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Patti14

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I am having a really bad day with this today. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost my husband. Today is 2 weeks since the last time I talked to him and laughed and joked with him. I want him back so bad. Why is that we want the things we can't have.

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I feel for you we all have gone thru and know exactly how cruel first few weeks are.. 

Hugs

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Just now, KavitaHubby said:

I feel for you we all have gone thru and know exactly how cruel first few weeks are.. 

Hugs

Thank you

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Patti,

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  I wish there was a way to skip over this.  (((hugs)))

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9 minutes ago, KayC said:

Patti,

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  I wish there was a way to skip over this.  (((hugs)))

Thank you I wish there was to

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Patti,  Sorry about how you are feeling. I still feel the pain after a little over a year. The longest my husband and I were ever separated was a week. After his first week of going to Heaven, I was crying out that he could come back home. After the second week, I was crying to God to bring my husband back or take me to him. The joke was over, the nightmare could end. All the crying, the screaming, the begging, falls on deaf ears. It doesn't really though. God does hear us and knows our suffering. He provides us the strength and courage to take it one day at a time. That is my belief though, as painful as this is.

Hang in there, Patti.:wub:

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8 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I am having a really bad day with this today. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost my husband. Today is 2 weeks since the last time I talked to him and laughed and joked with him. I want him back so bad. Why is that we want the things we can't have.

Hang in there Patti.  You're still pretty new on the terrible journey.  I know that great longing to be with him no matter where he is; I felt that way when my Charles was taken from this world and I still do.  Don't forget we are human with human feelings and pain.  And it's OK to have a melt down, just don't unpack and live there.  Cry it out,  inhale, exhale and then refocus on where you're going.  Everything is going to be OK; actually, it's going to turn out better than OK, you'll see.  Anyone can give up, that's the easiest thing in the world to do.  But holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart is true strength; and that true strength is inside you, and when you bring what is within you out into the world, things will happen.  As crazy as it may appear, you are where God wants you to be at this very moment.

 

2 hours ago, KMB said:

All the crying, the screaming, the begging, falls on deaf ears. It doesn't really though. God does hear us and knows our suffering. He provides us the strength and courage to take it one day at a time. That is my belief though, as painful as this is.

SO TRUE!  My belief as well.  When I think about The Almighty knowing our sufferings, 1Peter 5:10 comes to mind which states "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." and Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes,  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away".    The pain we are experiencing now will not compare to the joy that is coming.

 

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3 hours ago, Francine said:

Hang in there Patti.  You're still pretty new on the terrible journey.  I know that great longing to be with him no matter where he is; I felt that way when my Charles was taken from this world and I still do.  Don't forget we are human with human feelings and pain.  And it's OK to have a melt down, just don't unpack and live there.  Cry it out,  inhale, exhale and then refocus on where you're going.  Everything is going to be OK; actually, it's going to turn out better than OK, you'll see.  Anyone can give up, that's the easiest thing in the world to do.  But holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart is true strength; and that true strength is inside you, and when you bring what is within you out into the world, things will happen.  As crazy as it may appear, you are where God wants you to be at this very moment.

 

SO TRUE!  My belief as well.  When I think about The Almighty knowing our sufferings, 1Peter 5:10 comes to mind which states "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." and Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes,  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away".    The pain we are experiencing now will not compare to the joy that is coming.

 

Thank you I appreciate it. It has been a very grueling couple of weeks and I know many more to come. I just wish he could come back as I am sure we all do.

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Oh Patti, hang in there. The first few weeks will be very hard. Just cry it out, talk to him , and keep your faith it will help you go through this. One day at a time. Going out for a walk or  just sitting at the park  being with nature even  for a few minutes will help you calm down a bit. My heart aches for our lost and the pain we are going through .

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1 hour ago, Maria0419 said:

Oh Patti, hang in there. The first few weeks will be very hard. Just cry it out, talk to him , and keep your faith it will help you go through this. One day at a time. Going out for a walk or  just sitting at the park  being with nature even  for a few minutes will help you calm down a bit. My heart aches for our lost and the pain we are going through .

Thank you. It is so hard. I hate that we all have had to go through this. I miss my best friend. As I know we all do. 

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Yeah, we all feel the same. Another lonely, long weekend. Another Saturday night without my husband to talk to and watch tv with. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this. We all need to just somehow keep plugging away day by day and hope that the rest of our life goes quickly.  We can do this and we will do it together!

