My heart is breaking

[melissa1026]

Hello everyone

I haven't been on in a long time. My husband has been ill for such a long time.. It has been a rollor coaster ride for the last 5 years.. He'd gotten better this last yr and we had such good times. Now he is so ill.. he wants to die. It hurts so much to think about loosing him. He's been my life for the last 23 yrs. I don't sleep at night for making sure he is breathing and making sure i am there and awake if he needs me. What do i do ? I am a nervous wreck just waiting for the when the time will come. I love him so much. How will i live without him. He's been such a joy in my life. I come here and read alot of posts. the ones where others have already lost there loved ones. It gives me strength to know that I can survive.. but I am so scared. I just thought by putting words in writing i might feel better. My heart is breaking at the thought of him dying. I know it won't be long.. His drs are trying everything. nothing is helping. I don't want him to be in pain anylonger but i don't want to let him go. I know i am not the only one in this situation and this site helps..

Just needed to get it out. thanks for listening

Love and Prayers to all

 

Melissa

[crushedheart]

melissa...I know all too well what you're going through ..I've been on your side of that scary fence to...My husband and I was my dad's caregiver..as dad's pain grew worse.. and his spirit grew less and less ..we knew his end time was soon to come..each night I'd lay awake terrified ..worried that I would find him gone by morning ..My husband would calm  my fears...then in July my beloved husband got sick ...I called an ambulance...they rushed him to the hospital and on life support..Oh My ...talk about scared I was..He finally came off life support on the 4th day ..woke up starving ...We all cheered just knowing he was going to be alright ..He was up and sitting in a chair eating ..drinking coffee...smiling ..thanking everyone that helped him ..Oh what a day that was...needless to say I was all smiles as was our 2 daughters... he was asking how my dad was doing ..Ect Ect...that evening they put him back to bed... and at about 1 am on the 26th ..he held our daughters hand ...kept repeating to her...*Don't you panic on me * ..then his monitor flat lined...Our world came to a sudden STOP...Then  2 weeks later my dad passed away ..I was so shocked and numb over my husband I don't even recall being at my dad's funeral...I know I was there...just can't remeber it ..So yes I know the road your walking melissa...My heart hurts for you ..be strong and know that your're not alone ...my prayers are with you ..hugsssssssss

[rodless]

Melissa, I also know how you feel. My husband was ill for five years although there were some ok times. That roller coaster of up and down is very hard to ride and so scary. Hope and despair in alternating cycles. Please stay with us. It always hepls to know others understand. Mary Jo

[kathy714]

Hi Melissa,i am so sorry for your husband's illness,i understand what you are going through.Reading your post ,i felt like i was reading about my life,my husband has also been sick for 5 years and we have been married for 27 years.John was diagnosed with cancer in 2002,he was doing well until aug and now it has been such a rollercoaster since.I have been out of work taking care of him,and i just don't stop,my heart is breaking,and watching what he is going through is killing me.I use to post on BI daily when my son Nathan passed away in 2005,but lately i just haven't,and now with the new format i feel lost.I just wanted to reply and let you know i will say a prayer for you and your husband...T/C,Kathy

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family