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Mrsviden

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I'm here again asking the same old stupid questions. One of my friends from school invited me to this local bar down the road for taco Tuesday, I don't drink so I was pretty hesitant on going, but I decided ah what the heck lets just go get some tacos and leave. Well when we got there these guys walked up to us and bought us shots, so we drank them and of course then they start talking about how one of them is the mayor the rest are narcotic officers. Well the mayor starts hitting on me calling me "baby girl" and all that jazz and I just sat there eating my tacos well then we walked over to play some pool and they followed still talking. We started laughing and popping off sarcastic jokes...& then I went to the bathroom layed my phone down and come back and it's gone one of the guys had put his number in my phone. I decided it was time to get the heck out of there. The whole time I was there I was thinking of Joe and when I got home I felt this huge amount of guilt for going out to a bar something we never did unless we were together and then the thoughts started, am I a bad person for going, am I a bad wife, do I just need to go home and commit suicide because I let my husband down because I went out, does joe hate me, is he never going to send me signs again because of that. All these things going through my mind and I don't know what to do. I mentioned how I was feeling to my friend and she said do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Am I just stupid? 

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Mrsviden, it's not ridiculous at all. You love your husband, that hasn't changed, and that is all there is to it. I wouldn't look much further into it than that. A bunch of guys hitting on you isn't your fault. It's not as if you went out looking for their attention. I'd be inclined to think that you should be able to go out with a friend without having to fend off some aggressive jerks.

I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. Sounds to me like you were only hoping to spend some time out with a friend, and that night out was intruded upon by a group of assholes with little tact and no manners. Not your fault at all.

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7 minutes ago, 4Hdad said:

Mrsviden, it's not ridiculous at all. You love your husband, that hasn't changed, and that is all there is to it. I wouldn't look much further into it than that. A bunch of guys hitting on you isn't your fault. It's not as if you went out looking for their attention. I'd be inclined to think that you should be able to go out with a friend without having to fend off some aggressive jerks.

I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. Sounds to me like you were only hoping to spend some time out with a friend, and that night out was intruded upon by a group of assholes with little tact and no manners. Not your fault at all.

Definitely not one to be into bar scenes, it's just not my thing. I just felt so guilty like I was doing something wrong and I would have to live with the fact my husband hates my guts. This whole grieving thing is hard work, at one point the guy said what's wrong with you and I just said nothing. I didn't want to be in there a slobbering mess, but I also wanted to make it known I wasn't comfortable. I'm an over thinker too so maybe I'm just assuming my husband is mad at me

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I completely understand. The guy sounds like a real jerk who can't take a hint.

Last night I went out with an old friend and my sister. We went to see a band that I love, one that my wife did not really enjoy, but one I may never get the chance to see perform again. This was probably the first social outing that I've been on (other than taking my kids to the movies or out to dinner) since that morning last August when I found my wife.

At the end of the evening, I was glad that I went. I love this band; they played a bunch of great stuff, and they are really charismatic and funny on stage. I think I really needed something like that to give me a little hope that there will still be good things ahead. I've all but convinced myself that the world just sucks, and the only things of value it has left are reserved for other people. I don't know if it will stick, but at least for a short while I believed that there is something left for me, too.

At some point, I think I'm going to have to come to grips with the fact that the world won't stop turning just because I want off. There is more out there for me besides the kids and the horses. I'll never stop loving my wife, but I'm coming around to the idea that I also don't want to be the absolutely miserable person that I've been since that day. I've gone through every day putting on a face so people won't see me or treat me any different, but on the inside, I've been done with this world for a while now. Maybe it's time for me to change. I don't know if I can, and I don't know if I'll get it right or botch it up, but I think I need to try.

For what it's worth, I don't see how you did anything wrong at all. I'd be inclined to think my wife would want me to find some measure of happiness instead of spending the rest of my life hating the world. I hope you're able to find some of those moments of happiness, Mrsviden. We both know the sadness will still be there. Like a tide, it comes on strong and then it ebbs. I think it's healthy to recognize and accept it when it comes, but maybe equally healthy to recognize those moments in-between, and take some comfort in them when we can.