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5 minutes ago, KMB said:

Yeah, we all feel the same. Another lonely, long weekend. Another Saturday night without my husband to talk to and watch tv with. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this. We all need to just somehow keep plugging away day by day and hope that the rest of our life goes quickly.  We can do this and we will do it together!

Same here. I just keep thinking we should be laying in bed watching tv together. 

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

Same here. I just keep thinking we should be laying in bed watching tv together. 

That would be nice. 

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

Same here. I just keep thinking we should be laying in bed watching tv together. 

Its Sunday morning here, i did nothing yesterday. Before this weekend time just flies but now its like 2 big crappy days, hard to spend.

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40 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Its Sunday morning here, i did nothing yesterday. Before this weekend time just flies but now its like 2 big crappy days, hard to spend.

So true! There's only crappy days now. I used to love the Holidays now I am dreading the idea of them coming.

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

So true! There's only crappy days now. I used to love the Holidays now I am dreading the idea of them coming.

I am not looking forward to it.  When everyone will be home with their love ones, I will be home alone, grieving.  How sad!

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

I am not looking forward to it.  When everyone will be home with their love ones, I will be home alone, grieving.  How sad!

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

I don't call this life, its hell and I say when you lost your spouse you learn how to live in hell without dying.

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2 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I don't call this life, its hell and I say when you lost your spouse you learn how to live in hell without dying.

Yeah. We have all died when we lost our better halves. Only we are cursed to walk among the living.

It really feels like I am living someone elses life right now. Laid on a hospital bed with a pale skin and noone to hold my hand by my side and no desire to keep going. My life used to be good! I bloody can't call this a life either...

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8 hours ago, Azipod said:

I am not looking forward to it.  When everyone will be home with their love ones, I will be home alone, grieving.  How sad!

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

I don't like it either! Not at all never will. I am so alone.

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3 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

Yeah. We have all died when we lost our better halves. Only we are cursed to walk among the living.

It really feels like I am living someone elses life right now. Laid on a hospital bed with a pale skin and noone to hold my hand by my side and no desire to keep going. My life used to be good! I bloody can't call this a life either...

No it's not life at all. It's a horrible hell that keeps happening every day again as soon as our eyes open.

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12 hours ago, Azipod said:

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

I don't like it either, Azipod. No matter how much reading we do, be it grief books, the afterlife, or other things, it is unwanted and miserable. I avoid the people who tell me I had a life before I met my husband. Well, I had a crappy life before and the years I did have with my husband were the best of my entire life. Why couldn't it continue well into natural old age like we think it is supposed to?

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18 minutes ago, KMB said:

I don't like it either, Azipod. No matter how much reading we do, be it grief books, the afterlife, or other things, it is unwanted and miserable. I avoid the people who tell me I had a life before I met my husband. Well, I had a crappy life before and the years I did have with my husband were the best of my entire life. Why couldn't it continue well into natural old age like we think it is supposed to?

Isn't this the truth? Read and pray. The loss of Lauri so early destroyed all our dreams. We had plans and she was such a joy to me. I've lost Lauri and all the dreams, hopes and plans we had went with her. 

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13 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I don't call this life, its hell and I say when you lost your spouse you learn how to live in hell without dying.

I agree.  This isn't a life.   I've been experiencing a constant wave of grief all weekend.    It really started to hit me last night as I was getting into bed.  I was again reminded of the sadness and emptiness in my life because my wife is not here.   The pain continued throughout all night and it was still there at the second I woke up on Sunday.   Going through this Sunday, it's been sad.  I've been at home doing chores and cleaning up things.   It's hitting me so hard that I am surrounded with what was a complete and beautiful home we've created for ourselves.  Except that is she no longer here.    The feeling is so surreal.  

Like others have suggested, I'm still taking a day at a time. What else can I do?  But it is still the unimaginable to tell myself that I have this home, and my wife will never be in here with me again.   This is so painful.

 

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7 hours ago, Patti14 said:

No it's not life at all. It's a horrible hell that keeps happening every day again as soon as our eyes open.

Patti14, you are so correct.   Even at 3-months and a week into this, I still feel the same.  There is an intense pain that comes with the realization that I no longer have my wife ..... it begins the moment I open my eyes.   It is still painful every morning.  Vice versa, I am starting the feel the pain when I go to sleep as well.....  I didn't have the pain when I crawled into bed until I was 2 months into it.

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2 hours ago, KMB said:

I don't like it either, Azipod. No matter how much reading we do, be it grief books, the afterlife, or other things, it is unwanted and miserable. I avoid the people who tell me I had a life before I met my husband. Well, I had a crappy life before and the years I did have with my husband were the best of my entire life. Why couldn't it continue well into natural old age like we think it is supposed to?

