Members nursereilly Posted September 20, 2010 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 Hello everyone...I'm new here... My daughter Dianne,who turned 21 on July 5th, and was a special needs child, passed away in hospice on August 9th 2010.She went to the ER on July 31st, and we found out she was in complete kidney failure...so we had her go to a hospice house.......which was unbelieveable.....they went above and beyond for our entire family.After caring for her for 21 years.....it's still surreal.......Is it normal to feel physically ill for someone after losing a loved one? We have our normal ups and downs , as anyone would....but we are exhausted (I am assuming from all the stress mentally during the time everything was going on) ....and we still just don't feel right......has anyone else ever experienced something like this, and how long does this go on?..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmomrs Posted September 20, 2010 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 Diannesmom: I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, Dianne. I am sorry that you had to look for such a place as beyond indigo, but glad that you have found it. I lost my son, Mike, Oct 14, 2006, after he fought brain cancer for 17 months. Losing a child is an experience like no other...the pain is intense and indeed, can make you physically ill. As far as what is "normal" after such a loss, I don't think the word "normal" ever applies again...we each have own new normal...I was the primary caregiver for my son during his illness, and though my caregiving did not encompass his lifetime, I can relate to how you might feel. After caring for your daughter for 21 years, you likely feel her loss in every one of your daily tasks. But it is such a very, very short time since Dianne passed, and you will feel so many emotions, different from hour to hour. None of us could say "how long this will last, " but we can all promise you that, over time---much time---you will feel this pain soften...it will never go away, but it will soften...you will find a smile on your face one day...a happy memory of your sweet daughter will swell up from your heart and reach your lips, and one day even, you will feel a laugh come out of your chest, and you will stop and wonder if it came from you. Dianne will always be with you, the sweet memories that you have of her life with you will hold you and bring peace to you...eventually. Meantime, please join us on "Loss of Adult Child", as there are many of us who post there, some have for many years, and some are fairly new, but we all share the same common connection...we have faced the worst grief that a parent can face, and we are trying to help each other through that pain. There is no judgment there, just understanding, comfort and true support. Holding you close in thought and prayer.Carol mikesmomrs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest msnher Posted September 21, 2010 Guests Report Share Posted September 21, 2010 Dianne'smom...I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter! I hope you'll follow Carol's suggestion and join us in loss of an adult child. You will find acceptance, love and compassion from many wise friends.My 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, died from injuries sustained in an ATV accident on 8-9-09. We share the same angel dates...you and I Please tell us about Dianne.Susannah/Stephanie's mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hoosiermom Posted September 21, 2010 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2010 Dianne's Mom, I am so sorry for your loss.I too, was the mother of a special needs child. I lost my precious daughter Brianna on 7/5/2009. She was 15, and like your daughter, her death was sudden and unexpected.I saw a grief counselor who likened my loss to being abruptly fired from a job that I loved, I thought that analogy was very apt. She told me to expect the grieving process to last for at least a year, but it's been over a year now and I am wondering if the process ever really ends.You can "get over" the flu, or a head cold, but you do not "get over" losing a child. I do think that the sharpness of the loss softens over time. I started taking long walks every evening, at the time when I would have been getting Brianna ready for bed, as a way of filling that void. I think that being the parent of a special needs child, we deal with a different reality than parents of healthy children (and I have two other healthy daughters) We live with the knowledge that our child's life may be brief, but not really knowing how long it will be, because it's not the same as having a terminal disease. We spend much of their lives seeing doctors and specialists and doing everything we can to keep them healthy so that they are not admitted to the hospital with any infections that could end up being life threatening. Every birthday is not just a milestone, it's a victory I'm glad that you had the support of the hospice. Brianna's last 12 hours were spent in the ICU of the hospital, but the doctors and nurses there were amazing and wonderful, God bless every one of them. In the end, I had to make the heart wrenching decision to stop lifesaving procedures and let her go. Please feel free to email me if you ever need to talk, I will be remembering you and your family in thoughts and prayers.Jenn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted September 21, 2010 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2010 Hello everyone...I'm new here... My daughter Dianne,who turned 21 on July 5th, and was a special needs