Members Ashleyash Posted April 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2017 Hi, This is my first time posting here. I lost my husband in February to alcoholism. My husband wasn't doing well for a while, so his death wasn't unexpected. The type of lifestyle he led, he could have died soon or 20 years from now. I am grateful that he is out of pain and isn't suffering and I am glad alcohol doesn't have any control over him now. But I am heartbroken. I feel sad, guilty, and empty. I wish things could have been different and am struggling with all this. I hope to get to know all of you here. Thanks for listening. Ashley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members M88 Posted April 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2017 Hi Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. We here on the Indigo forum understand your pain and heartache. Nothing or no-one could ever possibly prepare us for the devastation we feel when we lose our other half. I hope you will find the comfort and understanding here, that I have. Know you are in my thoughts. Sending strength and hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Meesh Posted April 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2017 Ashleyash, i am so sorry for your loss its so cruel having to live life without them, sorry he had alcoholism, its a cruel addiction, keep posting its a great help knowing that we all know what each other is going through, try not to be too hard on yourself with the guilt, i bet all of us on this site have guilt for all different reasons, we shouldnt have but we do, its just a negative emotion, im 5 months into my grief now and i find work and keeping myself busy helps, and taking a day at a time, try not to worry about the past or the future just concentrate on getting through the day best way you can, take care of yourself x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted April 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2017 Ashleyash, Welcome to the club no one wishes to be a member of, but we are. We all need a place where we can express ourselves freely, share stories and grieve. So hard to find that support even with family and friends. If they have not experienced the loss of a spouse, they don't *get it* .I am sorry for your loss. i was raised by an alcoholic mother, so I can relate to what you had to endure. It is the saddest when a person allows an addiction to have the control. We all carry the burden of guilt or regrets when we lose someone. Must be part of the grieving process. We feel such a sense of responsibility for those we love. We wish we could have saved them. We are only human though. We alone cannot stop a person from whatever they choose with addictions, be it alcohol or drugs. it's a sickness that takes the body and the mind.I know this is hard and painful for you. Please release the burden of guilt. It is not needed. Your husband would not wish for you to carry a burden that was his. We are here for you. We know your pain, your heartbreak, loneliness and empty void.We lost our spouse, our life and ourselves. We have a long road ahead of us but you will make it, one day at a time. Prayers and hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 23, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hi Ashley, I recognize you from the other site, I'm at both places too. This site is minus the grief counselor, Marty, and all the help she provides, but it seems to get more traffic. There's some good people here that are welcoming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted April 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 23, 2017 On 4/22/2017 at 1:50 AM, Ashleyash said: Hi, This is my first time posting here. I lost my husband in February to alcoholism. My husband wasn't doing well for a while, so his death wasn't unexpected. The type of lifestyle he led, he could have died soon or 20 years from now. I am grateful that he is out of pain and isn't suffering and I am glad alcohol doesn't have any control over him now. But I am heartbroken. I feel sad, guilty, and empty. I wish things could have been different and am struggling with all this. I hope to get to know all of you here. Thanks for listening. Ashley I'm so sorry for your loss and I truly know the pain you're experiencing. Addiction and death are two of the most difficult and challenging human experiences there are. Yet, when the end does finally come, the death of a partner as a result of addiction can feel like the inevitable final chapter of a very long, very sad book: so much still left unwritten, unsaid and unheard that it haunts your sleep and steals your joy. Addiction is a disease that makes you too selfish to see the havoc you create and not care about the people you shattered. It is a disease where the locks are on the inside; a family disease; while one person may abuse it, the entire family suffers. Addiction is one of the hardest diseases to overcome and I am sorry your husband didn't have the strength to conquer it. I've been there and still am with being heartbroken; sad, guilty and empty; it goes with the territory. I'm learning the hardest part of losing my Charles isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without him. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside my heart when he left. The love we shared with our husbands will always be. Nothing can ever take that away. Love, we all know, is a force of nature that is bigger than anything — an energy that moves through us all. It is a connection shared with another. It is the light within us. It is our heart connection. And it never dies. No matter how much our pain may trick us into thinking we want to, we cannot control, demand or dissipate love any more than we can control the sun rising each morning. Love lives on in our hearts, memories and stories and especially in our connections to those loved ones who have passed. I hope you continue to post - we are all on this forum at this date for a reason - to uplift one another - definitely; but more than that - we learn something from everyone who passes through our lives....some lessons are painful; others are painless; but all are priceless. May God comfort you in this most difficult period. Know that you're never alone. God is with you holding you, comforting you and most of all, loving you no matter what. Be strong and know that you are going to be OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ashleyash Posted April 23, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 23, 2017 On 4/22/2017 at 5:19 AM, M88 said: Hi Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. We here on