Sigh.   I know.   Wouldn't all of us just give anything in the world to have our spouse/partner back....    I am really tired from this grief.   I really don't know why we are put through this pain and agony.  Just earlier this afternoon, I looked at a picture of my wife in the house.    I miss her so much and I cannot believe that I haven't been with her for 100-days now.  How was this even possible?  How did I get through this time?   I am missing her more and more by the day and the pain just increases.  I feel so, so sad.

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2 hours ago, Paluka said:

Isn't this the truth? Read and pray. The loss of Lauri so early destroyed all our dreams. We had plans and she was such a joy to me. I've lost Lauri and all the dreams, hopes and plans we had went with her. 

It upsets me that everyone only sees the surface when they hear that you've lost your spouse/partner.   They only look as far as seeing that your romantic partner is gone.   Oh, that is so far from the truth.  Admittedly,  I was totally naive before too... ... but I wished the general population knew what we go through every minute of the day.    If they knew, they would see that when we lost our partner/spouse, a huge piece of our own body died as well.  We've lost our support system, financial security, confidence, faith, dreams/future, identity, along with our income.  The end result is just a sad sad, purposeless life along with the pain from grief that does not stop.   This is our new life.

 

 

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I guess this explains why everyone else out in the world is so oblivious to the pain we have to endure every second, every minute, and every hour of the day, everyday.

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58 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Patti14, you are so correct.   Even at 3-months and a week into this, I still feel the same.  There is an intense pain that comes with the realization that I no longer have my wife ..... it begins the moment I open my eyes.   It is still painful every morning.  Vice versa, I am starting the feel the pain when I go to sleep as well.....  I didn't have the pain when I crawled into bed until I was 2 months into it.

I have the pain throughout the day. The mornings are the start of it realizing it is true all over again. The nights when I go to bed have been ok. I guess I have that to look forward to because I am sure it's coming.  This pain and heart break are wearing me down already and making me sick. I am just 2 weeks and a day in and have a long way to go. I just don't want to do it without him.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

I agree.  This isn't a life.   I've been experiencing a constant wave of grief all weekend.    It really started to hit me last night as I was getting into bed.  I was again reminded of the sadness and emptiness in my life because my wife is not here.   The pain continued throughout all night and it was still there at the second I woke up on Sunday.   Going through this Sunday, it's been sad.  I've been at home doing chores and cleaning up things.   It's hitting me so hard that I am surrounded with what was a complete and beautiful home we've created for ourselves.  Except that is she no longer here.    The feeling is so surreal.  

Like others have suggested, I'm still taking a day at a time. What else can I do?  But it is still the unimaginable to tell myself that I have this home, and my wife will never be in here with me again.   This is so painful.

 

I have felt the same way all weekend.  I keep hearing everyone say one day at a time to. Well what they don't get is that one day sucks and is miserable and I don't want to do it without him. I keep looking around at our home and life we have built together and he is no longer here. It is just so unfair. I want him back and it's never going to happen. 

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20 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I have the pain throughout the day. The mornings are the start of it realizing it is true all over again. The nights when I go to bed have been ok. I guess I have that to look forward to because I am sure it's coming.  This pain and heart break are wearing me down already and making me sick. I am just 2 weeks and a day in and have a long way to go. I just don't want to do it without him.

The pain while going to sleep likely didn't happen for me because it was so exhausted during the earlier weeks.  However, I'm not sure.   As I got into completing the 2 month mark, I suddenly had the pain every morning when I looked at our bed.  My wife's side had been undisturbed and clean for so long.   It was another reminder for me every morning that she was no longer here.   I started a post here on the Forum to see what others had done as to which side of the bed to sleep on.    I finally decided that I will sleep on both sides of the bed including the center.   However, it took me about 2 weeks to fully move from my side to my wife's.   I didn't want to make the jump right away, so I basically moved an inch over each night.     I know it feels weird, but when my wife initially left, I had the feeling that I have to save a space for her.  I didn't just want to take her space away.    Now, I'm all the way over on her side.... and it does feel kind of weird.... because my wife always joked with me that I was not allowed on her side of the bed........    So during this time with the sleeping positions... that is when I started to cry when I go to sleep..... again, not only starting the day without her. ... it is ending each day without her as well.

