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Extraordinary Trauma and Stress


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I feel (and believe) as though I am literally dying from stress. I desperately need help but can't find it....

My situation and life circumstances are unusual, this makes finding help impossible. I have yet to find anyone who can relate to what I'm going through so I can't even find support there. I'm not sure posting in a forum that is more centered around death related issues is not just a waste of time, but, I'm grasping for anything right now.

There is so much involved, way too much to "put in a nutshell", I can only say that my stress and fear is ongoing, it isn't possible to take a time out from it, and it is even more discouraging to read the cookie cutter version of PTSD. I can't call my traumatic stress disorder "post" as it hasn't stopped, however, I will say that I KNOW that PTSD includes shocking, EMOTIONAL traumatic stress. I am living proof.

I have countless, non-death, profound losses, much brought on by my ex who is a "non-violent" sociopath, I use the non-violent part loosely as I know he is perfectly capable of violence, he chooses to play his games however, in a cat-mouse way..the "never ending game of checkers" the experts call it...the long, drawn out, emotional trauma type death rather than the more popular violent, quick, serial killer type.

The shock of discovering that you are dealing with a sociopath is enough, all by itself, to bring on a stress disorder. Realizing what they're capable of, and then the fact you CAN'T get away from them is horrifying! Then you add the absolutely unpredictable ways this person hurts you, knowing they won't quit until they've won or God forbid find a new, more exciting victim.. and there you have the ingredients for what I will call EMOTIONAL TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER...I have a name for it, but no help.

I know I am not alone when it comes to dealing with this (sociopaths), but there are other major components to add. I have a few, unusual, very deep emotional traumas to add to my situation, making it more than difficult to find some way of healing and/or help period.

I'm now afraid the physical toll the stress is taking on me, will eventually end my life, I can rarely eat, sleeping too much or not at all, the guilt, major anxiety, depression due feeling an end will never come, etc., I can barely function and don't know where to turn.


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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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"Fouranchors," I am going to share my story in hopes that it can offer some comfort. I have a set of cousins (whom I will refer to as A, M, and V in this post) whose father abandoned them while their mother was dying of cancer. When their mother passed away (when I was about 9 years old), they were put under the care of my grandmother and two aunts (they lived under one roof). About two years later, my parents learned that my cousins were being abused, so they fought for and won custody over my cousins. One year later, A, 19 at the time, got in touch with her "papi" and left us to move in with him. Let's just say that she made a bunch of mistakes, got pregnant within 2 months of leaving, and still on welfare to this very day. Four years later, M fell in love a girl, joined the national guard, went to boot camp, and then moved in with his girlfriend behind my parents backs when he returned from boot camp. In order to make the girlfriend's mom ok with them playing house, M made up some story about my family and I not loving him or wanting him in our house (Apparently, he forgot that we sacrificed just about everything and went into financial ruins to save him and his sisters). That resulted in her mom making my mom out to be some horrible person.

V's betrayal helped me learn about the term "sociopath." V was always difficult to say the least. She did not believe that she should have to do chores like the rest of us. She was always trying to bring me down. She would always call me a weak. She tried to call me fat. She criticized everything I did. One year after M's betrayal (my senior year of high school), my mom found out that V was failing a class and was hiding the report card from her. My mom confronted her about it, and the confrontation ended with V raising her hand to hit my mom. A few days later, she attacked one of my cats and left him locked up in a room to suffer (very sociopathic). You know something is wrong with a person when cats refuse to be on the same floor as someone. We had a court date shortly after that incident (When you take custody of someone, you have to have an annual court hearing to see how things are going). My mom told the judge what had been going on, so the judge asked V if she wanted to live with us. She said no. When the judge asked her why, her exact words were,"Because they make me do chores." The judge decided to put her in a halfway home until further judgement. We had to pack up her stuff and bring it to the place. My mom and I ended up finding a bunch of notes she had written basically cursing my mom and me simply for existing. I could not believe how much hatred she had towards us; all we ever tried to do was reach out to her. We ended up being forced to go to group therapy with V. The quack "completely neutral" social workers would start the sessions off explaining how poor V has been through so much and is struggling with self-esteem, so we all had to say something positive about her. When that was finished, V would shed tears and make up some story about how we mistreated her and how we "deprived her of a happy life." It got to the point that my mom was almost charged with neglect and I was almost taken away too (I was not yet 18). My mom has always suffered from depression, but the stress and pain from my cousins's betrayals and attacks drove her to become suicidal. She would actually tell me, her daughter, how she sometimes wants to take a gun and shoot herself (there was actually a gun in my house, so I was terrified). I would go to school, pray to God that my mom would not kill herself, and then go to what I would call "gang up on and attack my family sessions." I would bring up the incidents with V hitting my mom and hurting my cat, but the social workers refused to address them because V had a different version of the story. My family and I were afraid because the idiots wanted to place V back in my house. Thankfully, a psych eval. determined that there was something wrong with V (they wouldn't say exactly what, but I believe it is that she is a sociopath) and the report explained that putting V back in my house would be a physical threat to our lives. The "group sessions" ended and V was taken out of my life forever that day.

It has been four and a half years since V was taken out of my life. While I cannot say that my family and I have completely recovered from the trauma, i can say that we have found peace again. We have even experienced joy. I understand the feeling of dying from stress. I have also gone through emotional traumatic stress disoerder. It is possible to overcome (at least enough to experience peace again). I pray that you can get this ex completely out of your life. I pray that you too can find peace again. I pray that you can find healing from your wounds.

I really help I helped you at least a little bit,


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