the Indigo forum understand your pain and heartache. Nothing or no-one could ever possibly prepare us for the devastation we feel when we lose our other half. I hope you will find the comfort and understanding here, that I have. Know you are in my thoughts. Sending strength and hugs. Thank you so much. You are so right that noting or no-one could prepare us for what we are feeling now. I thought I was ready since my husband had been in and out of the hospital, but now I realize, I really wasn't. I am so sorry for your loss too. Thank you for your compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ashleyash Posted April 23, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 23, 2017 On 4/22/2017 at 5:22 AM, Meesh said: Ashleyash, i am so sorry for your loss its so cruel having to live life without them, sorry he had alcoholism, its a cruel addiction, keep posting its a great help knowing that we all know what each other is going through, try not to be too hard on yourself with the guilt, i bet all of us on this site have guilt for all different reasons, we shouldnt have but we do, its just a negative emotion, im 5 months into my grief now and i find work and keeping myself busy helps, and taking a day at a time, try not to worry about the past or the future just concentrate on getting through the day best way you can, take care of yourself x Thank you for the great advice, I am really sorry for your loss also. Staying busy helps me too, it's when I have free time, I start thinking about the past and it becomes so painful. I will try to focus on the present. Praying for peace and comfort for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ashleyash Posted April 24, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 On 4/22/2017 at 10:49 AM, KMB said: Ashleyash, Welcome to the club no one wishes to be a member of, but we are. We all need a place where we can express ourselves freely, share stories and grieve. So hard to find that support even with family and friends. If they have not experienced the loss of a spouse, they don't *get it* .I am sorry for your loss. i was raised by an alcoholic mother, so I can relate to what you had to endure. It is the saddest when a person allows an addiction to have the control. We all carry the burden of guilt or regrets when we lose someone. Must be part of the grieving process. We feel such a sense of responsibility for those we love. We wish we could have saved them. We are only human though. We alone cannot stop a person from whatever they choose with addictions, be it alcohol or drugs. it's a sickness that takes the body and the mind.I know this is hard and painful for you. Please release the burden of guilt. It is not needed. Your husband would not wish for you to carry a burden that was his. We are here for you. We know your pain, your heartbreak, loneliness and empty void.We lost our spouse, our life and ourselves. We have a long road ahead of us but you will make it, one day at a time. Prayers and hugs. Thank you so much for your compassion. I am so sorry for your loss also. Addiction sucks and I am sorry you had to go through it at such a young age with your mother. I am really glad my husband isn't controlled by alcohol anymore and he is with God and he is at peace. The thing I wanted most for my husband was sobriety and he wasn't able to find it on earth but he has it now with God. I will be praying for peace and comfort for you also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ashleyash Posted April 24, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 36 minutes ago, Francine said: I'm so sorry for your loss and I truly know the pain you're experiencing. Addiction and death are two of the most difficult and challenging human experiences there are. Yet, when the end does finally come, the death of a partner as a result of addiction can feel like the inevitable final chapter of a very long, very sad book: so much still left unwritten, unsaid and unheard that it haunts your sleep and steals your joy. Addiction is a disease that makes you too selfish to see the havoc you create and not care about the people you shattered. It is a disease where the locks are on the inside; a family disease; while one person may abuse it, the entire family suffers. Addiction is one of the hardest diseases to overcome and I am sorry your husband didn't have the strength to conquer it. I've been there and still am with being heartbroken; sad, guilty and empty; it goes with the territory. I'm learning the hardest part of losing my Charles isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without him. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside my heart when he left. The love we shared with our husbands will always be. Nothing can ever take that away. Love, we all know, is a force of nature that is bigger than anything — an energy that moves through us all. It is a connection shared with another. It is the light within us. It is our heart connection. And it never dies. No matter how much our pain may trick us into thinking we want to, we cannot control, demand or dissipate love any more than we can control the sun rising each morning. Love lives on in our hearts, memories and stories and especially in our connections to those loved ones who have passed. I hope you continue to post - we are all on this forum at this date for a reason - to uplift one another - definitely; but more than that - we learn something from everyone who passes through our lives....some lessons are painful; others are painless; but all are priceless. May God comfort you in this most difficult period. Know that you're never alone. God is with you holding you, comforting you and most of all, loving you no matter what. Be strong and know that you are going to be OK. Thanks, Francine for your kind and comforting words. I am very sorry for your loss also. My husband had a very hard time with his addiction, I am just glad he is out of his misery. You are right, love is eternal and it exists in our hearts and the passing of our loved one doesn't erase that. Thank you once again for your support and compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ashleyash Posted April 24, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 9 hours ago, KayC said: Hi Ashley, I recognize you from the other site, I'm at both places too. This site is minus the grief counselor, Marty, and all the help she provides, but it seems to get more traffic. There's some good people here that are welcoming! Hi Kay, Thanks for the welcome, I look forward to posting with all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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