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14 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I have felt the same way all weekend.  I keep hearing everyone say one day at a time to. Well what they don't get is that one day sucks and is miserable and I don't want to do it without him. I keep looking around at our home and life we have built together and he is no longer here. It is just so unfair. I want him back and it's never going to happen. 

The "one day at a time" technique only worked for me short term.   Towards the end of my 3rd month, I hated that saying.   Why?  Because each day is the f**king same.  There's no point to keep saying one day at a time because each day just repeats itself.   Then I started to think about what will happen TOMORROW and tomorrow will be the same as well.   It's a ongoing, repeating nightmare that I cannot wake up from.  There is absolutely no escape from this pain which literally draws me down to my knees.

I don't even know what I tell myself these days.....    I think I basically just ride it out.   For me, the peak of the intensity/pain hits hard .... but it does not maintain itself.     So I pretty much just let my body accept the feelings and continue going on through the day.    The intensity subsides.... but as I just wrote in another post, there is still a constant nagging pain that's been following me around all weekend..   It's making me really sad.

I wish that I could talk to my wife and let her know how sad I am without her, and that it's been so awful and painful.  I wish she can comfort me and I want her back.

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10 minutes ago, Azipod said:

The pain while going to sleep likely didn't happen for me because it was so exhausted during the earlier weeks.  However, I'm not sure.   As I got into completing the 2 month mark, I suddenly had the pain every morning when I looked at our bed.  My wife's side had been undisturbed and clean for so long.   It was another reminder for me every morning that she was no longer here.   I started a post here on the Forum to see what others had done as to which side of the bed to sleep on.    I finally decided that I will sleep on both sides of the bed including the center.   However, it took me about 2 weeks to fully move from my side to my wife's.   I didn't want to make the jump right away, so I basically moved an inch over each night.     I know it feels weird, but when my wife initially left, I had the feeling that I have to save a space for her.  I didn't just want to take her space away.    Now, I'm all the way over on her side.... and it does feel kind of weird.... because my wife always joked with me that I was not allowed on her side of the bed........    So during this time with the sleeping positions... that is when I started to cry when I go to sleep..... again, not only starting the day without her. ... it is ending each day without her as well.

I know it sounds weird but I haven't been able to wash his laundry yet. I have some of his clothes on how side of the bed. The rest I have on the table next to his side of the bed. It's to painful to move his things.

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7 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I know it sounds weird but I haven't been able to wash his laundry yet. I have some of his clothes on how side of the bed. The rest I have on the table next to his side of the bed. It's to painful to move his things.

I lost my wife while we were on vacation.   I was able to do the laundry just a short time after returning home.  That is, until i started folding the laundry.   It was one of the first things that hit me hard which reminded me that she was no longer here.   It was doing the laundry and watering her indoor plants..... Both of which I never had to do before again.   So it was significant for me... to have to now do these tasks.  The grief basically just smacked me in the face and told me the true reality.

May I suggest that you wash your husband's clothes when you are ready, and then fold them and put them away?    I placed all of my wife's belongings inside her closet or inside drawers that I don't use.     It was so painful for me to see her items around the house .....  the feeling of seeing those things yet knowing that she won't be back to use or claim them was too painful. So for me, it helped by putting them away to some place where I don't see it. 

Pretty much the only thing I have out are our pictures.  The pictures, surprisingly, don't bug me.  I actually created a nice photo in a frame of us and I put it on her bed stand.   I think having the photos in the house actually brings me comfort... of knowing that she is still alive in my heart and that we are still together.

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4 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I lost my wife while we were on vacation.   I was able to do the laundry just a short time after returning home.  That is, until i started folding the laundry.   It was one of the first things that hit me hard which reminded me that she was no longer here.   It was doing the laundry and watering her indoor plants..... Both of which I never had to do before again.   So it was significant for me... to have to now do these tasks.  The grief basically just smacked me in the face and told me the true reality.

May I suggest that you wash your husband's clothes when you are ready, and then fold them and put them away?    I placed all of my wife's belongings inside her closet or inside drawers that I don't use.     It was so painful for me to see her items around the house .....  the feeling of seeing those things yet knowing that she won't be back to use or claim them was too painful. So for me, it helped by putting them away to some place where I don't see it. 

Pretty much the only thing I have out are our pictures.  The pictures, surprisingly, don't bug me.  I actually created a nice photo in a frame of us and I put it on her bed stand.   I think having the photos in the house actually brings me comfort... of knowing that she is still alive in my heart and that we are still together.

