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accitental death


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I'm feeling huge regret tonight as i write this.. a pet bird's death due to a decision I made, and it could have been avoided if i had made a different choice :(

About a month ago I noticed one on my birds having the classic ill look, fluffy ruffled feathers, balding, always sleeping, etc..  I did what a proper finch owner would do, bought a hospital cage equiped with a heat lamp.. gave him lots of love and attention, proper nutrition, and fresh water at all times. During the first week in the hospital cage he seemed to perk up more and was definetly doing alot better.. a month or so went by, and he was still acting the same, had a cute spunk about him, and hand cute new feathers coming in, however he still wasn't 100% yet. I really bonded with the sweet thing during this time, while I was dedicating alot of love and attention to him. he made my heart melt at how needy and sweet he was. (I had a cute cozy bird snuggly he absolutely loved and would sleep in, he was so sweet...)

During the month I had toyed with the idea about giving him a broad spectrum antibiotic.  Because I am a bit strapped for money, i didnt have the funds to take him to the vet, he was a smaller inexpensive finch bird, and people around me laughed told me to not bother, as the vet bills would just be to much to justify for a small bird, it didnt really make sence either at the time.. I grew up with finches and I don't ever remember taking them to see vets...I did some research on the net about antibiotics, on what to do, and learned that probiotics are must afterwards. I thought about this for a long time, decided it was time to purchase some, and thought there was nothing to lose, since he doesnt seem to be getting back to his 100% self. I brought the stuff home, along with probiotics. I looked at the bottle of antibiotics for a long time wondering what to do, I had this feeling in my gut that maybe I shouldnt and made my mind that I better not. My boyfriend and sister where there while I was talking out the dilema on what to do, they thought I should just go ahead and administer the stuff, and then I gave in and agreed.  I followed the instructions, as it was just to administer the antibiotics as the only source of drinking water *it was water mixed with some drug* for 5 days..  It felt pretty good knowing that I was doing somthing that would help him and I was getting excited about him being back to his old self.. I was excited to put him back with his mate, as they were missing eachother. 3 days had gone by, and in the evening on the 3rd day I all of a sudden noticed somthing not right. He was having sudden ill effects from the drugs.. acting like he was drunk and drugged up one moment then seemed to be somewhat normal for a few mins and then would act really weird again. He also had moments where he got extremly skinny and would pant with his beak open and would make random squeks of pain it sounded like. I freaked out and promptly tossed out the meds and gave him fresh water. I didnt know what else to do.. these odd episodes continued that evening. The next 2 days, the odd episodes stopped occuring and as the week went by he seemed to be getting better *not as he was previously, but not as bad as that one night* He was getting his probiotics and slept a lot.. he even started to sing again, which made me happy and a definte good thing to hear, but he was still very weak and tired, as the antibotic wipes everything out. One of the days i noticed he was not vocal at all, just ate, drank and slept, but i just let him be to just take the time to rest, as i thought he just might be having an off day. I kept an eye on him and hoped and prayed he'd make a full recovery, altho things didnt look to good that day.. I woke up that next morning, before heading into the shower i decided to take a peak in his cage. Ready to say a soft hello and a few loving words, I noticed him laying on the floor with his head down, with a closer inspection he was dead :( At the time, it was a heart sinking feeling but I wasnt totally sad at that moment. I just said a soft "awwww" and went back to the bedroom to announce to my boyfriend that the birdie was dead, and he came out to look and we stood there looking and were saddened. I had to quickly get ready, for it was a work day for me and i didnt really have that much time to think about it. As the day went on, I tried not to think about it, and focused on my job *as its a highly social, costumer service job* and it didnt really phase or bother me.. I didnt even bother me to much that night.. I maybe cried a little bit for the lil guy but that was it..

 today however its really hitting me.. Its the weekend and Im spending time thinking about it finally, and I'm having huge swelling feelings of regret and guilt. I know it may be just a bird to people, but I put a lot of effort and love into tryin to help him get better.. Just looking at pictures and thinking of him sends me off into hysterical crying :( I really miss him and feel so so so sorry that I did this to him.. he was such a sweet little guy and he was fine and able to live comfortably and happy before the antibiotics.. I can't help but feel like its all my fault, and I killed him. Why does this hurt so much?

Thanks for reading my story, as writting this out has helped a bit, but its still all very sad to me :(

*ps the girl finch has a new male mate, they are getting along well and she is no longer lonely


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stashia-I am so sorry to hear about your little finch-he was adorable!You went above and beyond what alot of people would have done for him,so please don't feel guilty.You did the best you could and gave him alot of love while he was with you.I used to have finches too and I remember I went out and bought them a bigger,nicer cage.What I didn't know was that their was an opening at the top that they could get out of.I came home one day and noticed that my cat ran by with something white in his mouth.I chased him upstairs and held him until he dropped my little girl finch on the floor.She was still alive and sooo scared.I scooped her up kissed her and put her back in her old cage.She sadly died the next day and I felt so horrible,sad and so responsible.Like you,I had only good intentions.I hope your new little guy will help you with your loss-HUGS!!;)

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


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