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Mrsviden --

I don't think you sound ridiculous nor are you stupid - not in the least.   I had a similar situation. My daughter has a girlfriend who is a singer (a pretty good one at that) and is in a band that performs at different venues.  She also was gracious to sing at my Charles' services and everyone commented on her beautiful voice.  Anyway my daughter asked if I would like to support her at one of her gigs and reluctantly I agreed.   It was really nice; they played songs Charles and I used to dance to when we went out on the town.   It was bittersweet; the music was "our" music that I hadn't heard in quite sometime, but not having him there to share it with me, brought tears to my eyes.   I didn't want to spoil my daughter's evening, so did a pretty good job hiding my tears.  When the night was nearly over, one of the musicians of the band came over to our table to thank us for coming.  When my daughter introduced me as her mom, he said,, "Wow, your mom is fine, I wish she would give me her number".  I was shocked - How dare this total stranger come to me like that?  Who the hell did he think he was; or better yet, who the hell did he think I was?   Without saying another word, I got up to leave - and then the fool ask if he'd see me again.  Talk about balls?  I left without saying a word to him.

When I got back home, I too felt guilty, and angry.  Guilty because I went out to enjoy myself without my Charles and angry because I went.  I think when you lose someone as dear to us as our husbands, you feel guilty about a lot of things.  Guilt is a normal response to the perception that we've somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that we've done something wrong.  It generates a jumbled mixture of feelings including doubt, shame, insecurity, and failure.  

You are neither a bad wife or a bad person - you're a human being who suffered a tremendous loss with all kinds of emotions going through your mind.  i don't think your Joe or my Charles would want us to live in total despair; they both would want us to live our lives to the fullest, because it only happens once; for today is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again.

Stay strong and Be Bless.

 

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Mrsviden, 4Hdad and Francine said it all so well. You are NOT stupid or ridiculous. You started out with an innocent time with a friend for a meal. It got ruined by some jerks. Gentlemen would have taken the time for talking and getting to know you and seeing to a pleasant experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting out for a meal or a concert or anything else. I believe our spouses want us to enjoy this life, to keep on living for ourselves and for them. Yes, it is hard. But, I believe if we were the ones in Heaven, we would want the same for them. To keep them in our hearts, go on with life as we are meant to. We will all be together again someday.

Actually, what bothers me the most is that jerk who picked up your phone, which I consider private property, and added his number in it. Call me old fashioned, I have no idea what the dating or socializing protocols are these days, but I would have been letting him have it for touching my property.  (HUGS)

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2 hours ago, 4Hdad said:

I completely understand. The guy sounds like a real jerk who can't take a hint.

Last night I went out with an old friend and my sister. We went to see a band that I love, one that my wife did not really enjoy, but one I may never get the chance to see perform again. This was probably the first social outing that I've been on (other than taking my kids to the movies or out to dinner) since that morning last August when I found my wife.

At the end of the evening, I was glad that I went. I love this band; they played a bunch of great stuff, and they are really charismatic and funny on stage. I think I really needed something like that to give me a little hope that there will still be good things ahead. I've all but convinced myself that the world just sucks, and the only things of value it has left are reserved for other people. I don't know if it will stick, but at least for a short while I believed that there is something left for me, too.

At some point, I think I'm going to have to come to grips with the fact that the world won't stop turning just because I want off. There is more out there for me besides the kids and the horses. I'll never stop loving my wife, but I'm coming around to the idea that I also don't want to be the absolutely miserable person that I've been since that day. I've gone through every day putting on a face so people won't see me or treat me any different, but on the inside, I've been done with this world for a while now. Maybe it's time for me to change. I don't know if I can, and I don't know if I'll get it right or botch it up, but I think I need to try.

For what it's worth, I don't see how you did anything wrong at all. I'd be inclined to think my wife would want me to find some measure of happiness instead of spending the rest of my life hating the world. I hope you're able to find some of those moments of happiness, Mrsviden. We both know the sadness will still be there. Like a tide, it comes on strong and then it ebbs. I think it's healthy to recognize and accept it when it comes, but maybe equally healthy to recognize those moments in-between, and take some comfort in them when we can.

