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Now what?


fletch14

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Hi all,

I lost my mom in March 2017 fairly suddenly. We waited until August to do the celebration of her life, which was just as she would have wanted. I am somewhat relieved to have the celebration done with, but I am stuck with... now what? How do you move on from this? She is still gone... and it still sometimes shocks me that she isn't coming back. I do some things to keep her presence with me... but generally it just is the worst.

I was watching some videos of her, and hearing her voice is both heart warming and heart breaking. How do you keep putting one foot in front of the other? Does it get easier?

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Hi fletch14,

I think everything you are saying and thinking is natural part of the grief journey. It takes a long time for our bodies and minds to process our loss. I'm sure it still feels surreal.

During this difficult time its best to be as kind and gentle as possible with yourself. Its moment by moment, day by day for now.

When my dad passed 11 months ago people told me that my intense feelings would lessen over time. The pain is still there but it is getting a little easier. I am trying to adapt to my new reality. I've tried a variety of things to cope with my grief. Everything from reading, writing, joining a grief support group, counselling, going to the cemetery to visit my dad.

Take care of yourself.

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Dear Fletch,

I feel exactly as you do.  Now what?  How does one go on?  How does one come to terms with the biggest loss ever?  I have said this before I think.  I just do a rinse and repeat process like brushing ones teeth.  Basically we have to brush our teeth!  Its like that.  Each day I get up, bathe, dress, eat and go about the day.  Its always there hovering over me.  Every morning before I get up, I don't want to get up but I make myself get up.  I realise more and more that grief evolves.  It evolves to a different type of grief.  At first the shock is so hard to absorb.  It goes on for months.  After realising she isn't coming back and this is it for life, its  now what?  Now what is hard.  it is cold and empty.  Who knows how long now what lasts?  Maybe after now what?  it becomes something else?  Maybe the sadness feels different?  I wouldn't know.  I just wanted to say, I feel as you do.  Its hard.  I talk to my moms picture every day.  it makes me feel like maybe sometimes she is listening?  Who the hell knows!  I am sad she doesn't answer of course but every day I talk to her.

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Now what???  I feel exactly the same way.  I don't have an answer.  I also started watching videos..oh boy do i have alot of videos...just to hear and see her...so mixed emotions.   

I feel friends don't get it either, because my mom was 82, lived a good life and was declining.  So I get the comment alot from friends and some family how she is better off.  That doesn't help me.

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Dear smk,

No that doesn't help at all!  My mom was the same age as yours, its not helpful.  Even I think it sometimes about my mom because i want to feel it.  I know she isn't suffering anymore and I shouldn't be so needy and selfish but I still want my mom.  I don't even talk about it to friends.  No one wants to hear it really and I don't want to hear stupid comments that make me feel worse.

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