loss of young adult child

[johncat]

I just lost my 22 year old son on June 15th and have been suffering every day since.  He was my younger son. I don't know how to live without him. I don't know how to accept this. I told him to go to bed the night before because I can tell he took something and was falling asleep standing up. The next morning I found him dead on the floor next to the bed. We still don't have the autopsy report back yet. I couldn't help him because he already had rigamorttis (or however you spell that).  I cry and fall apart every single day. It takes 2/3rds of my day to feel somewhat normal. In one week I have to return to work and BE NORMAL. I have no choice. I truly believe that I will never get over this. HELP!  johncat

[mysonrich]

I am so sorry to read of the death of your son. please join the members of BI at the loss of an adult child thread. there are many moms and dads there that understand and will walk with you.  My name is Betsy and my son, Rich died Jan 18,2009 . He was 20.

[hotrod]

Helllo Johncat

I am so sorry for your painful loss.  You have found the right place to visit and share and be comforted as you travel thru this devastating pain.

I lost my only son Stephen in almost the same fashion and understand your deep sadness.  Stephen went to sleep and in the morning I found him and was / am inconsolable.  

We are on a difficult journey and you need the help of others to walk this road.  Please share , post a picture of your wonderful son,Andrew and let us all get thru this together

Betty Stephen'smom:)

[Guest]

Johncat - I am so very sorry for the loss of your son!  As Betsy said, please come to the loss of an adult child thread...it is a more active thread and you will find lots of support.

I hope your employer is understanding.  While returning to work might help bring some "normalcy" to your world, it also might be impossible to pull off.  Others have done it.  Right after my daughter, Stephanie, died, it was difficult to just brush my teeth. 

It will get easier for you.  But, you are still at the beginning of the terrible journey and it takes time.  Be gentle with yourself.  Come to the adult child thread and tell us about your son, yourself and your family...if you wish.  Post pictures.  Yell, scream, cry.  There are no rules.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[krichie]

Johncat so sorry for your recentlost, no matter what the autopsy says it does not lessen the pain, I am sure it will give a little closure when answers are there but unfortunatly it will not help you get up every morning and continue on.

You will cry everyday for many many days and even in years to come, but we are here to share our tears and yours as well. Tell us about your son when you are ready.

I had to return to work 2 weeks after the lost of my son Richie and it was very difficult not so much the work but facing all the looks and all the people asking me how I was. Once I got thru the first few day and people started to leave me alone to work it was a blessing and a god send to concentrate on something besides my lost.

I am getting close to the year mark of my lost and there are some days where it seems like yesturday, I still reach for the phone or call my other son by his name. You can go on but your life will be diffrent, I can not promise it will get better or easier- for me it has not but for others they have reached a good or peacefull existance.

My thaughts and prayers are with you . Just come here often and read or write anything thats on your mind we are here to listen and maybe out of all of us we can make it a little easier or give you ideas of what and where to go for any issue you run across

[rlolheiser]

Johncat..  my heart goes out to you.. and to all the other newcomers.  I hope you hold tight to this site as it will get you through a lot of hard times... You will be angry.. you will be so sad that you think the sun won't come up again.. but you will have days that you won't feel so bad..  it will come eventually.

I have been trying to decide how to write this letter.  I let somebody use my computer and somebody got onto this site as I leave myself logged in.  I feel so violated.  This person, came to me with concern that i am not letting go.. and told me that a site llike this was terrible for people because it makes us live in the past.  I tried to tell them that this site gets me through the days that nobody here in the world wants to hear.  Nobody gives a damn that I am going through life without one of my grandchildren, nor that my life is shattered because of this tragedy.  People here let me get it out in the open.. and never close me up because they can't handle seeing or hearing my pain.  The world I live in is terrible because nobody wants to remember what has happened, or cares how hard a day I had...  So fine...  I will move on, so leave these people alone!..  if my being here bothers you so badly..  you will find me at home .. alone taking care of mom.. wondering where JaBoa's mom and sis and little brother are....  I can handle it alone...  meanwhile I don't want anymore visits from concerned people like you...  my life is mine..  your not healthy for me.

I will take with me my memories.. my love of the BI family..  I won't post anymore because I don't want certain people reading me...  that is why I left this as my place..  I pray for our angels.. and mother and fathers.. brothers and siters all left behind..  I pray for families..  Carol.. Ralph..  Dee.. Bonnie.. Susannah..   Names I can't even begin to list right now..  Thanks for what you have given me...  and I pray for the stupid people that can't leave others alone, the people that are so concerned about us.. yet can't take the time to talk about our angels..  Our angels were and are a valuable part of who we are... and I feel sorry for people that just don't get it.

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

 

[krichie]

RLOLHEISER

Don't leave becasue someone read your post, this is your place to let you mind and heart open up, to get things off your chest and just talk of your precious one.

This is the only place where people are going thru what you are going thru and now just becuase we lost someone does not mean we get over them or forget them. We can not turn off our emotions or our memories and dreams.