Your post really speaks to me. It doesn't seem fair how the world keeps on turning when it feels our world has stopped. It's not fair that we have so much that overwhelms our mind that we feel like we are going to forget. I'll always love my husband, I met him when I was 10 years old, and we have been in love since We were 12. This morning I had that same feeling of, I can't do this anymore feeling as if I've done something wrong and to make my husband hate me. (I know it's sounds dumb) I had made up my mind that I was going to come home and end it all simply because I thought I did something wrong by going out with a friend. I miss him with every ounce of my being and I just can't believe he is gone, and everyday I put on that fake smile and act as if I'm not falling apart and on the inside my heart is absolutely broken. 

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2 hours ago, Francine said:

 

Mrsviden --

I don't think you sound ridiculous nor are you stupid - not in the least.   I had a similar situation. My daughter has a girlfriend who is a singer (a pretty good one at that) and is in a band that performs at different venues.  She also was gracious to sing at my Charles' services and everyone commented on her beautiful voice.  Anyway my daughter asked if I would like to support her at one of her gigs and reluctantly I agreed.   It was really nice; they played songs Charles and I used to dance to when we went out on the town.   It was bittersweet; the music was "our" music that I hadn't heard in quite sometime, but not having him there to share it with me, brought tears to my eyes.   I didn't want to spoil my daughter's evening, so did a pretty good job hiding my tears.  When the night was nearly over, one of the musicians of the band came over to our table to thank us for coming.  When my daughter introduced me as her mom, he said,, "Wow, your mom is fine, I wish she would give me her number".  I was shocked - How dare this total stranger come to me like that?  Who the hell did he think he was; or better yet, who the hell did he think I was?   Without saying another word, I got up to leave - and then the fool ask if he'd see me again.  Talk about balls?  I left without saying a word to him.

When I got back home, I too felt guilty, and angry.  Guilty because I went out to enjoy myself without my Charles and angry because I went.  I think when you lose someone as dear to us as our husbands, you feel guilty about a lot of things.  Guilt is a normal response to the perception that we've somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that we've done something wrong.  It generates a jumbled mixture of feelings including doubt, shame, insecurity, and failure.  

You are neither a bad wife or a bad person - you're a human being who suffered a tremendous loss with all kinds of emotions going through your mind.  i don't think your Joe or my Charles would want us to live in total despair; they both would want us to live our lives to the fullest, because it only happens once; for today is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again.

Stay strong and Be Bless.

 

Wow I am sorry such a thing was said to you, regardless on him complementing your beauty he went about it the wrong way and just like the guy that told me by the end of the night we just might get married, they don't know what we are going through and about the loss we have suffered. I'm glad you can relate to the guilt that comes with going out without our husbands. I just felt like oh crap Joe is at home and I need to go tell him all about this jerk. But instead I went home and he wasn't there, and I had to feel completely awful about it. That feeling carried on into the next day (today) and it's tearing me apart. 

I think the part that bothered me the most of all was the fact he later saw I had my wedding rings on and he said I don't give a da** about those rings. 

Needless to say I will never go out to a bar again. On another note I see where today is national widow day, what a crappy day to relate to..

peace and love to all

mrsviden

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1 hour ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden, 4Hdad and Francine said it all so well. You are NOT stupid or ridiculous. You started out with an innocent time with a friend for a meal. It got ruined by some jerks. Gentlemen would have taken the time for talking and getting to know you and seeing to a pleasant experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting out for a meal or a concert or anything else. I believe our spouses want us to enjoy this life, to keep on living for ourselves and for them. Yes, it is hard. But, I believe if we were the ones in Heaven, we would want the same for them. To keep them in our hearts, go on with life as we are meant to. We will all be together again someday.

