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I was just wondering how everyone has been doing so far.
How long have you been grieving and what are the changes you've noticed?
It's been about a month for me and it feels strange. I don't think I've been in much denial but I don't know.
I cried the first week but I had to pack up a lot of things and move out. I had to adjust to a new place and focus on what to do.
Does it hit you at random times or are you always feeling the absence of your loved one?
Do your friends or family react similarly or differently and does that bother you?
I don't have many so it's just me and when I cry I'm alone, which I suppose is fine since I can't be emotional around people.
Sometimes it feels like it's going to get harder, rather than easier. I know there's no specific process involved but I feel like I'm just becoming more aware that she's gone forever. I knew it from the first day but I still feel the impact of it growing. Is this what you experience too?
Also, do you have any contact or dreams or any strange occurrences?
Thanks for reading

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well another shitty day. physically and mentally I feel unwell.
I can't get over my dreams. She's just sitting there, dead but alive in a way. Not even responding. Just blank. It's horrifying.
I don't know how life can do this to anyone. I'm not the one with control. I don't even understand how I work. I'm just a conduit.
I just distract myself with bullshit because what else can I do. I go for walks and I eat to stay sane. I try to sleep and sometimes it's fine. but then I have dreams like these.
I just keep wondering what happens when we die. I just want to go now just to see what it feels like.
For some reason I think it would be similar to the life I'm already in. Hell.
Why have hope when I have no idea how any of this works?
It makes me feel like I've done something bad in some other life or perhaps even in THIS life and now I'm experiencing the consequences.
But it's scarier to think there's no meaning at all.

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