6 days ago

[bjc230]

6 days ago I lost my husband. He had cardiac arrest. He was sitting on the edge of the bed I was talking to him and then there was a loud thud. I got up shook him no response. I called 911 they wanted me to do cpr I couldn't get him over he was between the bed and the dresser. The quilt I carry because I simply couldn't roll him over. He needed my help and I couldn't help him and he died and I just know it's because of that. Ambulance came it took 3 firefighters to pull him out into the living room. I swear he asked what was going on. I miss him so much and not sure what to do next. 

[KayC]

bjc,

I am so sorry, that is the worst experience one can go through.  There is no way you can know he would have made it had you been able to roll him over though.  Guilt is a very common grief response.  it's based on emotion, though, not fact.  If it took 3 firefighters to pull him out, how do you expect you should have been able to do it?

I think these links/articles are good and hope they are of help to you:
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html

and this one has a lot of links at the bottom of the article that you might find some helpful:

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html

You have found a place that has a lot of caring people who have "been there" and understand.  It helps to go through it together and know there is someone out here that "gets it" and understands.  I hope you will continue to come here and read and post.

[KMB]

bjc230----- There are no adequate words but I will say that I am sorry for your loss of your beloved husband. Mine also passed of sudden cardiac arrest. Nothing could be done to save him. When you feel the emotions of guilt and blame, which is normal, just try to shut your mind down to them. It will be hard to do, trust me, because I know myself. My husband had health issues that led to his passing. I've learned to look at his passing from a different perspective based on his health. I've learned not to look at his passing as something I could have saved him from. I wish I could have though, but I am only human.

I hope you have supportive help from family and friends. I hope they stand by you in the following weeks, months.

Take care of yourself the best you can. Please keep posting when you feel the need. All of us here know what loss is and we'll do our best to stand by you.

[Francine]

 

bjc230

I'm so sorry for your loss; my husband also died from cardiac arrest.  My Charles was given CPR, and just the day before, had visited the hospital and everything had checked out OK.   In less than 24 hours, he was gone - I still find it hard to believe and accept.  In all the pain, guilt and anger, I am grateful to God that my Charles didn't suffer; the doctors said it was instant; I don't know if I could have made it thus far knowing he suffered.  Try not to blame yourself, you did the best you could.   Often times the only way God can show us HE is in control, is to put us into situations, we cannot control.

I miss him more than should be allowed and like you, I didn't know how I was going to survive without my Charles by my side, after all, were married for nearly 45 years.   I'll tell you this, it is NOT easy - the hardest thing I have ever had to do is learning to live my life without the love of my life.  But every day, I try because I know he would have wanted me to go on and live my life.  Everyday, I not only carry my heart, but his as well.  Everyday, I remember how my life is better, richer, and fuller because he was in it.  Everyday I know that the love we shared will always be; the memories we made will never leave my mind.  Everyday, I know that someday, my Charles and I will be together again, only this time it will be forever.   Talk about amazing. 

I am a strong believer in God and prayer.  This earth is not our home - it was never meant to be; we're simply passing though it to get home - Heaven.  One thing we all know is inevitable - that is death.  We all will go through it and I think it is the unknown and the darkness we fear when we look upon death, nothing more.   Death is simply a transition from this earth to eternal life.  These earthly bodies surrounding our souls cannot enter heaven so they return to dust from whence that came.  Our souls cannot be destroyed - they enter heaven where the angels are rejoicing their return home.

I hope you continue to post; there are some amazing people here who will offer their comfort, encouragement and support.  You are in my thoughts and prayers; may God Bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.