Actually, what bothers me the most is that jerk who picked up your phone, which I consider private property, and added his number in it. Call me old fashioned, I have no idea what the dating or socializing protocols are these days, but I would have been letting him have it for touching my property.  (HUGS)

I hadn't even know he touched it until when I came back and was digging through my purse and couldn't find my phone. Yes, I said my purse! I didn't take it with me because my friend said she was watching it. Bad mistake I know! But he got in my purse took my phone and put it on top of his, when he went through my phone he had to see my background is me kissing my husbands cheek and him in our boat. When I stopped participating in the conversation he told me to look at him when he was talking to me and that he's always in control. Excuse my language but oh hell to the no you don't. 

But on another note I see what you mean when they wouldn't want us to live in despair for the rest of our lives, but it's still so very overwhelming. 

Peace, love, and hugs to you 

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I am very sorry that Mrsviden and Francine encountered these people.  I cannot imagine any friend of mine acting that way (other than a very few, decades ago in college before they turned 20) and I am certain no widower on this group would exhibit that behavior.

We all occupy a strange position. We feel married in our hearts and minds and yet the world sees us as single. And depending upon our age, it can be very hard to find other widows and widowers as friends. 

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14 minutes ago, AceBasin said:

I am very sorry that Mrsviden and Francine encountered these people.  I cannot imagine any friend of mine acting that way (other than a very few, decades ago in college before they turned 20) and I am certain no widower on this group would exhibit that behavior.

We all occupy a strange position. We feel married in our hearts and minds and yet the world sees us as single. And depending upon our age, it can be very hard to find other widows and widowers as friends. 

My grandma referred to me as a single woman and I have never felt so hurt, how dare she not acknowledge the fact that my marriage between my husband and I meant so much to me and just because he's not here doesn't mean I'm single. I will forever consider myself married. 

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9 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

Yes, I said my purse! I didn't take it with me because my friend said she was watching it. Bad mistake I know! But he got in my purse took my phone and put it on top of his, when he went through my phone he had to see my background is me kissing my husbands cheek and him in our boat. When I stopped participating in the conversation he told me to look at him when he was talking to me and that he's always in control. Excuse my language but oh hell to the no you don't. 

WHAT?  He went in your purse? He told you to look at him?   He lost his damn mind.  Talk about *NUTS*.   Stay away from *nuts*, the only animal that tries to hold on to them are squirrels  - I don't know the type of women he is accustomed to, but you're no squirrel.

 

8 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

My grandma referred to me as a single woman and I have never felt so hurt, how dare she not acknowledge the fact that my marriage between my husband and I meant so much to me and just because he's not here doesn't mean I'm single. I will forever consider myself married. 

On a softer note (and getting my mind off your *nut* encounter :angry:) I too don't consider myself as single.  A friend of mine called me a widower; and I told her I didn't consider myself as one and I would appreciate she not refer to me as one either.  I consider myself a married woman and always will.  On some papers that needed my signature, it asked for my marital status - and as I always did, I check  the *married* box. 

 

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4 hours ago, Francine said:

WHAT?  He went in your purse? He told you to look at him?   He lost his damn mind.  Talk about *NUTS*.   Stay away from *nuts*, the only animal that tries to hold on to them are squirrels  - I don't know the type of women he is accustomed to, but you're no squirrel.

 

On a softer note (and getting my mind off your *nut* encounter :angry:) I too don't consider myself as single.  A friend of mine called me a widower; and I told her I didn't consider myself as one and I would appreciate she not refer to me as one either.  I consider myself a married woman and always will.  On some papers that needed my signature, it asked for my marital status - and as I always did, I check  the *married* box. 

 

 He told me to look at him when he speaking to me and that he is always in control I did not find out he went into my purse  until we got home and then I asked why my friend wouldn't say anything. Very crazy to have gone through that and I want nothing more than to tell my husband do he would go kick his butt. But then again if my husband had been there it wouldn't have happened in the first place. God I just miss him so much 

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44 minutes ago, Mrsviden said:

He told me to look at him when he speaking to me and that he is always in control

He sounds like the type that will belittle women so that he can build himself up - creep.  Anyone in their right mind wouldn't give him the time of day.  I am so sorry that you had to endure that *nut case*.   It pisses me off when *fools* think they can say and do anything they want.  Like you said, if your Joe was here, it never would have happened; same here, with my Charles.   I know the missing him feeling - my mind has not really accepted the fact that he's truly gone; maybe because when he was here, he was always in my heart and still is.   Stay Strong.