child, passed away in hospice on August 9th 2010.She went to the ER on July 31st, and we found out she was in complete kidney failure...so we had her go to a hospice house.......which was unbelieveable.....they went above and beyond for our entire family.After caring for her for 21 years.....it's still surreal.......Is it normal to feel physically ill for someone after losing a loved one? We have our normal ups and downs , as anyone would....but we are exhausted (I am assuming from all the stress mentally during the time everything was going on) ....and we still just don't feel right......has anyone else ever experienced something like this, and how long does this go on?.....Hi, Yes, it is normal to feel physically ill. I was sick for months after my father died. I couldn't eat without feeling nnauseated and I had a constant headache but couldn't sleep. That lasted for months for me. It has receded completely in the past year. I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. I'd like to extend a heartfelt welcome to you. There are many people here who can offer you advice, encouragement and support because they've been through similar experiences. We will be here to listen to you. MModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nursereilly Posted September 21, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2010 Diannesmom: I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, Dianne. I am sorry that you had to look for such a place as beyond indigo, but glad that you have found it. I lost my son, Mike, Oct 14, 2006, after he fought brain cancer for 17 months. Losing a child is an experience like no other...the pain is intense and indeed, can make you physically ill. As far as what is "normal" after such a loss, I don't think the word "normal" ever applies again...we each have own new normal...I was the primary caregiver for my son during his illness, and though my caregiving did not encompass his lifetime, I can relate to how you might feel. After caring for your daughter for 21 years, you likely feel her loss in every one of your daily tasks. But it is such a very, very short time since Dianne passed, and you will feel so many emotions, different from hour to hour. None of us could say "how long this will last, " but we can all promise you that, over time---much time---you will feel this pain soften...it will never go away, but it will soften...you will find a smile on your face one day...a happy memory of your sweet daughter will swell up from your heart and reach your lips, and one day even, you will feel a laugh come out of your chest, and you will stop and wonder if it came from you. Dianne will always be with you, the sweet memories that you have of her life with you will hold you and bring peace to you...eventually. Meantime, please join us on "Loss of Adult Child", as there are many of us who post there, some have for many years, and some are fairly new, but we all share the same common connection...we have faced the worst grief that a parent can face, and we are trying to help each other through that pain. There is no judgment there, just understanding, comfort and true support. Holding you close in thought and prayer.Carol mikesmomrsThanks so much for your encouragement and support..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nursereilly Posted September 22, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2010 Hi, Yes, it is normal to feel physically ill. I was sick for months after my father died. I couldn't eat without feeling nnauseated and I had a constant headache but couldn't sleep. That lasted for months for me. It has receded completely in the past year. I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. I'd like to extend a heartfelt welcome to you. There are many people here who can offer you advice, encouragement and support because they've been through similar experiences. We will be here to listen to you. MModKonnieThank you! I am so grateful for your input......I actually thought something was really wrong with me, but I see you have pretty much had the same thing happen with feeling physically sick.....And yes, the sleeping too....I have been waking up extra extra early....not normal for me......I could go to be at 2 am and I'll be up at 545........it's almost like being unable to relax.....you feel it inside almost like anxiety non stop....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted September 22, 2010 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2010 Thank you! I am so grateful for your input......I actually thought something was really wrong with me, but I see you have pretty much had the same thing happen with feeling physically sick.....And yes, the sleeping too....I have been waking up extra extra early....not normal for me......I could go to be at 2 am and I'll be up at 545........it's almost like being unable to relax.....you feel it inside almost like anxiety non stop.......Yes, I know how that feels, but while you can't sleep, you are always tired and seem to have no energy whatsoever? I think everyone goes through that. If you are finding it hard to eat, you may want to try to drink some nutritional supplement, like Ensure, in order to keep up your strength. I drank the vanilla ones because the chocolate made me even more naseous. When I couldn't sleep and couldn't think, I browsed the internet. Many people come here, read and do some posting in the wee hours of the morning or late at night when they can't sleep. It seems to help some people relax a bit.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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