how to acknowledge a birthday

[Brody]

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[4everjoeysmom]

I think a simply stated card of acknowledgement would be nice, to let your work friend know he and his family are on your heart during this bittersweet day. I don't know if I would seek a 'funny moment'. I guess it would depend on the moment and whether something like that felt appropriate or not at that time. You can't ever go wrong with a card and just letting someone know you remember and care.

xoxoxo

Joey's Mom, Claudia

Hi all,

First, I want to thank you all for the advic, kind workds, and encouragement in my previous post about my work friend whose daugher was killed in a car crash last month.

Next Tuesday would have been her 21st birthday. I know it will be a very tough day for him and his family (he told me that today).

I'm sure he will be at work next Tuesday, what should I say to him on that day? Maybe something like "I know today would have been her birthday, how are you holding up?" Any other thoughts or suggestions?

I was also thining about a way to lighten his moodd a little as well. I had an "embarrassing but funny" moment while on vacation last week. I was thinking that at the end of our conversation on Tuesday, I can relate the story to him - everyone has laughted at this story, so it may be a humuorous (momentary) distraction for him. What do you think? I know I can't erase his pain, but I truly wantto be there as a friend.

Thanks,

Brody

[westleysmom]

Brody,

My son died 6 days before his 21st birthday. We had his funeral on the Sunday that would have usually been his birthday celebration, although his birthday was 2 days after that. On his actual birthday, I could barely get up out of bed, but my husband did go to work, he runs his own business and needed to get back. He has told me that when people would approach him at work, it was very difficult for him to talk about it, since he was "at work". I'm not a guy, and he doesn't work in an office, but I would almost guarantee that your friend will find it hard to think of anything but her that day. And it may be difficult, if not impossible to actually respond, so if you do mention it to him, don't talk long, and let him get away if you see that he's "losing it". If you haven't had a chance yet to mention Beyond Indigo to him and he seems to be holding together pretty well, you might mention the site to him when you speak to him, that you found it online and the people there seem very supportive of each other and have been through what he's going through. If you decide to get him a card as Claudia suggested, you could put the website address in there as well. There are dads and moms on here, although there are more moms than dads. It is very kind of you to still be concerned about your friend, so many people who haven't been through something like this seem to think that in a few months, the grieving is over and you're pretty much back to "normal". There is no normal for those who have lost a child, at least not like it was before. My son died in January of this year, and I still have to remind myself sometimes that he's gone. Your friend is still in the early days of this long journey and I wish him and his whole family all the best, but there is no way through this but through it.

[shorty16]

Brody

I can already answer the question "How are you holding up" - "I am not" is what he will say in his head "I am OK" is what he will tell you. You suggestion of a funny story is just what he needs.

Anything to make his brain switch gears - which will be almost impossible but for a second or two.

You are a good friend. "Thinking of you and your family today" is a good one. "I will always be thinking of your family" - is another good one.

I am astonished he is going to work. I will ALWAYS take my son's angel date and birth date off of work, because like your friend. These two dates are within a month of each other. Very hard to function.

The days leading up to her birthday will sometimes be worse then the date itself. - Why, the anxiety of how we will hold up, I guess.

You are a good friend

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Brody]

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[kmb22]

Brody,

I'm sorry I had nothing to offer you in the words of advice, I haven't reached that day yet( though it's too quickly approaching). I still have no clue what I'll do, or need. I just wanted to say thank you, to you, for being such a kind, thoughtful, man.

I noticed you had reached out on another site and was humbled by your kindness and concern for your co-worker. I'm sorry you didn't get a response there but, was happy to see here you found what you searched for so diligently. I know I don't know you but,really wanted to let you know how much your kindness has meant to someone you've never met. My pain had started to let me believe no one really cared...and then I saw your post.

Thank you again

Karen

[Brody]

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[ModKonnie]

Hi all,

First, I want to thank you all for the advic, kind workds, and encouragement in my previous post about my work friend whose daugher was killed in a car crash last month.

Next Tuesday would have been her 21st birthday. I know it will be a very tough day for him and his family (he told me that today).

I'm sure he will be at work next Tuesday, what should I say to him on that day? Maybe something like "I know today would have been her birthday, how are you holding up?" Any other thoughts or suggestions?

I was also thining about a way to lighten his moodd a little as well. I had an "embarrassing but funny" moment while on vacation last week. I was thinking that at the end of our conversation on Tuesday, I can relate the story to him - everyone has laughted at this story, so it may be a humuorous (momentary) distraction for him. What do you think? I know I can't erase his pain, but I truly wantto be there as a friend.

Thanks,

Brody

Hi Brody,

I wish I had coworkers like you. You sound like a truly wonderful person. Thank you for coming by, and like another member suggested, please give your coworker our website. He may want to come here and browse, or his family may want to come here.

What a good friend you are,

ModKonnie