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1 month anniversary of my mother's death


Sweetheart346

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Sweetheart346
Posted

Today is the one month anniversary of my mom's death and I do not want to go through it. I can no longer look at the 21st of every month, the same. I dread each 21st, especially since it is right after her birthday on the 20th of December. I had severe chest pains for two weeks but it went away for one week. Since yesterday, it came back and I feel that it is because of what today is. Trying to eat a healthy diet doesn't help the pain. I don't want the pain to continue but I can't help but feel depressed, so my body just goes ahead with the pain. How can I get through today without losing my mind? I'm in another city so I can't really hang out with friends, plus my socializing level feels pretty low today. Whether it's driving around, walking on the beach or at a park, any activity pretty much triggers me and I get depressed from thinking about my mother and how we used to do those things together. Knowing I can't do it with her anymore, hurts even worse. 

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Posted

Hi, the 21st is a marker for me too. It's 7 months today that I lost my dear mom, my best friend.  It's very hard to process.  Losing my mom has been the most devastating and heartbreaking experience.  It's so new for you, a month in, that it's overwhelming for sure. I am so sorry for your loss. It's intensely painful to lose someone as dear as a mom. I hope you will consider going to the doctor to get the pains you are having checked, it may help you. Also, you may want to consider a grief group for the emotional support you need. A resource is Grief Share at www.griefshare.org.

I know right now it's hard to know what to do. Keep expressing your emotions. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself as best you can. Take this one day at a time, one moment at a time.  

I wish you peace. Know that others care and can relate. 

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Posted

Dear Sweetheart,

Thinking of you. I know its very hard so soon after losing your beloved mom. Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal part of grief. I have the same triggers and its 8 months for me since my dad passed. It sure doesn't make any easier.

Like Whit B said, try and be gentle with yourself. Try and find a few distractions to break up the day. Read, watch a movie, go for a walk, whatever interests you. Let the tears fall when you want.  Even now after coming home from work, I still struggle with the knowledge that my father is gone. How could he be gone?

Take care my friend. Please know you are not alone. We will be here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

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Posted

Hi, I completely understand about the date tracking. I do the same and I have set my alarm at 6:51am.  That's the time my dad took his last breath and everyday at 6:51am I send him a silent prayer.  I miss my father. 

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Posted

For me, it's been 3 months since my mom passed away. And yes, the date will be forever there to mess me up. Try to express your feelings, but do not put so much pressure on the day, don't talk so much about it, when it comes up in your head, try to shift your thought. I think, and I've experienced it for myself, that once we talk about it so many times, think about so often, we only make it worse. It gets imprinted there and it becomes a pattern. Stop thinking about it, do something, anything. I used to consider that people are weak if they find ways to runaway from what is happening in their head. Now, I see that, at least for a short period, this can be a solution. Try to run from it a little bit, until some time passes. And then, when you're stronger, deal with it and try to solve it.

Also, I had the same chest pains. They started once I found that my mom was sick. Doctors couldn't explain them in physical terms, but they also found some "leftovers" from a former cold and said that this could have been the cause. I took some medicine, but at the same time I worked with my spiritual healer to solve the pain and it went away.
Anyways, since finding out about my mom's disease I have experienced a great deal of pains, in different parts of my body, even though tests came out fine. It's normal considering the emotional pain we are going thought. But just to be in the safe side, go to a doctor and do a check up cause your mom wouldn't have wanted you to get sick. I know these are just words, but it is the truth. Cause I know that no mother would want their child to suffer.
Remember that you are not alone and fight to live, to make your mom proud.  

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