Members mimi24 Posted December 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 A few days ago on December 16th my husband and I had to make the painful decision to put our beloved baby down. Her name is Lacy and she was 11 1/2 years old. Honestly the best dog I have ever known. She stopped eating a few days before and we had taken her to the vet, they thought it was maybe her teeth and her back, she has had bad arthritis for over a year now. After about a day and half we took her back because she was still not eating. They did x-rays and found a large mass on her spleen that was pushing her stomach, hence the not eating. The vet explained that he was almost positive it was hemongiosarcoma, one of the worst cancers a dog can have, and surgery wasn't an option because she was just so sick. I feel consumed with guilt over not looking more into something even though in my heart I know she wasn't well. I feel consumed with guilt that I force fed her when her stomach was in probably so much pain. I know its only been a few days, but I just feel lost. She was always with me, I feel like I did everything for her everyday. And now she's just gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted December 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 Hi @mimi24, I am so sorry to read about Lacy. It is so tough when our animals get sick, and it seems the more I am on this forum, the more stories I read of these awful illnesses, cancers etc. they are so subtle and then - boom - they take over the animal. Please do not feel guilty, you guys definitely did what you could and what you thought was right at the time. Of course you feel lost. I am sorry for that too, but it is totally normal. You lost your dog and everything that you did with her and for her. It is life-changing. You had her a long time too so give your time and patience to grieve. It is not easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TiffT Posted December 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 I completely understand. My baby, Zoey, was 13. Until 2015, she was the epitome of health, but then we went through breast cancer (she would eventually have all but 3 mammary glands removed), stomach cancer, and various complications...but she was a fighter! She would always bounce back...until this week. She began breathing oddly and when I took her to the vet, we found some spots on the lungs. By the next day, she was rapidly declining. We went through 3 days of IV therapy until today when she could no longer stand. She was retaining fluids and would slide down to the ground as she couldn’t bear any weight. I knew in my heart what was inevitable, but I wanted to shut it out. We went back to the vet and she was in kidney failure. We made the heart wrenching decision to end what had suddenly turned into suffering. I know in my head, it was what was best, but the grief and the guilt and the unbearable physical pain is another story. I can’t fall asleep (alas why I’m in this forum)...I’m not hungry, my head is splitting, I can’t quit sobbing, and my chest is throbbing from the pain of they heartbreak. Idk what to do...I’m lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mimi24 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 @AJWCat thank you for you reply. It really is not easy. @TiffT I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m still in shock. Although I’ve thought about it with her health issues nothing prepares you for this... you did everything you could for Zoey. It’s really not easy and no matter what anyone says. I’ve been walking around lost and like a zombie the last few days. I go to work and hold myself together but as soon as I get in my car I break down. I have a cat at home that I love very much, but my house still feels empty without her. All we can do is try and take care of ourselves. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss, I know your heartbreak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TiffT Posted December 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 @mimi24 I’m so sorry for your loss as well. I hope e we can find something me sort of copable peace, although if I’m honest...right now it doesn’t seem feasible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted December 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 Hi @TiffT, I am glad you found this forum. Absolutely you are in shock - I saw your angel date of 12-22. The very quick downhill illness is awful, lots of stress finalized by the loss. And like @mimi24, once you start eating and sleeping a little, you are still a zombie for days if not weeks. I hate to paint a grim picture, but it was what I went through. It is just part of the loss/grieving process. You both will reach a place of acceptance and peace I promise you. Having been through this incredibly heartbreaking experience I can say you will. But be patient, it is a matter of time. No matter how logical a person you are and we all know our animals don't live forever, nothing prepares you for their absence. And the loss of the rituals, the things you did together and for them. Your day to day life changes. How did I deal? I cried a lot. (More than I have ever cried in my life in a 4 month period.) Somehow got through each day dealing with my aching heart and sadness. Talked it out a little with my husband who was also devastated. But, I came here to this forum to talk about it more (my husband could only take so much talking!) and try to help others. I wish you both peace in your hearts, and I hope you can find some comfort in your memories and knowledge that the suffering they were in at the very end is over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 23, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 Mimi and Tiff, I