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Mrsviden,

When we go through loss, it's part of the grief that makes us panic or stress or overreact, it's like we can't see things clearly, our brain is in a fog and we're emotionally very vulnerable and distraught, so it's no wonder you're feeling like you are.  No you aren't a bad wife, and please don't even think the S (suicide) word!  

I'm sorry for you and for Francine's experience.  The guy sounds like a nut case, someone to stay away from!  Stuff like this only serves to make us miss our husbands all the more!

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Guys like this piece of debris give the rest of us a really bad image. Always has to be that one &$%# that just HAS to portray every single stereotype of egotistical, chest thumping, macho "Gods gift to women", Neanderthal slime. I can't in a million years imagine even thinking the things this guy was doing, pathetic wretch. He doesn't represent US, we aren't all knuckle dragging nitwits.

People seeing us as "single" is something I've wondered about. I haven't personally encountered that assumption, at least no one has said it to me. The thing they fail to consider is that the only reason we can even be thought of that way is because someone has to DIE! Do they not stop and think about that? How heartless and unthinking that is? When someone's parent passes away, we don't think of them as motherless. They still have a mom, so why do widows/widowers get such a different reaction? Society puts these very unfair and unreasonable expectations on the bereaved, especially when considering age or perhaps gender. Why? Why is an elderly person expected to never want a companion and a "young" person is presumed to be looking for love within a specific time frame? This is utter nonsense. Who the h$ll is anyone to think they (those with no understanding of our reality) have any idea on how we're "supposed" to live? Do not presume to ever tell us what we are or aren't supposed to feel, to want, to need, to love or hate, to expect or dismiss. 

I will always be married to my WIFE. We didn't divorce, separate, take a break from one another, fall out of love, or live some sort of split life from one another. We were, are, and will be, in love with each other. Regardless of what this so called life has in store for me, whatever or whoever may come into this life, the truth is that I will always be faithful to the only woman I truly ever loved, my heart belongs to her. My wife passed away, she's not physically with me, but as we all know, love is so much more than the physical. It transcends the material, it's an undying energy that can't simply be turned off or replaced. Yes, December 31st I was married, and January 1st I was married, and today I'm married as I will next year until the end of all things. I know the vow says "till death do us part", and yes, the flesh has parted, but the spirit? Never. 

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5 hours ago, Francine said:

 

He sounds like the type that will belittle women so that he can build himself up - creep.  Anyone in their right mind wouldn't give him the time of day.  I am so sorry that you had to endure that *nut case*.   It pisses me off when *fools* think they can say and do anything they want.  Like you said, if your Joe was here, it never would have happened; same here, with my Charles.   I know the missing him feeling - my mind has not really accepted the fact that he's truly gone; maybe because when he was here, he was always in my heart and still is.   Stay Strong.

Stay strong too my friend, I hope you are doing ok. And thank you again for understanding my pain...

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1 hour ago, Andy said:

Guys like this piece of debris give the rest of us a really bad image. Always has to be that one &$%# that just HAS to portray every single stereotype of egotistical, chest thumping, macho "Gods gift to women", Neanderthal slime. I can't in a million years imagine even thinking the things this guy was doing, pathetic wretch. He doesn't represent US, we aren't all knuckle dragging nitwits.

People seeing us as "single" is something I've wondered about. I haven't personally encountered that assumption, at least no one has said it to me. The thing they fail to consider is that the only reason we can even be thought of that way is because someone has to DIE! Do they not stop and think about that? How heartless and unthinking that is? When someone's parent passes away, we don't think of them as motherless. They still have a mom, so why do widows/widowers get such a different reaction? Society puts these very unfair and unreasonable expectations on the bereaved, especially when considering age or perhaps gender. Why? Why is an elderly person expected to never want a companion and a "young" person is presumed to be looking for love within a specific time frame? This is utter nonsense. Who the h$ll is anyone to think they (those with no understanding of our reality) have any idea on how we're "supposed" to live? Do not presume to ever tell us what we are or aren't supposed to feel, to want, to need, to love or hate, to expect or dismiss. 

