New to here

[nursejenn]

So I realized, I posted a reply to Does Everyone Here Believe in God, yet didn't tell my story in full.

My Angel, Mikey, was born September 12, 2001. While the nation was being rocked by bombings, loss of loved ones, and terrorism, our world was being altered by a tiny little boy. Mikey was the third of three kids, the only boy. When Mikey was 2, my ex-husband and I separated. Even though we were not together, we worked very hard on one thing together, and that was our kids. Our pediatrician told us we were the role model divorced couple. We went to appointments together, and when one of us would discuss something, the other always was given the chance to say what they saw or heard at their house.

He was at his father's house, and curled up in the recliner to go to sleep. In the morning, his father went to wake him, and found him unresponsive. He attempted CPR, and when the medics arrived, they attempted to revive him, but knew that it was too late. My exhusband insisted he must have choked on a piece of candy, which the coroner determined later to not be the case. I got the call at work that Sunday morning, to come home, and arrived at my exhusband's house to find the block roped off, police cars, coroner van, forensic units, detectives, and a ton of rubber neckers all gawking at the house. I refused to allow them to take him until I saw my baby. I couldnt wrap my head around the fact that my healthy, beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed baby of 7 years and 10 months that day, was gone. After much deliberation and fighting, they agreed to let me in the house.

I walked in to find my son, on the dining room floor, his little hands still curled the way they were when he sleeps, his head facing to the left, and that one little hand pulled up by his face. I still remember every second of that week in vivid detail. I remember being so shocked that I could sit on the porch, looking around me, and being able to notice things. Who was there, what was being said, every question the police had. He had been to a graduation party with his dad the night before, which I didn't know before I got there, and became convinced something must have happened there. Maybe he got into some dumb kid's drugs, maybe someone had some spiked punch. Bigger kids sometimes forget about littler kids. That turned out to not be the case.

A few days later, I had no answers yet, other than "tox was clean, no foul play, no blunt force trauma, nothing yet, ma'am". Then, they said two words that infuriated me. Natural Causes. What is natural about a 7 year old boy dying? NOTHING.

Mikey was active, healthy, and a happy 7 year old boy. He played football (Left Bench as he called it), video games (A huge Halo fan, and my guitar hero rival), had just been camping with me the weekend before. He loved to swim, ride bikes, and loved anything with skulls on it. The year before, I took him to the beach for the first time, and watched him learn how to "surf" (his term for boogie boarding). He woke in the morning, and ran all day. Come night time, he would settle into bed, and ask what was going on tomorrow. He always looked forward to what tomorrow was bringing. He loved to spend time with his sister, and they were totally inseparable. They were twins born 3 years apart. Natural causes my butt.

The funeral came and went, not without event, and I am sure I will find places to talk about that on here, and the next week, I got a call from the coroner's office with their "official cause of death". Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy with Left Ventricular Hypertrophy. Im a nurse, and even at that, I had to stop and string all the words together, because my first words were "That is impossible, he didnt have a heart condition". I was not accepting this. I called the pediatrician, called everyone I could, and had my daughters checked. I was in school at the time, so I had no health insurance, and decided that until I was finished with school in February i would have to take it easy.

February came and went, I got a job with benefits again, and the first stop for me was to have an echo and EKG. I took the copy of the coroner's report with me, and the cardiologist immediately questioned the diagnosis. They requested the slides from the coroner, and I assured myself, that after all this time, I had come to terms with this silent heart condition, that it was just an issue with the wording, and they would tell me this is what he had. Not the case. Just after Mother's Day, they called me at work to stop over in cardiology (since I work at the hospital where my cardiologist is at), and they dropped the bombshell. It was not HCM that killed him, and "I'm sorry, but it took so long to get back to you (4 weeks), because we were trying to determine what the cause actually was, and we have not been able to find a cause". Now at this point I found out the pathologist at the local Children's Hospital was involved, reviewed all the reports, slides, samples, lab results, etc. and could not determine his cause of death, other than to say it was NOT hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

So now, I lost him a second time. I am at square one.

So this is my son, Mikey, missed every day. It will be one year since he has been gone on July 12th. The emotions are starting to overwhelm, and that is why I am here. I hear people around me say It has to be so hard, I cant imagine, I couldnt even begin to understand, How do you get out of bed in the mornings? I want to have people that understand us.

Sending out warm thoughts and gentle hugs to all...

Mikey's Mom

[hotrod]

Dear Mikey'sMom

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little Angel Mikey.  What a beautiful picture and what a terible loss!!!  You have found a very profound and compassionate place where your pain and loss is understood and shared by each  member.  Many mothers post on  lineLoss of an Adult Child Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 1637 .

Please go there and share your heart.   You will also be comforted to read posts from others who are walking this painful lonely road.  We uplift each other from day to day. 

 I lost my only son Stephen 3 years ago and this wonderful site saved my sanity.

Pleae know how sorry I am and truly understand your prayers to Mikey.  I am so glad they are answered.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[lolynbo]

MIKEYS MOM. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY LOOKING LIL BOY...I DONT HAVE WORDS FOR YOU , I DONT UNDERSTAND MY LOSS EITHER SO I CANT UNDERSTAND YOURS.....IT ODNT MAKE SENCE..IT FNNNNN SUCKS.....I LOST KOURTNEY TO BRAIN CANCER, 7 MO AND 2 DAYS OF HELL....)YOU CAN READ MY PROFILE)....SHE WAS ONLY 22 JUST GOT MARRIED AND WAS ONLY HAVING HEADACHES....

THIS WEBSITE HAS KEPT ME FROM JUMPING,,,WHERE I DONT NO WHERE IDA JUMP TO BUT THESE PPL REALLY ARE HERE FOR US, AND THEY SOOOO UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL..EVEN THOUGH WE CANT PUT IT INTO WORDS...

SUCH A SWEET LIL FACE MIKEY HAS...IM PRAYING FOR YOU SISTER

[shorty16]

Nursejenn

Soooo sorry to hear about you beautiful boy, Mike.  What a young and handsome young boy.

You have come to the right place.  My Brian was 16 when he decided to climb on the hood of a car.  His "friend" decided to drive 68 mph and hit a tree.  Brian hit the ground and died within minutes.  the accident scene is 1/4 mile from our home.

Most of the time, I feel like I am living a nightmare.  I cannot believe Brian is gone.

By the way - July 12th is my Brian's Birthday.  Hard date for both of us.

There are so many unanswered questions for all of us.  I think I will ask these questions until the day I die.  There were 3 boys involved in this stunt.  The 2 others walked away.  Brian died.  How does that happen???????

It has been 2 years for us and I must say, the pain does subside some, the missing and longing to hold our boys does not seem to go away.

Brian never even got to start his Senior year.

We are here for you

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[josephsmom90]

Nursejenn,

He was so beautiful! I am so very sorry, I too have a situation somewhat like yours with my son Jospeh. I won't go into it here but if and when you are ready I'll share with you. Your in my prayers nightly. God bless.

Elaine

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family