I just lost my 21yr old son

[suzy9688]

my name is suzy and i just lost my son from a accidental shooting .The worst part was I got to see it all. It has only been a month. I truely dont know how to get through this , I would love for anyone that has been through this to help me in anyway you can.Idont want to go on without him.HELP

[Eric]

i am truly sorry to hear about your loss, there are many people on the forum who may understand what you're dealing with and be able to help out. I hope you do not mind, but i have moved your post from the tech support forum to the loss of a child forum as i felt it was the place where to most people would see it and be able to help you. thanks.

[suzy9688]

i am truly sorry to hear about your loss, there are many people on the forum who may understand what you're dealing with and be able to help out. I hope you do not mind, but i have moved your post from the tech support forum to the loss of a child forum as i felt it was the place where to most people would see it and be able to help you. thanks.

Eric as you can see I really dont know what I am doing thanks for the help

[Eric]

don't worry at all, youre not here to learn how to use the forum. I'm here to help you with any questions you have on that, and we have the community to help you with anything else. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns and i'll be glad to help out!

[hotrod]

Dear Suzy

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. It has been such a short time since your experienced this horribly tragic event that I am sure you are in terrible pain and oh so saddened

There are many of us, parents who have lost a child here and if you like you can find us by posting on the

Loss of an Adult Child section of this board.

. I lost my only son Stephen 3 years ago after a short illness. I came here and did not know what to do or say. Many days I just signed on cried and read It helped because I felt connected to others who were traveling this difficult impossible road. Slowly I began to post and talk about my son I posted his picture and each day I talked a bit more and my pain began to soften

This is a very painful process You are not alone Please post a picture of your wonderful son, Tell us about him and know we have been/ are in the same painful road you are on

You are not alone

[shorty16]

Dear Suzy

You have come to the right place. All of us on this link have lost a child. Any reason, any age. My son, Brian was 16 when he decided to climb on the hood of a car and his friend drove very fast, lost control and took out 3 trees. Brian hit the ground and died within minutes. The accident scene is 1/4 mile from our home. Brian's friend is now a convicted felon at 18. No one wins.

I know I am living a nightmare, but being here really helps me to realize their is life after our child's death. I know you do not see that now, but there is and we are here to help you find it.

Right now, standing up-right and breathing is what you strive for. Your loss is so new. I felt your pain.

Be kind to yourself. Your brain has been tramatized and is not functioning at full capacity. Some might say I am like that all the time (haha).

Stay strong and know that you are among those who know.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ModKonnie]

my name is suzy and i just lost my son from a accidental shooting .The worst part was I got to see it all. It has only been a month. I truely dont know how to get through this , I would love for anyone that has been through this to help me in anyway you can.Idont want to go on without him.HELP

Hi Suzy,

I am so terribly sorry to hear about your son. There are people here who have also lost their children, and they will be able to give you support, encouragement and advice based on their own tragic experiences and how they managed to cope.

We will be here for you in any way we can.

Konnie

[ericasmom]

Hi Suzy,

I can't stay on long as we have someone coming over, but I want to welcome you with my open arms, a hug to you as you struggle to find your way. I know that what you are living with is unimaginable for most, but we here can listen to all of the details of what brought you to this tragic place in your life and we will still be here tomorrow listening. It is a fellowship really, of broken hearted parents who find ways to piece it back together to live where our Child no longer can.

It must be so very hard for you to have witnessed your Son's shooting, please know that we are here to help.

Erica was 19 when she was driving adn an Amtrak struck her car at a broken crossing. She died 6 days later. This happened 7 years ago., so let those of us here before you make you see that living is possible even on the days, weeks and longer where you don't want to. He wants you to.

Love to you,

dee

[krichie]

Suzy- I hate to welcome you to a site like this but I am glad you found us. I am so sorry for your loss and having to witness it from the sounds of it. I lost my son Richie to a drunk driver on 10/5/09 and I am still most days like a robot. I am better then I was a year ago but will never be who I was again. There is no way my son would want me to give up so I struggle to be the Mom he new and loved and to stay here in this world without him.

the forum lost of adult child is where we are no matter age of child it is more populateds there soi come join us and let us get to know you and your son

[konniet]

Suzy I lost my son Dec 9th 2009 an accidental carbon monixide poisoning. We all know your pain and some will tell you time will heal. I dont know that it will heal but it does get a little easier at times. Just know you have to lean on your family and friends and let them know how you are feeling. They dont say much because they dont know what to say not because they dont care. What I did was picked one friend that I knew I could talk to anytime I needed it and know you will need it many times for quite awhile and I would call her just to chat even if we never mentioned Trents name. I still cry everyday for him but I know he would want me to go on and try to build a memory of him for his 5yr old daughter who probably wont remember him so that is what I am doing to try to get thru this. You will get thru this in your own way .just know we are here for you anytime you want to chat . With much love and compassion Konnie Tracy

[heartbeataway]

my name is suzy and i just lost my son from a accidental shooting .The worst part was I got to see it all. It has only been a month. I truely dont know how to get through this , I would love for anyone that has been through this to help me in anyway you can.Idont want to go on without him.HELP

Suzy,

I am so very sorry for your loss!

