emptyness

[darren20yrs]

Two months ago I have lost a 20Year old son .  He died suddenly due to a

heart attack at such a young age. Darren was a strong lad 6ft 2 and very energetic.

An hour before he died he was playing basketball with his friends and then he died while watching a dvd with his friends. It is so painful and I still cant understand

why it happened to him. The only thing that keeps me going is my other son Andrew

23years old and my husband Tony. I feel that I have to keep on living for their sake.

But sometimes its difficult to put on a brave face. Will this pain go on for a very long ti

me sometimes I ask myself. Well I leave it in Gods Hands

Carmen

[shorty16]

Carmen,

You are in the right place.  We are all here, because we lost a piece of ourselves.  I lost my 16 year-old son from a completely preventable car crash.

Brian decided to climb on the hood of a car and his "friend" decided to drive 68 mph into a tree - killing Brian instantly.  The accident scene is 1/4 mile from our home.  The "Friend" is now an 18 year old felon.

No one wins.

The physical pain you feel now will subside with time, but the missing never goes away.  That is why we are all here.

Just keep posting.  Loss of an Adult child is the busiest posting area.  Even though my son was not an adult, this group accepts me.  I love it.

Colleen, Brians Mother Forever.

[mishty]

Dear Carmen:

I understand your feelings. I lost my son Stephen suddenly. He was found dead in his bed. The autopsy report said Cardiac Arthymium. They could find nothing else wrong. So that is the assumption. Stephen had lunch with me that day, toke his younger sister to practice driving. Nothing seemed wrong. He actually played tennis with friends that evening and than had a cookout at his apartment for a bunch of friends. His roomates heard him go to bed around 11 pm. He was never seen alive again.

He was always healthy. A tall strong young man. I think the shock is still with me. He passsed on Sept. 14th 2008.  Everyday is a sruggle but I keep trying for my younger children who miss and grieve so much for their big brother.

I started back with this group yesterday. I am hoping to find support here and understanding.  The people in my life who I thought I could count on have moved on from Stephen's death and they say and expect me too also. 

Be kind to yourself.

Misthy

[ericasmom]

Carmen adn Mishty,

I do hope you come to Loss of Adult Child as Colleen suggested, we are a group of loving parents who also lost their adult and sometimes teen and actually a couple of young ones too. Our group sees the most action because we know that to survive this loss is very hard, so as a group we find our support and our breath again. Many of our parents also lost their Children to heart issues, sudden, no signs. Please join us as we will hold you close both in our hearts and in our prayers. You needn't feel that you need to learn our names, that will take time, so come and post, share about your precious Sons.

I will promise you that you will not always feel this total empty shock you may have, one day, the hole in your hearts will fill with strength and sweet memories and the fight to live a good life for your Child who was not able to stay. I am 6.5 years without my Daughter, Erica. She was 19 when her car was hit by an Amtrak at a broken light in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I live just outside Chicago. Life does not return to the old life, but I do promise that it becomes a good life again with time and support.

blessings,

dee

[wibble5]

It will be one year March 16 when my beautiful daughter Kate passed away.  She was away on college break, got off a banana boat, took off her life vent and went into some kinda of seizure - just dropped dead.  She was an athlete - in outrageous health so this is so difficult to accept.  I was home alone and received a phone call from her girlfiend who was with her, using her phone, stating that "your daughter is dead" and then the phone lines went dead.  I wondered the street and passed out in the road while my 12year old watched.  I had to fight another country to get her body back with an autopsy that was botched up.  They wont release the slides because they do not want to hurt their toursim.  There were no medical people, ambulance, etc. prepared for medical emergencies.  Will I ever come to terms with this.  The pain sometimes practically debilitates me.  Its hard to push thru it.  Everyone says Im doing so great - that in itself is a mind issue to deal with.  I have never hurt so much in my life and I have beat cancer twice while she was a child.  six months after her death I was diagnosed with a tumor in my spinal column and had major spine surgery - I have fully recovered - not an easy task.  Fear encompasses me every day.  I need a connection with hope that there is a good life to have.  I read that you guys are years out since your trama and it makes me wonder - will I ever feel happiness again.