I will always be married to my WIFE. We didn't divorce, separate, take a break from one another, fall out of love, or live some sort of split life from one another. We were, are, and will be, in love with each other. Regardless of what this so called life has in store for me, whatever or whoever may come into this life, the truth is that I will always be faithful to the only woman I truly ever loved, my heart belongs to her. My wife passed away, she's not physically with me, but as we all know, love is so much more than the physical. It transcends the material, it's an undying energy that can't simply be turned off or replaced. Yes, December 31st I was married, and January 1st I was married, and today I'm married as I will next year until the end of all things. I know the vow says "till death do us part", and yes, the flesh has parted, but the spirit? Never. 

That has bothered me from the very day my husband passed away and someone said aw don't you worry you're a pretty girl, you'll find someone and they'll love you more than joe did. THE SAME DAY OF HIS PASSING! People never cease to blow my mind. 

My husband and I both told each other that if something happened to either one we didn't want to be with anyone else. I gave my heart away when I was 11 years old and I have never wanted it back, it was his to keep. Like that scripture "whatever our souls are made of, his and i's are the same. I too did not divorce my husband, say I needed a break, separate, mine got taken from me! So no I am not single and I really don't like being called a widow. This was not my choice! 

Widows get the sh** end of the stick, we always get judged on how we are supposed to handle it. I saw a post on a grieving site and it was something our spouses would say and it was titled "miss me, but let me go" I do not believe my husband would ever want me to let him go nor would I ever do such a thing. I keep telling myself he is on the other side waiting for me. I can't count how many times I've been told how I should do something or how I should move on. 

Theres no one in this world like Joe V. That's who I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. 

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Mrsviden, these are just a few practical matters to consider: if you have not password protected your phone, do so. I would also  scan it for malware. I would also check your purse to make sure that everything that was supposed to be there is still there (drivers license, insurance cards) and that nothing that is not supposed to be there is in it. If you had credit cards in your purse I would keep an eye on the statements.

in many states, impersonating an elected official or a law enforcement officer is a crime. Specifically, I have never known a narcotics officer to announce that status except in very secure settings. Going through a woman's purse is not normal behavior for a man.

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2 hours ago, Andy said:

Guys like this piece of debris give the rest of us a really bad image. Always has to be that one &$%# that just HAS to portray every single stereotype of egotistical, chest thumping, macho "Gods gift to women", Neanderthal slime. I can't in a million years imagine even thinking the things this guy was doing, pathetic wretch. He doesn't represent US, we aren't all knuckle dragging nitwits.

I will always be married to my WIFE. We didn't divorce, separate, take a break from one another, fall out of love, or live some sort of split life from one another. We were, are, and will be, in love with each other. Regardless of what this so called life has in store for me, whatever or whoever may come into this life, the truth is that I will always be faithful to the only woman I truly ever loved, my heart belongs to her. My wife passed away, she's not physically with me, but as we all know, love is so much more than the physical. It transcends the material, it's an undying energy that can't simply be turned off or replaced. Yes, December 31st I was married, and January 1st I was married, and today I'm married as I will next year until the end of all things. I know the vow says "till death do us part", and yes, the flesh has parted, but the spirit? Never. 

Andy  -- you're so right - not all men are a _ _ holds; only the a_ _ holds :D.  And I don't and would never group all men in that category.   There are many wonderful men out there - start with yourself with the lovely last paragraph you wrote.  Simply beautiful and my sentiments exactly.  I'll always be Charles' wife/significant other; as I imagined KayC will be George's; as KMB will be ED's; as HHFaith will be Pat's; as Mrsviden will be Joe's. Those were good men - I didn't know them personally, but just reading the post from their strong women who loved them unconditionally; they had to be. 

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Yes Francine, all of them good men. Great men really. It makes me ask that question that everyone asks, why are the good ones always taken from this earth?  And why too soon?  

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I have been reading these posts and I agree with all of you. It is devastating enough that we lost our soulmates, the adjusting, adapting to a different life is needed. But dealing with unwanted, negative words or actions from other humans is deplorable. My only answer is for us to pray for these people that God will show them wisdom to mend their ways.

