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My mom might kill herself today


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My mom cheated on my dad 10 years ago, they divorced shortly thereafter.  I was in college then, I'm 29 now.  I love and support my dad, and we are very close.  He actually lives with me, my wife, and our toddler son.  My relationship with my mom has gone in and out since she cheated.  I am still angry about the nights my dad spent alone and crying, as she was a ruthless liar who stepped out on him despite his devoted love for her.  My wife was with me in college and was my security blanket when I cried about my parents.  My wife is Irish and holds grudges, so she has always hated my mom, both for what she did to my dad and what she indirectly did to me and my sister (who is 3 years younger).

My mom has been depressed for 7-8 years now, since shortly after the divorce.  She has no money, no assets, no friends, and a family that only tolerates her because she is a train wreck.  I put myself in that group as well.  She has been inviting herself over my house recently, showing up unannounced despite my asking her not to.  When she shows up, rather than confront her, I allow her in the house to play with my son.  This infuriates my wife, as well it should.  My mom is not dangerous per se, but my son has gotten hurt occasionally when my mom hasn't been very attentive (this was during a time when our relationship was ok, and we allowed her to babysit). 

I have been cowardly in addressing these visits with my mom, as I hate conflict and felt in the middle of two people I cared about.  But when she showed up at 6:30am this morning unannounced, my wife ran to the car and left.  I followed her (my dad was still at the house with my mom and my son), and once I met up with my wife, she threatened to leave me if I didn't confront my mother about her selfish behavior.

I love my wife, so I did.  I talked to my mother and told her that she was not allowed to come over unannounced.  We could meet her out for breakfast or whatever, but that the random visits had to stop.  She cried and hung up.  She immediately called my dad and said "Please don't let my grandson forget me" and hung up.

I'm expecting a call at any moment.  I'm expecting my mother to kill herself today. 

I've done a lot of searching since I found out what she said to my dad, and while I'm reading a lot of stories about people missing their parents, I'm not finding any other situations where a child's actions have led directly to a parent's suicide.  That might be my situation by this afternoon.

And as much as I've wished she was out of my life, I have no idea how I'm going to deal with the guilt when it does happen. 

And even if it doesn't happen today, she is holding on by a string.  I had not confronted her about this because I knew she might turn to suicide as a response.  And that's a horseshit position for her to put me in - making me tiptoe around her because she's depressed and suicidal.  But that's the life I live right now.

Help me.

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June 07, 2010


Dear Members,


We’re excited to inform you that we’re moving to a new and improved message board at the end of this week. It may seem a little bit sudden, but we recently learned that the company that designed our current board is no longer in existence. Our new message board will offer enhanced profile capabilities and chat rooms with up to 20 people at a time (and more if we need it). All of your old posts and private messages will be migrated to our new message board. You may need to re-post your profile picture. Our new message board will feature:


  • Custom profile fields
  • Profile page customization with optional background colors, images, and tiling options
  • Facebook and Twitter integration
  • Multiple post responses via “mini-quotes”
  • Pinned discussion threads
  • Targeted board announcements (for entire board or certain sections)
  • Comprehensive search options enabling users to easily find all content created by a particular member (by clicking “Find Content” on the main profile page, or in the “Mini Profile” pop-up which can be accessed throughout the board) 
  • Enhanced privacy options that allow users to sign in anonymously, be hidden from the online users list, disable personal conversations, and deny user-to-user emails


You can access the new message board by visiting www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com. Grieving.com is still 100% a part of Beyond Indigo; we just created a new Web address for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) purposes. We’ll do our best to redirect all existing URL’s to our new board, but if you have difficulty accessing them, just remember to visit www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We’ll of course try to make this transition as seamless as possible. 


Our new board will seamlessly enable us to grow our community and provide you with even more ways to interact with one other, and for that we’re very grateful. Please feel free to email feedback@beyondindigo.com with any questions, and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Indigo online community.


Kelly Baltzell, MA

President/CEO, Beyond Indigo



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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family

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