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Approaching One Year Mark


findinghope

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Hello,

I have just joined your community.  I lost my older sister very suddenly in February of last year.  She was just 33 years old, and she had been sick for several days with what she thought was a flu but turned out to be a fatal stomach ulcer (which she was unaware that she had).  I never got to say goodbye to her, or to hold her one last time, or to comfort her and be with her through her death.  This haunts me still, the thoughts of her passing and being in pain, and alone. 

And as the one year anniversary approaches, I find myself deeper and deeper in grief.  A new kind of grief, unlike any I have experienced so far during this journey.  I am wondering if anyone could offer some words of advice, or comfort, or simply understanding.  I have a younger sister who lives far from me and whom I am very close to, so this compounds the difficulty and the feelings of lonliness and isolation.  My husband is a wonderful support, but simply can't identify with this.   

Thank you and I am so grateful for any help. 

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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I also am approaching the one year mark of my sons death. I too am having a very hard time coping with this I live in Florida and my other kids live in Indiana I know I cant afford to go home and be with them but I am going to find a way to do it because I think we need to help each other thru the anv. I think you need to go be with your other sister and help each other on that day just a suggestion. No one knows your pain but you so you do what you have to to try to make this a little easier I know nothing will make it easy but do it for yourself.Some people say oh my its been a year you should be able to get past this by now they obviously havent been thru it so they have no idea the pain we go thru. My thoughts are with you and hope you can find a way to go thru this day with much comfort I know Im going to try in Dec to make it home Konnie

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As Trent's Mom mentioned there will be a few/some people out there who will think that grieving for a year is sufficient time to overcome the sadness and pain, but they obviously don't understand. But I've learned to not fault them for it or take it too personally. After all, I'm sure we'd all love to have that sense of ignorance again.

FindingHope, It's been over a year since you posted that message, but I hope that you have been able to meet with your sister and really have a heart-to-heart. My older brother passed almost 6 years ago, and I still think about him every single day and yes, it still hurts, but it's also what drives me to do things that I know would make him proud. And I'm positive your older sister is extremely proud of you.

Warmest regards,

Fleming

Warm Tribute Online Memorials

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In my experiance one year is nothing when it comes to losing someone you love. My grief was very intense at that piont...on August 25th will be the TEN year mark for me. And I'm still not done greiving and I dont know if I will ever heal from the circumstances surrounding my brothers death. Or completly from his loss until I see him agian....I'm able to feel joy and peace at times agian though. No one can understand exaclty what we go through...every loss is differant and everyone greives differantly...but many can relate.

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In my experiance one year is nothing when it comes to losing someone you love. My grief was very intense at that piont...on August 25th will be the TEN year mark for me. And I'm still not done greiving and I dont know if I will ever heal from the circumstances surrounding my brothers death. Or completly from his loss until I see him agian....I'm able to feel joy and peace at times agian though. No one can understand exaclty what we go through...every loss is differant and everyone greives differantly...but many can relate.

Caffuss,

At one year, my grief actually spiked and got worse than it had been in the previous few months. However, that pain did lessen, and I began to move forward again. I, too, will never get over some issues about my brother's death. I have emotional scars that erupt from time to time, although it's been over 30 years. The traumas of the experience left their marks. Even today, the wailing of sirens and knocks on the door in the middle of the night send terror through me. I am extremely sensitive about my children driving in bad weather, and I worry myself silly when they get in cars with other people. So I can relate to the emotional scars you are feeling.

ModKonnie

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