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Speaking on behalf of all the husbands, please socialize and have fun but as Sergeant Phil Esterhaus used to say:  "Hey, let's be careful out there,"

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5 hours ago, Andy said:

People seeing us as "single" is something I've wondered about.

If people ask us we can always say "My legal status may be single but my heart is married."

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3 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

That has bothered me from the very day my husband passed away and someone said aw don't you worry you're a pretty girl, you'll find someone and they'll love you more than joe did. THE SAME DAY OF HIS PASSING! People never cease to blow my mind. 

Unfriggin'believable!  Yep, they blow my mind too.  :wacko:

3 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

My husband and I both told each other that if something happened to either one we didn't want to be with anyone else. I gave my heart away when I was 11 years old and I have never wanted it back, it was his to keep. Like that scripture "whatever our souls are made of, his and i's are the same. I too did not divorce my husband, say I needed a break, separate, mine got taken from me! So no I am not single and I really don't like being called a widow. This was not my choice!   

I saw a post on a grieving site and it was something our spouses would say and it was titled "miss me, but let me go" I do not believe my husband would ever want me to let him go nor would I ever do such a thing. I keep telling myself he is on the other side waiting for me.

I, too, don't like it when grief books, etc. tell you to "let them go".  WTH!  I wonder who writes this stuff!  Someone married?  Someone whose spouse died and they let them go right off the bat like they were of no significance?  I realize our life has changed but we didn't ask for this. We still love and want them!

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3 hours ago, AceBasin said:

Mrsviden, these are just a few practical matters to consider: if you have not password protected your phone, do so. I would also  scan it for malware. I would also check your purse to make sure that everything that was supposed to be there is still there (drivers license, insurance cards) and that nothing that is not supposed to be there is in it. If you had credit cards in your purse I would keep an eye on the statements.

in many states, impersonating an elected official or a law enforcement officer is a crime. Specifically, I have never known a narcotics officer to announce that status except in very secure settings. Going through a woman's purse is not normal behavior for a man.

Very sketchy and he kept asking if I believed him or not and I straight up said I don't care what you're worth, how much you spend in here weekly or what you own. Everything that was supposed to be in there was and no credit cards were missing. And I just don't do the password because I've never had any reason to. How do I check for malware.

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33 minutes ago, KayC said:

 

I, too, don't like it when grief books, etc. tell you to "let them go".  WTH!  I wonder who writes this stuff!  Someone married?  Someone whose spouse died and they let them go right off the bat like they were of no significance?  I realize our life has changed but we didn't ask for this. We still love and want them!

I wouldn't doubt it if that's who wrote them are happily married people who think they've got our problems figured out. I will love my husband and be in love with him forever not just temporary 

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AVG and Kaspersky both have good free apps for scanning. The clods don't sound too smart but they could have taken photos of your cards or license. 

Our local police just arrested an uber driver who said he was a U S Marshal and could run red lights. The passengers texted police from the car. They seem to arrest a few imposters a month.

Password protection depends on what you have on your phone. Mine is passcode and fingerprint secured.

You probably want to subscribe to a monitoring service such as Experian or Lifelock anyway.

it does not sound likely but cons often distract you while they are doing something else.

it was probably just a bad experience but I have seen enough of these that have caused issues.

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10 hours ago, KayC said:

Unfriggin'believable!  Yep, they blow my mind too.  :wacko:

I, too, don't like it when grief books, etc. tell you to "let them go".  WTH!  I wonder who writes this stuff!  Someone married?  Someone whose spouse died and they let them go right off the bat like they were of no significance?  I realize our life has changed but we didn't ask for this. We still love and want them!

Let them go. Asinine to the extreme. Do they advise that same solution for those who've lost a child, I wonder? Doubtful. 

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I had identity theft about nine years ago by a white supremacist and have subscribed to Experian ever since.  It's a small price for some piece of mind.  I keep close eye on my bank accounts and anything of security significance.  Regularly change passwords. I've had good luck with AVG.

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