I lost my husband at home in our bed. I couldn't save him and 911 took to long to awnser the phone and took over 10 minutes to get here. On vacation that is hard to. Not that any of it is easy. I just feel maybe if we knew and they were sick we would have had time to prepare ourselves some. Idk maybe that would not have helped either.

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2 hours ago, Azipod said:

I am really tired from this grief.

I am tired too. It is a physical drain of what little energy I have, just to put one foot in front of the other. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. I went outside earlier to cut back some flowers that have long since had their season this year. I was kneeling on the ground and found myself just staring off into the woods. I was thinking about how mundane this chore is now. How useless. My husband wasn't here this year to see the beauty of the flowers and enjoy the birds at the feeders or enjoy the buzzing by of the hummingbirds.I found no pleasure, no joy, of these things either this year. The outside chores are just busy work for me now. Everything is robotic and a way of filling time. No life partner by by side enjoying the fruits of our labor. I know my life now is a matter of attitude adjustment and making a good try of it. I don't have the heart for it these days.

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

I know it sounds weird but I haven't been able to wash his laundry yet.

It is not weird. I have the last of my husband's unwashed laundry in a paper sack in the laundry room. I can't stand the thought of washing them. I need the proof that he was here. The same with his belongings where he left them. I put his work hat and gloves in a paper bag also. Every so often I'll open the bag and breathe in that scent of diesel fuel and oil that was so familiar for so many years.

1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

I just feel maybe if we knew and they were sick we would have had time to prepare ourselves some.

I don't feel that even if I had time for any kind of preparation, that it would be any easier. I miss my husband's physical presence, his bantering, his smile, his laugh, our constant companionship, every second .I miss cooking for him, finding the tv remote, cleaning his shaving whiskers from the bathroom sink. I miss everything.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

I wish that I could talk to my wife and let her know how sad I am without her, and that it's been so awful and painful.  I wish she can comfort me and I want her back.

I wish for the same. I wish that the afterlife had visiting hours or we were allowed at least a 5 minute phone call.  Our loved ones can see and hear us. Why can't we have the same?

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14 minutes ago, KMB said:

It is not weird. I have the last of my husband's unwashed laundry in a paper sack in the laundry room. I can't stand the thought of washing them. I need the proof that he was here. The same with his belongings where he left them. I put his work hat and gloves in a paper bag also. Every so often I'll open the bag and breathe in that scent of diesel fuel and oil that was so familiar for so many years.

I don't feel that even if I had time for any kind of preparation, that it would be any easier. I miss my husband's physical presence, his bantering, his smile, his laugh, our constant companionship, every second .I miss cooking for him, finding the tv remote, cleaning his shaving whiskers from the bathroom sink. I miss everything.

Yeah you are right. I miss all those things to. I'm sure it wouldn't be any easier. I just say that because it was a sudden shock and I think I am trying to find a way to search for awnsers I am never going to get.

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37 minutes ago, KMB said:

I am tired too. It is a physical drain of what little energy I have, just to put one foot in front of the other. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. I went outside earlier to cut back some flowers that have long since had their season this year. I was kneeling on the ground and found myself just staring off into the woods. I was thinking about how mundane this chore is now. How useless. My husband wasn't here this year to see the beauty of the flowers and enjoy the birds at the feeders or enjoy the buzzing by of the hummingbirds.I found no pleasure, no joy, of these things either this year. The outside chores are just busy work for me now. Everything is robotic and a way of filling time. No life partner by by side enjoying the fruits of our labor. I know my life now is a matter of attitude adjustment and making a good try of it. I don't have the heart for it these days.

Exactly nothing brings me pleasure like it did while he was here. Nothing matters anymore without him. I have the tv on but I'm not into it because we watched TV together. A commercial came on that he always said in a funny voice and it just hurts.

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Everyday I wake up, looking into the blank ceiling thinking of him and every moment I just cannt stop thinking of him. When is time to sleep - was him who turn of the light every night. I cannt even bother to switch off the light to sleep. Because is not me to do it!! Yes I wish I can just turn back time and able to cuddle in his arms again. This is so sad for all of us that we only have it in our memories. Every night I speak to God and pray, pls don't let me be here for too long just take me. I just don't want to get out of this grief at time as I think maybe if I grief hard enough my heart will just give up on me. That will be so great! 

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6 hours ago, TeddTodd said:

Everyday I wake up, looking into the blank ceiling thinking of him and every moment I just cannt stop thinking of him. When is time to sleep - was him who turn of the light every night. I cannt even bother to switch off the light to sleep. Because is not me to do it!! Yes I wish I can just turn back time and able to cuddle in his arms again. This is so sad for all of us that we only have it in our memories. Every night I speak to God and pray, pls don't let me be here for too long just take me. I just don't want to get out of this grief at time as I think maybe if I grief hard enough my heart will just give up on me. That will be so great! 