[hotrod]

[user=44019]wibble5[/user] wrote:

It will be one year March 16 when my beautiful daughter Kate passed away.  She was away on college break, got off a banana boat, took off her life vent and went into some kinda of seizure - just dropped dead.  

  Fear encompasses me every day.  I need a connection with hope that there is a good life to have.  I read that you guys are years out since your trama and it makes me wonder - will I ever feel happiness again.

Dear Kate'smom

Welcome to Beyond Indigo.  I am so very sorry for the pain that encompasses you each day.  You have come to the right place. 

 Here you will find  men and women who know exactly what it feels like to lose a child and attempt to go on in a world where they feel as if nothing makes sense.

Yes we come here for months, years after the loss because here we feel understood and supported as we venture out to rebuild our lives.  The rebuilding takes time and thre are many steps forwad and a few back.  Please come back , tell us about your daughter, post her picture and stay connected to people who understand  

We are all building a new normal where our beautiful children are spiritually present and surround us with their love.  My preciuos son, Stephen passed away nearly 3 years ago and I believe this site saved my life and sanity.  I came here often, and read without posting for nearly a year.  Then I began sharing and my heart and life expanded.  Please come back we need your experience.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[wibble5]

You know Betty, I look at your son's picture and I see my daughter.  I wonder when I see young men who she would have married and what her children would have looked like.  Young, vibrant, people who never had the chance.  I am experiencing physical symptoms which are new - I have trouble eating and am very anxious.  I am monitored continually with all kinds of doctors but I never feel a sense of calm.  Im afraid all the time.  I have been having flashbacks to that day.  Nobody told me with compassion, I was alone with a 12yr old and forgot she was there.  She watched me wander the street and pass out in the road.  I was taken to the hospital because I passed out three times - they thought I had taken such a shock that I had borken heart syndrome where my vessel would actually burst from blood rush.  My husband has become emotionally detached and I have an 18yr old daughter as well who insisted on going to the same college.  They had planned to lived together.  The pain is everywhere.  I work in the school system in town and Kate had begun working there too.  Everywhere I go I see and work with her old teachers.  I keep telling myself one minute at a time and I have surmounted so much.  We have amassed over $130,000 in dr bills due to having all our hearts tested with ultra sensitive machines.  We do not know what she died from and she was an athlete so we have to be cautious.  Even the 12yr old wore a heart monitor for 24hrs.

 

I feel like the elephant in the room whereever I go.  I have attened grieving places geared toward my daughters as well as myself and my husband is trying.  We all hurt so much and I have such a tireing time trying to keep everyones heart whole.  Do other mothers find the same?

Everyone says Im doing so well.  What does so well mean? 

Geri

[hotrod]

Dear Geri

You are not alone.  The fear, sadness, and loss that you feel is very normal for all of us  who have suffered the loss of a child.  I am so very sorry for the lack of understanding and compassion that you experienced at the beginninig of your loss. 

It is wise that you continue to attend your grief group and are following up with the medical test for the entire family.  The loss of yur precious daughter has really changed the family interaction and it will take time for you all to adjust to the new demands of life 

Be very gentle with yourself and with each other.  These feelings will lessen and the pain will not be as profound in years to come.  I found coming here posting pictures of my son and sharing about his life reallly helped in my healing.  I will always MISS him.  Life will always be changed and we must get along with a new normal but it is possible. 

I found setting up a Memorial Web site for Stephen really helped my healing.  It is free and this is the site I used

http://hotrod.last-memories.com

You might find that helpful and please come here often

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

[konniet]

I am so sorry for your pain. I know how you feel my son was 31 died of an accidental carbon monixide poisoning. Dec 9 2009 been 9 months and seems like yesterday to me. I am new to this site but I come on every morning and read post put on and then I know how much Im not alone. Everyone on here has been thru what you have and it does help to read and know that they do care. I dont post much on here just like to read everyone elses post and oh how I can relate to them. The hard time breathing is exactly how I feel at times but it does get easier with time to breath that is. The pain will lesson as time goes on but will always be with us it just becomes bearable that is all. Just know we do care and you need to talk just come on here a put it down we will listen and not judge. God Bless You Trents mom Konnie