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Hello everyone -  I haven't posted here in a couple of years.  My beloved daughter Erin died Nov. 24, 2005 from a seizure. It was a massive shock. She was 23 years old.

I just want to ask a question of those of you who have been going through the grief process for a while.

I feel completely empty inside.  Like there is nothing left of me but the part that walks around.  My husband left me and my divorce was final exactly a year before Erin died.  I live alone.  My other 2 adult kids live 25 and 40 miles away, so it isn't easy to pop over to their places.  I don't have anyone to talk to.  I have friends, but I feel it is to the point where I have to be careful that I don't unload on them anymore because they don't know what to do with my pain.  I have been to counseling and have quit because it seemed silly to pay a person listen to me.  I have been to grief support groups and that was great, but again, felt as though people were getting tired of my stuff. 

I can't find anyplace that I fit in.  I can't find any activities that excite me.  I mostly go to work, and then go home and wait for something to happen or someone to call.  I have done a lot of volunteer work,  but end up feeling like I don't belong.  I look for something to get passionate about, but there is nothing.  I have always been an introvert, so it is hard to feel as though I belong, but I really try.  It just isn't working for me.

What has worked for you?

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Hi NOname,

I am sorry that you are experiencing this kind of lonliness. I do not have the same experience but I do understand how it happens for folks. My Daughter died in 2003, when a train hit her car. Erica's Dad and I had been divorced for 9 years, though I was living only 2 blocks away from him. I was married again a few years before she was killed. I have one Son who moved back with his Dad when Eri was killed. He and Eri's Dad died one year ago, cancer. So my Son has suffered so very much. I miss my former husband, we were friends and partners in fighting for justice in Erica's death. I believe he got sick due to his grief.

I am not an introvert, the opposite actually, but I do need more time alone than I used to need. I went to counseling and did not mind paying someone to listen because she was helping me find ways to help myself, helping me find ways to turn my thinking around a bit so that I could really help myself when my worry meter goes up. And it does.Do you feel you had a good therapist?

I think that being an introverted person makes this extra hard. Feeling out of place and not fitting in has more to do with that than perhaps the death of your Sweet Daughter. I might suggest to volunteer again with some sort of time frame in mind, to say that you will do it for a specific amount of time even if you are uncomfortable...you know, like pushing your limits a bit. I may be way off base, if so I apologize. Life is very different, a new life almost when we lose our Children, but it is important then to find ways to live again, to find what it is that makes the day good and go after it. I wish I could help.


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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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