She would have been 17

[hoosiermom]

September 22, she would have been 17. It's been a little over a year ago that I lost her, and I miss her so much!

Brianna was my special child. She was born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus. She had a feeding tube and a wheelchair. She was on several different medications, and she spent most of her life in one health crisis or another. And yet, there was a little person inside that body. She loved Barney the dinosaur and she loved her family. She was my precious daughter! I shared a bond with her that I know death has not broken.

Every evening, at the same time, I would prepare her meds and her night time feeding, and I would get her ready for bed. Now, I take a walk every evening during that time, because I had to have some way of filling that time. Some evenings I walk and cry and can barely see where I'm going. And other times, I walk and think of her and talk to her (sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud--don't care if passersby think I'm crazy lol)

Last year, my oldest nephew and his wife had their first child on Brianna's birthday, which was so wonderful to me, as I have always been very close to my nephew. But my sister made the comment that the new baby "took over" Brianna's birthday, and I reacted badly to her remark. I told her, it will ALWAYS be Brianna's birthday, and the new baby now SHARES it with her. Just because she is no longer here to celebrate doesn't mean it's no longer her birthday! Other than that, not one family member or friend called to acknowledge what the day was. I took my two other daughters to Brianna's grave and we wrote messages on balloons and let them go, and watched until we could no longer see them.

I knew from the day she was born that her time would probably be short and so I never wasted a moment. I loved her deeply and took on the responsibilities of her care with a cheerful heart and always remembered to thank God for each and every day. That didn't make letting her go any easier....I'm her momma and I was selfish and wanted just a little more time

[westleysmom]

Jenn,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My son Westley would have been 21 on Jan 19 this year, but he died in his sleep on January 13. He had sleep apnea, but he had also had a few beers and took some kind of prescription painkiller, which is what the Med examiner said was the cause of death. It doesn't seem real, even now, does it? I never dreamed that Westley would go before me, and he was a regular guy, we fought like most parents of young adult sons do. It is very hard to think about those days. You must be a very kind and caring person, and I'm sure that you miss her every moment. Are your daughters younger than Brianna? I hope they are doing well. And about your family, I have found that most people that I'm not with on a regular basis, even if they are close family members, have no idea what it is like for me now. They seem awkward and uncomfortable when Westley's name comes up. I don't think they know quite what to say or do.

If you want to post on Loss of Adult Child, there are lots of parents over there who have been very kind to me. They understand, because we've all been through the death of a child that we loved dearly. They post pictures and help each other through the bad days and cheer each other through the good ones, which blessedly do come, just not as easily as before. I hope that if you feel like you want to, you'll come over there and introduce yourself and your angel. We are both so new to this compared to some of the others. Peace to you friend

[ModKonnie]

September 22, she would have been 17. It's been a little over a year ago that I lost her, and I miss her so much!

Brianna was my special child. She was born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus. She had a feeding tube and a wheelchair. She was on several different medications, and she spent most of her life in one health crisis or another. And yet, there was a little person inside that body. She loved Barney the dinosaur and she loved her family. She was my precious daughter! I shared a bond with her that I know death has not broken.

Every evening, at the same time, I would prepare her meds and her night time feeding, and I would get her ready for bed. Now, I take a walk every evening during that time, because I had to have some way of filling that time. Some evenings I walk and cry and can barely see where I'm going. And other times, I walk and think of her and talk to her (sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud--don't care if passersby think I'm crazy lol)

Last year, my oldest nephew and his wife had their first child on Brianna's birthday, which was so wonderful to me, as I have always been very close to my nephew. But my sister made the comment that the new baby "took over" Brianna's birthday, and I reacted badly to her remark. I told her, it will ALWAYS be Brianna's birthday, and the new baby now SHARES it with her. Just because she is no longer here to celebrate doesn't mean it's no longer her birthday! Other than that, not one family member or friend called to acknowledge what the day was. I took my two other daughters to Brianna's grave and we wrote messages on balloons and let them go, and watched until we could no longer see them.

I knew from the day she was born that her time would probably be short and so I never wasted a moment. I loved her deeply and took on the responsibilities of her care with a cheerful heart and always remembered to thank God for each and every day. That didn't make letting her go any easier....I'm her momma and I was selfish and wanted just a little more time

Hi Jenn,

I am so sorry about the passing of Brianna. It sounds like you are such a loving, wonderful mother. You have certainly come to the right place here. There are people that have experienced the loss of their beloved children, and they will be able to give you the support, encouragement and advice based on their own experiences along this grief journey. Come here as often as you'd like, feel free to post as long or as little as you feel and we will be here for you.

Konnie