am so sorry for both of your losses. This is the hardest decision we can make, but you did what was ultimately best for them, placing their own welfare ahead of your own feelings...that is what a good parent does. Rethinking and guilt are our way of trying to find a different possible outcome, even though we know deep inside nothing changes it. It's a common part of grief. I hope these articles will be of help to you... http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml Wishing you peace and comfort as a salve for your souls, I know how utterly hard this anguish is. The intensity will lessen with time, but we continue missing those we love and lost, even as we adjust with time and effort. Grief is hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mimi24 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 @KayC @AJWCat thank you for taking the time to reply back to both myself and @TiffT it means a lot. I’m having such a hard time with it. I have everyone coming to our house for Christmas and honestly I wish I can just cancel. My husband is also having a really hard time with it. He unfortunately doesn’t talk much, so that doesn’t help either. It snowed today and I cried and cried because her foot prints in the snow are getting covered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 24, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 mimi, I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. I know there's no way around the grief, only straight through it, pain and all, but it's hard knowing someone else is suffering the same as you have. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted December 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 Mimi, my husband was really sad too. But he also didn't want to talk about like I did. I had to wrap my head around it and the only way I felt I could do that was talk it out. He didn't want to think about it and be upset. So I had to come here! My heart broke for you on the footprints in the snow. My cat jumped on the bed in the 2nd bedroom where we were staying and left big paw indents on the bedspread. I would go in the room and stare at the bed and his little foot marks. My mom finally came to visit and used the bed - my heart ached losing that little sign of him. I know how tough this is. I feel your sadness and I hope you are doing okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TiffT Posted December 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 @mimi24 @AJWCat @KayC I can’t begin to thank you enough for your kindness and support. I’m trying to take things minute by minute and just breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted December 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 That is all you can to get through this. Breathe. Deal with life, hold it together when you must, and let it out and cry when you can. The love and bonds are so deep, the anguish is as deeply felt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bradm Posted December 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2017 I lost my baby boy "Calvin" on the 17th, I know what you mean about the paw prints in the snow. There is so much more too, I still open the back door of my truck to let him in and out. It was just him and I for 10 years, I have no other pets, no wife or gf, no kids. Calvin was only 10yrs old and was tragically taken early. He was everything to me. Anyway, I want you to know I feel your pain and am sorry for your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 25, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 25, 2017 21 hours ago, TiffT said: I’m trying to take things minute by minute and just breathe. That's number one lesson in grief, stay in this moment, any more than that is too much, and yes, remind yourself to breathe. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 25, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted December 25, 2017 3 hours ago, Bradm said: I lost my baby boy "Calvin" on the 17th, I know what you mean about the paw prints in the snow. There is so much more too, I still open the back door of my truck to let him in and out. It was just him and I for 10 years, I have no other pets, no wife or gf, no kids. Calvin was only 10yrs old and was tragically taken early. He was everything to me. Anyway, I want you to know I feel your pain and am sorry for your loss Bradm, I'm so sorry. This is all so raw for you still, I hope you find comfort in the posts on this section, knowing you're not alone in what you're feeling. I know my own dog is everything to me too and someday I'll be facing this again. I've lost too many over my life, one of the hazards of growing old. Thinking of you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted December 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2017 Hi @Bradm, so sorry to read about Calvin. that is a very tough loss and awful when they are taken early. Please read through the posts here, there is a lot of wisdom to help you deal with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mimi24 Posted December 26, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2017 @Bradm I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband and I have no human kids, but they are our babies. I have a sign I have when you come in my back door “my kids have 4 feet” Yesterday was hard without her. My whole family feels her loss too. She was just such a great dog, everyone loved her. I still can’t believe she’s gone. I can’t say much to make you feel better, I’m not even sure what to say to myself at this point. Just know that everyone on here is here for you to talk and say what ever is on your mind. RIP Calvin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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