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A year coming up


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The anniversary of my sons death is fast approaching I find myself in such shock that this much time has passed. As I talk to friends and family about typical life events I have to stop because I find myself saying "just last month he did this" od " He was just telling me such and such" I then realize it was not last month it was almost a year ago that I heard his voice and saw his smile.

How the hell did a year go by when it seemed like just yesturday he was here with us and we were so happy. I have been on auto pilot for so long and still can not control myself, every where I look anything I touch is Richie.

I read how others are going thru the same emotions and yet I still say they can't hurt as much as I do, There child was not like mine even tho I know deep inside they are hurting the same and thier child was just as precious as mine.

Richie was killed by a drunk driver Oct 5 of 2009, he had just talked to us on phone telling us he loved us and was heading home and would see us in the morning as he works with his Dad. Not evan 5 minutes later a neighbor called and said he was in an accident. We were at the scene in less then 3 minutes since it was just down the street from our house. We were not allowed close to him as they worked on him, life flight was in the area and was there fast, I could hear the ambulance people telling him not to fight them they were there to help, so that gave me hope he was alive and fighting to stay that way. We had to stand back yelling from a distance that we were there and we loved him.

I could make out his legs and see his chest between the people as they worked on him, then I was in the car on way to hospital to meet the flight when it got there. I don't know how long we were in waiting room nut I knew the minute the doctor walked in, my prayers were not answered. I had to be the strong one for the family and keep it togather. I could not break down- I am not sure if this was what helped me get thru that night or not.

I had to ask myself later did I not pray hard enough, did I not promise  to do the right things, what could Ihave done to save my boy.

I still can not see me going thru life with out him. I get his daughter on the weekends but she is so only 3 and is already forgetting him.m I can never forget. I still cry every day. My heart still feels like someone is squeesing it and I still find it hard to breathe.

enough for now. thanks for listening

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  My son Westley died in his sleep at a friend's house on January 13, 2010.  He would have been 21 on the 19th of January.  I am like you, it still all seems like a bad dream.  I was strong as I could be for my family and did the automatic pilot to get through the arrangements and services.  I am functioning on the surface, still on automatic pilot, I guess.  Every milestone, every "first" that happens, I think back to last year at this time, and what we were doing then and how we were happy.  There is happiness now, but it is the exception and not the rule, and it lasts only until I remember that he is gone.  I cannot imagine what the holidays are going to be like, and try not to let my mind get too far ahead of where we are right now.  I know what you mean, I guess everybody thinks their kid was the best, and I guess we have to give that to each other.  I am glad you have your granddaughter, although she has lost so much too, and that you're there for her to help keep his memory alive for her.  My son never had any children and that is an additional pain that my husband has, that his only son was the last in his line.  I wish I could make you feel better, but you and I both know that I can't.  But you're not alone, there are lots of us, and sometimes that makes me feel better, and sometimes it makes me so sad.  And I think sometimes God didn't listen to my prayers, or I said them wrong, and it is all my fault.  We can't listen to those thoughts, because they don't help and its not our fault.  Your son died because of a drunk driver, not because of anything you did.  Take care and come over to Loss of Adult Child thread if you need to talk to others like us.  There are lots of "regulars" over there who've been on this lonely road longer than we have and have some first-hand experience when they give advice, if you ask for it. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom 

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family

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