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Fiancés given up on me


milly

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So my brother suddenly passed away nearly 5 years ago aged 27 and I feel like I've been through hell and back. At times I feel like I can cope and that I can just bottle things up and try and get on with things..and then these the dark times that I really struggle and feel like I can't cope. So at the weekend I had one of these dark times. My fiancé and I were supposed to get married next year but after 11 years of being together he has suddenly given up on me. He hasn't spoke to me in 3 days, even though we live together and won't sit in the same room as me. He tells me he doesn't know what he wants anymore and that he's hit a brick wall. I feel like he's punishing me because I'm grieving. I feel as if he's pushing me away.

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milly, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. The grieving process is a long, tough journey. Has your fiance been supportive and patient with your loss? Have you been seeking coping help from a professional grief counselor? Do you have other family members that are supportive? I don't feel that your fiance is not punishing you. Maybe he feels a sense of neglect, hopelessness due to your grieving being front and center. My intent is not in telling you how to grieve but 5 years is a long time to not being able to put your brother's passing into a healthier perspective. I feel your brother is at peace and is sending you love and strength in continuing the life you still have in front of you. He would want to see you happy and obviously your fiance has loved you for a long time. Maybe, unconsciously, you are pushing him away, out of a subconscious fear that he might pass away also? I know that sounds rude and callous but maybe a grief counselor can help you look at things from an unbiased point of view. I wish you well.

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