I cant sleep, I miss my mom so much!!

[vickisdaughter]

Its late & I cant sleep. My mom has been gone almost 5 yrs, I used to go to counseling & I loved it but with no insurance now I cant & for the most part I deal with her being gone pretty well. But tonight I hurt so bad inside I feel like I could die. I know shes in a better place and I have 5 great kids & Im pursuing my life long dream of being a nurse & I know shes somewhere watching down on us, but I am selfish..I want her here!!! My current living situation isnt the greatest & for the past few days I have found myself numerous times saying, I just wanna go home..but theres no home to go to, moms not there. To even type those words I cant hold back the tears.

I lost my stepfather(the only dad I ever had) 14 mos before my mother, he got killed on  his new motorcycle that only had 40 miles on it..a car ran a stop sign & hit him. My mother always drank but from what the doctors said she drank too much. She was sick for 3 months & died on her 48th bday, never really knew exactly for sure what she did die of. Therefore I am not a drinker, I never have been, I dont want to leave my children the way she left me. I was 26 when she died but I still needed her. It seems like since she has died I have made a few wrong decisions & I have overcame alot but today I just needed to get this all out. And I used to get on here all the time & it did help. Guess I will have to start again..thanks for lending an ear..

[agnaq111809]

I hear you.  I will pray for you to hang tough and finish your dream of becoming a nurse.   Your mother's waiting too for you to finish.  She's right there with you.  Just have to learn to hear her again.  My mom's been gone since November 18th and today I had a hard time hearing her.  Maybe she's going farther and farther behind but I will keep her close to me always till I go.  I will talk to her of everything that comes my way when I can't handle it.  I know that she will be listening to my cries wherever I am.  Even though I have doubts coming and going, I have faith as tiny as a grain of sand or a mustard seed that I will see her again. 

I can understand of your stepfather.  My mom and her companion of 28 years never got married.   She was still married to my dad, whom I never saw.  My mother's companion passed away in 2001.  I got to liking him there, fond of him.  He and my mother kept each other company.  Please find a quiet place, take a deep breath and be silent for a few minutes by yourself.  From there, you'll be in company of angels from above.  Let them bring you comfort and peace.  God Bless you and good night.

[butterfly13]

sometimes the only thing that keeps me going on is exactly what you said-faith,even as tiny as a grain of sand,that I will some day be with my mom again.I actually look forward to that day!!

[nicolea]

Dear Vickisdaughter,

I know how hard it is. I was so tormented too.  I just posted an experience that I had. I hope you will read it and that it will bring some peace to your heart.  It is titled, "I had an experience that might help, God came to me" something like that.

I will say a prayer for you today.

Nicole

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family