I want my mommy...

[Saitaina]

My mother died earlier this morning...she had killed herself.

I thought I had handled it well, I cried yeah, but I had been able to pull myself together and get things taken care of.

...I just woke up screaming from a nightmare, terrified out of my mind, screaming for my mother...except, she never came and now I'm still scared, I can't stop shaking and I can't stop crying.

I...I don't know what I'm doing. I'm an only child who has relied on my mother for everything (and visa versa), I used to joke, that since we lived with each other for twenty-nine years, we outlasted most married couples...but nothing has prepared me for this. I...I don't even know what the hell I'm suppsosed to be doing, how I'm going to take care of her affairs.

I want....I want to be five again, with mommy taking care of everything. I don't want to be sitting here in a cold, lonely house that I can't afford, trying to figure out how I'm going to survive period, let alone survive the grieving process.

I'm sorry if I sound like a whiney child, I really had no one but my mother in my life and now that she's gone, I feel very alone and confused. Probably doesn't help that thanks to certain past issues, I'm not as emotionally mature as my physical age...I try, but it was always so much easier with the safety net of mom to fall back on.

[hotrod]

Dear Saitaina

I am so sorry for the terrible tradegy that touched your life today. It is so understandable to be so lost and saddened. I am so glad you found this Board to express your loss and profound unhappiness. I did appreciate the beautiful picture that you posted. Such a sweet and kind expression .

Please know that you will be given the strength to handle this dreadful event. Do not worry about anything. Try to take care of you and do the next right thing for your peace of mnd and health. Come here post, cry and know you ar not alone.

I also know of a Suicide Survivors Message Board that is very active that would be able to supppot you a this difficult time as well It is found here:

http://forum.forsuicidesurvivors.com

[ModKonnie]

My mother died earlier this morning...she had killed herself.

I thought I had handled it well, I cried yeah, but I had been able to pull myself together and get things taken care of.

...I just woke up screaming from a nightmare, terrified out of my mind, screaming for my mother...except, she never came and now I'm still scared, I can't stop shaking and I can't stop crying.

I...I don't know what I'm doing. I'm an only child who has relied on my mother for everything (and visa versa), I used to joke, that since we lived with each other for twenty-nine years, we outlasted most married couples...but nothing has prepared me for this. I...I don't even know what the hell I'm suppsosed to be doing, how I'm going to take care of her affairs.

I want....I want to be five again, with mommy taking care of everything. I don't want to be sitting here in a cold, lonely house that I can't afford, trying to figure out how I'm going to survive period, let alone survive the grieving process.

I'm sorry if I sound like a whiney child, I really had no one but my mother in my life and now that she's gone, I feel very alone and confused. Probably doesn't help that thanks to certain past issues, I'm not as emotionally mature as my physical age...I try, but it was always so much easier with the safety net of mom to fall back on.

Saitaina,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss, but you have come to a good place to receive support and encouragement. Do you have any friends or other family to be with you right now? What about a close co-worker or pastor of a church? Is anyone at

Try to take just a moment at a time, and you certainly don't sound like a whiny child. You sound like any grieving child does when their parent dies. It is very scary and lonely no matter how old you are when your parent passes. It's okay to cry and be afraid and confused right now. Come here and post as much as you want, we will be here listening and offering our shoulders to cry on.

Konnie

[thecrowsdaughter]

I don't have any fantastic advice or magical solution to your feelings and I will keep you in my prayers. I am so very sorry you have lost your mom, I know how it hurts. I want my mommy too. And although its hard, please remember your mom would want you to be strong and live your life, and she would want you to be happy. I know "happy" is just a stupid word or concept right now but she would want that for you. Hugs to you k