I know what you mean. It is so painful to be without my husband. I grief so hard my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. I just don't know how to do this without him.

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16 hours ago, KMB said:

I wish for the same. I wish that the afterlife had visiting hours or we were allowed at least a 5 minute phone call.  Our loved ones can see and hear us. Why can't we have the same?

2 weeks ago, the night before our anniversary, I lit a white candle right before I went to sleep and asked for my spirit guides to help me connect with my wife in spirit.  I burned a piece of paper with her name with the candle before I blew it out and went straight to bed.

Unfortunately, she did not come.  I have not had any connections or signs.

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8 hours ago, TeddTodd said:

Every night I speak to God and pray, pls don't let me be here for too long just take me. I just don't want to get out of this grief at time as I think maybe if I grief hard enough my heart will just give up on me. 

That is what I am hoping for too.  I want this pain to just take me away.  I want to die from a broken heart.

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27 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Unfortunately, she did not come.  I have not had any connections or signs.

I longed for some sign that he is ok too. But then I kept reading the Bible again and again. There won't be any sign because he is (and all of loved ones ) resting in peace in paradise in Lord arms.. they are sleeping. That is a bittersweet comfort but I know I will meet him in heaven. I will be patience so I will be with him.

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2 hours ago, Azipod said:

2 weeks ago, the night before our anniversary, I lit a white candle right before I went to sleep and asked for my spirit guides to help me connect with my wife in spirit.  I burned a piece of paper with her name with the candle before I blew it out and went straight to bed.

Unfortunately, she did not come.  I have not had any connections or signs.

I have tried the same thing. It is said that spirit is drawn to candles and will flicker the flame to let you know they are there. I even have a pic of my husband near the candle. No dreams, no candle flame flicker, nothing.  Makes me feel foolish for wishing so badly for something.

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1 hour ago, TeddTodd said:

That is a bittersweet comfort but I know I will meet him in heaven. I will be patience so I will be with him.

Whatever our faith, beliefs, we do have that knowing that we will be with them again. Patience is easier said than done, though. We could be here for many, many years yet and the days drag by so slow. I hope life gets a little easier to bear for all of us eventually.:wub:

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7 minutes ago, KMB said:

I have tried the same thing. It is said that spirit is drawn to candles and will flicker the flame to let you know they are there. I even have a pic of my husband near the candle. No dreams, no candle flame flicker, nothing.  Makes me feel foolish for wishing so badly for something.

Shows you how we desperately miss our loved ones.    We would do just anything to get connected.  I wish there was something to ease this agony and pain.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just us that are suffering.  I mean, there are other visitors on the forum and those who don't come here.   Does that mean these individuals have accepted the loss and have moved on to other things in life?    As much as I come online, I'm surprise to see that there's only about half a dozen of us who are always here.   

What does everyone else do???  

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3 hours ago, Patti14 said:

It is so painful to be without my husband. I grief so hard my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. I just don't know how to do this without him.

It is painful and it is hard. I had chest pains for the first month or so. I think it was part of being in shock. It didn't kill me like I was hoping for. The intensity of the pain does lessen over time. then the pain levels off into a deep sadness which I feel is what we will always carry with us. Adjusting to life without our loved one is a painful, bumpy road.

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7 minutes ago, Azipod said:

What does everyone else do???

That is a good question I have often wondered about. There were a few people I was concerned about when they first joined. One lady who only posted once, never returned. She was very despondent. Her husband was dying of cancer. She was stock piling his unused meds. She said she was going to take them all when he passed. Did she? I did private message her and a couple others who only posted a couple times. Never heard back. It makes you wonder.

I know some do take breaks from the forum. That is understandable. Maybe they have better coping skills, I don't know. I remember one woman who joined shortly after I did. She had her account deleted after about a month or so. She said that she got whatever she needed from here and didn't need the forum anymore. Everyone is different. I also feel that the quality of the relationship and the depth of love for the one lost plays a big factor. I know that I am totally lost without my husband.

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24 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Shows you how we desperately miss our loved ones.    We would do just anything to get connected.

I agree. The medium readings only provide temporary comfort. Reading about the afterlife and what our loved ones are doing and enjoying,  just makes me envious and even more sad at having to be separated by these 2 realms of life.

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