Members angelawr Posted September 14, 2010 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 Hi everyone,I just found this forum after searching for information about grieving. I like to validate where I am in the process and make sure I'm not "crazy." I truly feel like I am crazy sometimes, especially days like today. I miss my mom so much and wish I could call her just to talk. I feel scared about the future and feel very alone. This all despite the fact that I'm fiercely independent, have a great career, wonderful friends.My mother passed away unexpectedly on February 27, 2010 of natural causes. She was only 60. I'm 38. She was the primary care taker for my grandmother who is 80 and has Alzheimer's. The two people closest to me in my life, who loved me more than life itself are gone or fading away. I've done well considering, but some days I realize I just don't have anyone to really talk to about this. Most people have no idea what it's like and/or I just don't feel comfortable talking to them about it. I feel like I would just be dumping on them.In all honesty, I haven't felt like talking on the phone much to anyone. Days like today, I realize I have this deep overwhelming sadness that at first I mistake for depression. I feel despondent all day and then one thought brings it all home...I just really miss my mom. I do have happy days and days where I feel great. But, sometimes one little thought, memory, thing I see, etc. can just send me into tears. I'm not married and I have no children so I feel alone without my closest family. I sometimes regret ever getting divorced 10 years ago even though that relationship was abusive simply because I am now without my mom. Not sure why I'm posting other than it would be nice to talk about this with people who don't immediately tell me that grieving means I need therapy or try and shove the "be positive" attitude down my throat. Sometimes, I just want to know if feeling things like this are normal. To hear from other people like myself. To hear from other people who have made it through this. I already take anti-depressants for anxiety and have for about 5 years and I can't imagine where I'd be without that right now. Probably a big heaping mess! lol I'm often moody, grouchy and less then enthusiastic about things. Some days I just have no motivation to do the things I love. I just try and take it day by day. Let myself feel sad, grieve, take time off from extracurriculars and go for it all when I feel up to it! UGH! Just ugh...what would have been her 61st birthday was last week and it was painful. I can't imagine the holidays or my upcoming birthday. I want to just hide when the holidays roll around.Thank you for reading,Angela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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