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Continued sadness


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I know I'm in no place to offer support as I experience the intense grief of losing my partner.  This is such new territory (his death 9/24/17).  I can only say what I'm trying to do.  It may help minimize the pain one moment but doesn't minimize it the next moment when we are in that overwhelmed state.  Focus on breath can calm the storms.  So I try to keep going back to my breath because at that moment I'm holding it trying to resist the pain. What I do know is that I understand the pain of the loss that everyone is experiencing. It is  place we never wanted to be.  It a place of every unpredictable emotion imaginable.  I wish I could run from these painful feelings.  We would all love to run from this yet we know we can't.  So so so many emotions.  Intense painful feelings of loss to where I actually feel I'm going to pass out or die.  I've yet to pass out or die so I must be doing something kind of ok.  I can't even share that these feelings get lighter or are not as frequent.  There is the numbness and shock.  That feeling still visits me but it isn't consuming me 24/7.  The feelings of the loss are there 24/7.  I'm not in a place to say it gets lighter yet.  I do know it helps me to hear it does get lighter from those that have experienced it.  It helps receiving encouragement from those who understand and know me..  It helps getting reminders that this loss is still "fresh."  I forget that all too often.  

The actual finality of this loss began to roar last week...my sleep went into a major upheaval, the crying wouldn't stop.  I did my best to enter the human world each day to avoid complete isolation. It hasn't disappeared but the intensity has subsided for now.  These emotions felt like the day it happened.  I wasn't prepared for this.  We can't be prepared. Grief visits on its terms.

Thank you for listening...sending a hug that carries with it  much understanding and acknowledgment of your loss and pain.

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28 minutes ago, Sunflower2 said:

Focus on breath can calm the storms.  So I try to keep going back to my breath because at that moment I'm holding it trying to resist the pain.

So true, I guess that's why they say "Breathe, just breathe".  It's like we have to remember to do it, make that concerted effort, it's not coming naturally anymore, at least for quite some time.  We catch ourselves holding our breath and have to let it out and breathe.

I'm sorry last week was so hard for you.  You're right, there's no predicting these grief visitations, they come unbidden to set off a whirl of emotions all over again.  We can only let them come, feel them, live through them.

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