You will get through this one day, one hour , one minute at a time.

You will get through this one step, one breath, one heartbeat at a time.

But, don't expect too much of yourself and don't expect anything quickly ...... doesn't work that way. But the pain you're feeling so strongly will get softer as you traverse this difficult journey of grief.

I think many of us have thought that we couldn't or didn't want to "go on". The pain of the loss is that overwhelming. I, for one, contemplated how much easier and less painful it would be not to go on. But, I have a wonderful husband that loves me and we share life together. How could I be so selfish as to hurt the ones who love and care about me? I realized that I'm not alone and the loss of my son was not just my loss. I also known that our son would NEVER want that!

So, we've corralled that energy into trying to make a difference ...... you'll find that many on this site have done that very thing in a variety of ways. It's inspiring!

Sadly, it's a lifelong journey. For me, that's okay, it means I had someone so special in my life that even grieving a lifetime will not remove the sweet spirit or the warm memories that he gave us before he left.

Jason, my only child, our only son died suddenly from undiagnosed heart disease (ARVD/C) in April, 2007. His first manifestation was his sudden death. He was 31 years old, engaged to be married in October and the owner of his own small construction company.

I describe him as " all boy" ...... mud & trucks and a beer or two. He was intelligent, witty and good looking. He loved his family and had wonderful lifelong friends.

A "scrubbed in sunshine" kind of guy who could light up a room with his sweet smile. He wasn't afraid to say, "I love you" and you knew he meant it when he said it.

I describe my grief as, "the background noise in my life". Ever present, softer now but at times it still gets so loud that all other "life" is drowned out for a while. Most other folks don't "hear" or understand that grief becomes part of your life so that don't understand the distraction. You'll be expected to "get over" it but that will never happen. You wait and it gets softer again for a while as life goes on.

Take good care of yourself, drink water, nourish your body, sleep when you can and allow yourself to grieve openly. It's okay, you have the right to grieve and grieve hard. It's the healing process at work. You have a wound that is deep and raw and the only healing potion known is time and the grieving process.

Tell us about your son. What is his name? What does he look like? How old is he? What did he like to do?

I've said time and again, Just pour your heart out with your keyboard and we will be here, listening with our eyes and responding as kindred spirits with broken, grieving, understanding hearts.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss but glad that you found your way here. You are not alone!

I wish you peace and strength as you struggle to navigate this journey .

300FBFBE-F008-DC26-1BB5-765664DD600C1.02.28

[vernassmom]

Next month on October 10th it will be 9 years since that afternoon the phone rang and I found out that my 21 year old daughter had died instantly in an accident caused by a drunk driver.

I do know the pain , heartbreak, numbing blackness his passing has put you in . I know we share the same emotions as parents that has had our child taken suddenly from our world.

I wish I had something to say or something in my pocket or knew of a store that sells something that would lessen your heartbreak . But, I don't.

What I do have is the same advice a mother who had lost her boy suddenly 12 years prior to my daughters sudden death.

The first year is 12 months of firsts.

The first hour , first day ,first sunrise, sunset , all the holidays etc...

Here is one piece of advise , your 'normal' changed the day your sweet son passed . It is one of the hardest things to face that you now have a different 'normal'.

When in a few months family and friends start making comments about ' moving on ' getting over it' 'let him rest in peace' , don't bother trying to explain your heartbreaking mind numbing pain to those people , if they were interested in your broken heart they wouldn't be saying anything like that . Find one or two IRL people that will support you and listen when you talk about the empty hole in your soul , the black nothing that is no longer filled with your child's smiling energy . For me it was a therapist .

You will always grieve his passing and with each angel date , birth date you will have the " I wonder if he was still here what would life be like" thoughts , you wouldn't be his loving mom if those thoughts didn't come . You are his loving mom so thoughts of "I wonder" will come.

There will come a time when you will be able to celebrate his life and the 21 years you were blessed with having him to love and to be loved by him . It comes at different times for different parents. It was about 2 1/2 years after my girls passing that my days had a bit more of of ' remembering 'the 21 years I was blessed with the gift of my daughters love and energy ' or 'celebrating her life' then grieving her death . My days still nine years after her passing is still a mix of both . The heartbreak will become a bit less shape edged , but it is something that is part of that different 'normal' I spoke about .