It hurts to talk about my Richie but by sharing him with you all I feel better, I may cry as I write but it is a healing process. I can't believe people think we should stop talking and thinking of our loved ones like turning off the oven or the faucet. They lived they existed and still exist in our hearts for ever. They are part of who we are who we were and who we will be

[westleysmom]

Johncat-I'm so sorry for your loss.  My 20 year old son Westley died in his sleep at a friend's house on January 13, 2010, 6 days before his 21st birthday.  It was about 2 months before we received the autopsy/ME report to know what he died of, but let me warn you, when you receive it, whatever it says, it will be hard to take.  Westley had a couple of beers and took something like a percocet or percodan.  He had sleep apnea, and the combination of the three is what killed him.  And me and my husband at the same time, it seems.  And our whole family, who are hearbroken.  We went back to work fairly quickly, he owns a business, and my job is always busy.  It helped us, but I understand everybody's different.  I'm hoping you can ease back into it and maybe work short days or something?  A friend asked me a couple of months ago how I was doing and I told him when I leave the house in the morning, I'm trying to get back home, and when I get home, I'm trying to get where I can leave again in the morning.  That's all you can do for a while, and its enough.  I hope you can stay around and post whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or yell at or whatever.  This site has helped me so much, and I think it can help you too. 

Leah-Please don't let somebody make you feel bad for being here with us.  Do they know?  Have they lost a child or grandchild?  I know some of my family might feel the same way that your friend(?) feels, but I don't ask them and I don't need their approval to get the support I need.  I hope you come back, we'll miss you if you don't.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[Guest]

Leah, please don't go!!!

I hate to admit this, because you all have saved my life, but before I ever posted my first hello to this site, I read and read and told a friend I wasn't going to join because "they're all stuck in their grief and I don't have time for that.  I have to get over this and move on."

I was so stupid.  And, so wrong!!!!!!

It takes being there to really know.  Your friend, while I'm sure she/he means well, does not get it.

love you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom...oh and shame on your friend for reading your stuff on your computer!

[johncat]

Thanks for your e-mail. When did you lose your son?  johncat (I am Andrew's mother)

[johncat]

Thanks for your e-mail. Thanks for the warning about the autopsy. I realize he probably took some drug, but it's driving me nuts not knowing what exactly caused him to die at only 22! Thanks for your words of comfort. I am so sorry you lost your son. johncat (Andrew's mother)

[johncat]

krichie

Thank you so much for your e-mail. I am so sorry you lost your son Richie. When did this happen? Thanks for reaching out to me.  johncat (Andrew's mother)

[johncat]

Susanah

Thank you for the e-mail and the words of comfort.  When did you lose your daughter and what happened to her? This is still not feeling real to me sometimes. Other times I can't function. Hope you're doing okay.  Johncat (Andrew's mother)

[johncat]

My Son Rich in Pennsylvania

Thank you so much for the e-mail. What happened to your 20 year old son that he died so young?

I was born and use to live in Pennsylvania.  All my aunts, uncles, and cousins live there. I live in Texas.

Thanks for reaching out to me. Johncat (Andrew's mother)

[westleysmom]

Johncat-Just checking in to see how you are.  Do you still have to go back to work on Monday?  The first few months for me were kind of a blur.  I have told my husband that the only thing that would have been worse for me is if Westley had died in our home, and that is what happened to you, you poor dear.  I can't imagine how hard it must be, and I know hard these past six months.  Well anyway, your son and mine were almost the same age and died almost the same way, so I want to be sure you're still hanging in there.  I wish this had never happened to you or me.  Take care.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[krichie]

Johncat

I lost Richie Oct 5 of last year.

 We had just baught him a new bike and he was planning a ride with a friend he had not seen in a long time, he was so excited to see friend and show off his bike. After work with his dad he left to meet up with friend and about 5 pm my Husband got a bad feeling and called him, he answered and said everything was fine they just returned from bike ride and he had a blast , he sent us love and said he was on way to his house to eat and would see us in the morning. 15 min later we get the call that he was in an accident just about a mile down our road.

A drunk driver that had no clue where he was, was driving on the qwrong side of the road and head on into Richie, he was thrown over 70 feet, the drunk did not have a scratch on him and all he could say when the cops walked up to him is " I really screwed up this time".

I found out later that he was charged with drunk driving and was already home before Richie passed on which was only a little over an hour later, So the drunk driver never even saw the inside of a cell till almost 8 months later and this was not his first offence. I just don't understand laws. His blood alcohol was well over 2 times the legal limit. I keep hearing all these states have tough drunk driving laws but when you research it you find out they are really just a slap on the wrist.

This man got to spend 8 months free with his family and when he returns from jail he will still see his kids grow up and get married, graduate and all the other important milestones.

Sorry got on a role / rant

I am coming up on the year mark and I have to tell you its not much easier then the week after. There have been moments of peace / clarity but on the most part5 I am just a walking robot. I get up , I go to work, I take care of my remaining family, but the joy and a good part of my emotions are just not there or functioning.

I hope you have strong family and friends to lean on and please continue to come here and let us now how your dealing and just let anything you want out. We are all here to help and give you any insight we might of picked up along our journey. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve and heal, do what you feel is right for you

 

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family