A Ring

[AshleyDonahue]

I am driving now, for the first time since our accident. It's really not that bad, or as bad as people expected it to be. I have to hold the wheel differently, but I can do it. I played the radio to calm my nerves, and a favorite song of mine came on right away, which I wanted to interpret as David being with me, but I'm just not sure.

Today I went to a doctors appointment, and then to the mall to look for a birthday present for my little sister. And then I did something I've been contemplating for a while, but never wanted to ask for a ride to do, it had to be on my own.

I went to a jewelry store; to look for a band, as we would have been married by now and I consider myself so. I know it is weird or unnerving to other people, but I do, and if I've learned anything the past few months, it's that other peoples' opinions really mean zilch. It's amazing how steely you can get after this. 

I bolstered myself, and I thought I was prepared. But when the store employee came to me as I was looking at men's wedding bands, and asked about when I was getting married, I fell apart. She was amazingly compassionate: she cried with me. She cleaned my engagement ring, and took great care in suggesting different ideas and having me try on countless other rings. When she eventually asked what his birth month was, and I said July, she went and found a slim band with rubies. My immediate reaction was no, no way, not my style and it doesn't look like a wedding band. But when I tried it on... well, she knocked it out of the park. Just like he did with the engagement ring...oh man, I was such a pain in the @ss about that! He would always tell me he wanted to marry me, that he was going to propose... he would show me pictures of different ring styles, stone shapes, and ask what I liked, but I refused to participate! I told him - and I meant it - that I really didn't care. As long as he picked it, even if it was a garbage bag twist-tie looped into a circle, I wouldn't care. He asked my friends - even my best girl friend Trinity, whom my mom had to call the night of the accident, to say that that David had died, that I was in bad shape and might not make it, that she wanted someone next to me at the hospital because she and my dad couldn't fly out until the next day. But even them, I wouldn't tell. It truly didn't matter... as long as it was from him, as long as I could be his wife, that's all I wanted. 

Well, he ended up picking the most beautiful ring ever to exist (in my biased opinion), and it didn't matter in the slightest. All I remember is his proposal, how he looked, the way he paused midway through, looked to side, tears in his eyes, the perfect Arizona night as we sat outside on our patio when it happened. 

And now I'm alone buying my own "wedding" ring... at least something to be engraved with his name, to carry with me all the time. I meant forever when I said it. It won't be ready until December, as it has to be sized and engraved... but they had me take a picture with the one in the store. 

Please ignore my nails (talons at this point), they are hard to trim these days with my non-cooperative arm.

[M88]

Ohh, it's very beautiful, Ashley.  Your engagement isn't too dusty either   David chose well too!! 

I am so pleased you are up to getting out and about again.  And well done you for following your heart and buying the ring!!!  I too had people I often didn't know, even some men" cry with me when I'd have meltdowns after my hubby was killed in a traumatic manner.  The meltdowns in public still occur occasionally for me, 19 months on.  It often only takes a compassionate comment to set me off.  

Strength and hugs x

 

 

[TooDevastated]

Your ring is beautiful. I wish I had a ring left from my boyfriend... Maybe I'll buy one for myself like you X

[Francine]

The ring is simply beautiful.  I applaud you for going into the store; it must have been very difficult.  I truly believe your David's spirit was with you and is always with you.   His spirit is near even though you don't see him; his spirit is with you even when you think he's far away.  He is in your heat, in your thoughts, and in your life, always.   I know how difficult it is for you and we sometimes can't always see where the roads of life will lead us, but stay strong because my true belief is that God doesn't give us what we can handle; HE helps us handle what we are given.

[KayC]

The ring is beautiful and more importantly is what it means to you and all of the meaning that goes into it.  The salesperson's suggestion was a good one and I'm glad you had someone compassionate to help you.

8 hours ago, AshleyDonahue said:

if I've learned anything the past few months, it's that other peoples' opinions really mean zilch. It's amazing how steely you can get after this.

I've found the same thing to be true too, I grew a lot of moxie when George died.

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Francine said:

God doesn't give us what we can handle; HE helps us handle what we are given.

That's much more apt than the way people misinterpret the scripture!  I like the way you put it, it's a great paraphrase because it conveys the true intent of the original scripture.

[KMB]

Ashley, The ring is a beautiful! I feel that David was guiding the sales clerk for the right choice. "Forever" is just that, and on into eternity.

Baby steps---- This is what this grieving process takes. I'm proud of you for taking the step in driving, and the step into the jewelry store. That also includes being courageous in going into a mall for your sister's birthday gift!

Take your time with these baby steps and let your heart guide you. David is always with you, every step of the way.

[AshleyDonahue]

Thank you all for your kind words. They mean a lot, truly. Francine, I like especially what you said about God not giving us what we can handle (as people often like to tell us), but that He will up us with what we have been given. Trying hard to take stock in that, even though this has certainly proven to be quite the rest. 

I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Yesterday was hard... I'd say unexpectedly, but I guess what I'm slowly coming to realize is that I cannot expect/anticipate how one day will be from one to the next. I went to simply get some photos printed at Walgreens, and even though they are pictures I've seen a hundred times on my phone, when they come out of the machine as prints, I lost it once again. Full blown tears in the store. 

I put them up in frames in my bedroom, and I'm happy to have them, but... I just don't know anymore. 

My cousin passed away unexpectedly today, and although we weren't especially close my growing up - in terms of age difference and living in different places - he had reached out to me after the accident with such a heartfelt message, and I fully expected to see and talk to him in person soon. 2017 is quite the year... 

But thank you again, to all of you... this website is truly a blessing in the midst of everything. 

[Iriss]

Your rings are gorgeous! I love that you went and got yourself a ring and I think lovely for it to be his birthstone. I'm also thankful the sales associate was so compassionate towards you and helped you find something that really "fit." 

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I agree, I'm ready for 2017 to end.

[Eagle-96]

8 hours ago, AshleyDonahue said:

Thank you all for your kind words. They mean a lot, truly. Francine, I like especially what you said about God not giving us what we can handle (as people often like to tell us), but that He will up us with what we have been given. Trying hard to take stock in that, even though this has certainly proven to be quite the rest. 

I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Yesterday was hard... I'd say unexpectedly, but I guess what I'm slowly coming to realize is that I cannot expect/anticipate how one day will be from one to the next. I went to simply get some photos printed at Walgreens, and even though they are pictures I've seen a hundred times on my phone, when they come out of the machine as prints, I lost it once again. Full blown tears in the store. 

I put them up in frames in my bedroom, and I'm happy to have them, but... I just don't know anymore. 

My cousin passed away unexpectedly today, and although we weren't especially close my growing up - in terms of age difference and living in different places - he had reached out to me after the accident with such a heartfelt message, and I fully expected to see and talk to him in person soon. 2017 is quite the year... 

But thank you again, to all of you... this website is truly a blessing in the midst of everything. 

So sorry for the loss. We find ourselves grieving the love of our lives and then we are hit with more to grieve over. Sometimes life seems to pile up on us when we think we are at are wits end. I pray for your peace and comfort as you deal with this.

[KayC]

Ashley,

I'm so sorry about your cousin as well, that's hard.  Even if it's not someone we see daily, on top of what you're already going through, it can really hit, esp. since you wanted t talk to him.

[KMB]

Ashley, I am also sorry with the sudden loss of your cousin. With you expecting to see him soon, I cannot imagine the added pain and maybe the possible flashbacks of loss of your fiance. Sending prayers for comfort and peace.