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I feel like its my fault


I miss my Ted

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I miss my Ted

On Friday my husband and I made the decision to have our dog Ted, put to sleep. Ted had been diagnosed with epilepsy and as far as we knew we were controlling it. Our vet didn't really give us enough information and told us that Ted would continue to have seizures and they couldn't be stopped. So at no point did I realise Ted was having too many per month and that the medication was not working properly anymore. We used to take him into the vet everytime he seemed to be worse but the vet always made us feel that we were wasting our time for bringing him in. 

During this month (June) he hadn't had a seizure at all and we thought he was fine and we relaxed. Then Thursday night he had two seizures. He had another two Friday morning and my husband was going to make a vet appointment for Ted. I woke up late that morning and so didn't discover him until 10.30am. He was down the back of our yard, lying on his side and twitching. I carried him up the back steps to the backdoor, called the vet and they sent us to their other surgery. He had 3 seizures before we got to the vet and continued to have seizures under sedation. We took him to the emergency vet and the seizures kept coming. By the time we decided to let him go, he had been having seizures for 15 HOURS. 

BUT part of me still wonders if he would have been fine. If maybe I gave up too soon. This pain is killing me.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your Ted, and for what he had to go through.  You made your decision with his best interest in mind, which is what any loving parent would do.  I applaud you for that.  It is normal to second guess ourselves in grief, it's part of our grief response.  It's almost as if we're trying to find a different ending, but no matter how we go over it in our minds, we can't.  The fact is, your poor little dog had severe seizures and you didn't want him to suffer any more.

We somehow feel we should be able to protect them from anything/everything, just as we feel with our kids, they ARE our kids!  Unfortunately we aren't always able to do that and have to face tough decisions.

My heart goes out to you in your loss. 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

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Dear I_miss_my_Ted,

 

First of all I want to say that I'm sorry about your loss. If I look at your pics it reminds me of my last dog. Your little Ted looks a little bit like him and your story brings back some memories about mine. He had epilepsy too and only got to be one year old. But even in that one year, he had a bigger impact on my life than the previous one (14 years).

 

Only last week I was walking with a new friend. Later on he send me an email. And he told me about his pet (a cat) who had epilepsy. It reminded me about the sheer panic when I saw my pet suffering from an attack. I'll spare you the details ... you KNOW them also, I'm sure.

We tried to control the seizures, but the frequency went up and up. And then we got to a point where we had to make a tough decision. I think that 15 hours of seizures was that point for you. In my opinion you made the right choice. You didn't want to let go of Ted, but that would also mean that the suffering continued. And I don't think that you wanted that.

 

I understand that there are questions, but stop with the 'if's ... it will only make you feel guilty. When I read about how many times you went to the vet and did all within YOUR power, there is no need for those 'if's. There is only so much you can do in those circumstances. Don't get me wrong: of course we do have those questions ... they're part of mourning. But don't dwell on them, because nobody can answer them.

 

I wish I had some comforting words for you, because the speed with which this happened must've been a shock. Especially if your vet didn't give you enough info and you thought you were handling it. But from my experience: I think you did all you could do. It won't make the pain less, but you can stop wondering about 'what if'.

 

.... and I do think that Ted had the greatest 'parents' he could've wished for!

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I miss my Ted

Thank you for the replies. I think there's a certain comfort in having someone else tell you that they would've made the same decision. I just keep struggling with the fact that it ever got to this point. I'm angry at the vets. I'm angry at my husband and I'm angry at myself. I can't stop playing Teds last day, over and over in my head. 

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This is part of grief.  It's hard to let go of the haunting of that last day, those last moments.  It took me years to let go of it when I lost my husband.  We wish for a different outcome but it's not ours to produce.  This is part of the process of grief, part of the learning to accept that what is, is.  Tough.  It doesn't mean it's okay or that we like it, just that we finally acknowledge that it is.  Trying to adjust to such loss is beyond hard, but it's something each of us face as none of us are immune to loss.  Animals, especially, create such a bond with us...

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I miss my Ted

The decision to euthanize him still seems like the wrong one. The emergency vet we had to deal with was so frustrating to talk to. She talked to us like we were children and wouldn't directly answer some questions. I don't know how to accept our decision and move on if there's any doubt about it being the right one.

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Dear I_Miss_My-Ted,

 

KayC is right: all that anger is part of the grieving. And I do understand that you are angry with a good reason. The bedside manners of this emergency vet seem below par. But that doesn't mean she was wrong.

2 hours ago, I miss my Ted said:

I don't know how to accept our decision and move on if there's any doubt about it being the right one.

The best advice I can give you: contact your own vet and tell what has happened. Maybe a conversation can help you get a better understanding of what has happened. He/she has dealt with Ted before and might have good advice for you. You're not alone in this and I'm sure he/she has dealt with these matters before.

 

But I have to warn you: there will always be some doubt. Don't make it harder on yourself by focusing on what could or should have been. It will not help you accept what is!

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