Lost my mom...having a hard day today

[BlueGalaxy]

My mom passed away suddenly on 11/13/2017.  She had been disabled and in declining health for many years prior to her death, but the illness that claimed her life (sepsis resulting from a blood infection) was unexpected, severe, and overcame her rapidly.  Quite frankly, her loss was completely unexpected and feels like it has leveled my dad and I.  I'm an only child, and while my dad and I are very close, my mom was simply my very best friend.  

In the weeks since her passing, my grief has been profound, and somewhat of a learning experience.  I've learned what truly missing someone so much it's like a physical ache feels like.  I've learned that we are capable of surviving the "worst case scenario" even though the very idea of it is unfathomable.  I've learned that grief, for me anyway, is very much an "up and down" experience.  Today for example has been a very difficult day for me, though not for any specific reason I can think of.  I dreamed of her constantly last night, woke up realizing again that yes, she's really gone, and have pretty much missed her all day.  

 

The way I'm trying to cope with that today, is finding this place for starters.  Thank you guys for listening.  Even though I'm a first time poster, you all make me feel a little less alone in my grief.  I'm also going to try to cope by telling you all a little more about my mom.  My mom was easily the bravest, strongest person I've ever been blessed to know.  She had a magnetic personality, and sense of humor that was so awesome to be around.  Her childhood was very traumatic because of abuse but she overcame her circumstances in a way that made me proud to know her, and come from her.  Because of her early experiences in life, she told me every day some variation of the fact that she didn't feel she had a life until I came into it.  Of all the things I've doubted during my 37 years, her deep love for me has never been one of them.  She raised me by example, and I'm convinced that anything good in me came from her.  I truly believe that her and I were put together because we needed one another and that I was a gift to her as much as she was a gift to me.  I'll stop here because quite frankly, I could go on for pages about what an incredible person my mom was.

 

I didn't really have a point to my post, but rather was just trying to feel a little better during a difficult day.   Thank you again for listening.  My thoughts and prayers go out to the rest of you who are suffering from a loss of your own.