’s the hormones that make me feel so strongly, I just need help.

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Hi, I'm sorry for your loss and the situation you find yourself in must feel quite daunting.  I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO GET SOME COUNSELING!!!  I can't say that enough!  You need some professional help dealing with this and deciding what to do, you have only 3 1/2 weeks left so no time to waste.  Please get on the phone today and talk to someone in your town that can help you.  If you truly feel the way you do, it would not be fair to the child to bring him home to that environment, every child deserves and needs a loving home with parents that want them.  That said, you might feel differently in time, your grief is so fresh and raw, you really need some professional guidance.

You can email Marty <tousleym@aol.com> a counselor/moderator from my other forum and if you copy and paste your post and send it to her and tell her the name of your town, perhaps she can help you find some help, she is a valuable source of resources.  Please do this today.

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