lost my 17 year old son on 11/28/2009

[namb1992]

I lost my 17 year old son after he fell asleep while driving home on 11/28/2009 around 2:45 a.m. I will never forget the police and chaplain at my door.  I tried to send them away and convince them that it wasn't my son.  It was to be our families thanksgiving and he promised me he would be there and he wasn't going to lie to me.  My thanksgiving in 2009 never happened for me and my children because Nate was gone.  My loss is great and I am having a difficult time adjusting to my life without him.  I have 3 other younger children that I get up everyday for but in the silence of night I cry and mourn for Nathan.  I do not understand why God choose my son, why he only let him be with me for 17 years.  He was a wonderful son with so much potential in school and soccer.  He made friends with everyone.  I have a hard time accepting life without him.  I ask God everyday why he didn't take me and spare his life.  He had so much more to do.  I feel like God has punished me taking my son.  I haven't been able to return to work but everyone keeps asking.  I have people tell me to be happy and to not be so hard on myself.  Happy is hard to find.  I have problems concentrating, eating and sleeping.  I think of him every minute of everyday.  I visit the cemetary all the time and cry for him like the morning the chaplain and police came to my door.  The overwhelming feeling of despair and pain is overwhelming at times.  It is hard to tell people how it feels to have lost my son.  I wish I could be there is this emptiness, this hole that never fills, an overwhelming feeling of loss that appears at any moment.  The fear of going places that I went with him and the despair to crawl in a hole and disappear.  Nate was my "gift".  I don't know how to live this life without him.  I don't know where to begin or what is expected of me know.

[zachysmom]

Come to loss of an adult child. You are not alone in your grief here.

[mikesmum]

Kim - I am so sorry for the loss of your Nate.   How do we go on each day after losing our child, well as I found out from those here, taking it one heartbeat, one breath one step at a time.  Having other kids even a job to go to doesn't fill that hole you now find in your life.

My name is Trudi and I loss my son Mike in Jan 07.  I found this site in the middle of the night about 4 months after Mike left.  I wasn't sleeping or functioning and missed my boy so much. 

Please try if you can to come over to Loss of an Adult Child.  You will find many who have lived your nightmare.  The support and understanding is amazing...

Pls take care of yourself.  Eat as best you can, drink plenty of water and sleep if and when you can.....it is a journey of no particular direction with no real plan to follow.

Trudi

[hotsauce]

Dear KIM,

i am so sorry for the lost of your son NATHAN.  we all know how if feel to have lost and angel. 

my name is mary ann (hotsauce) and i lost my only child BRIAN, on 5-1-09 to leukemia.  this is a great group of people and they can all help you on your journey.

again i am sorry, sign on to loss of an adult child, you may be able to get some good advice to help you alone the way.

hugs

mary ann (hotsauce)

BRIAN'S momdukes

[hotrod]

Dear KIm

I just want to extend my heartfelt sympathy to you for the loss of your precious son Nathan.  I am glad you found BI.  You will find people on this Board who really understand.  You will know that you are not alone and you will never be urged to "get over it" or "be happy" .  

We have /are all walking the same road as you are and know the pain and heartache. 

 As has been suggested - please come to the Loss of Adult Child Board and share with all of us.  It helps to be with people who "know".

My name is Betty and I lost my only son Stephen 5-6-07.

  This board has saved my sanity 

Stephen'smom Betty:)

[shorty16]

Kim

Sorry you have to be here, but so glad to hear from you.  I have called you once, but you were not home.

I am sure you will recognize my post by Brian's picture.

Your feelings are normal.  Overwhelming, but normal.

I am always willing to talk with you, share our experiences and try to help you understand this journey we are all on.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[bjsmom]

Hello Kim, my name is Deneace and I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son Nate. I lost my oldest son Bj, age 19, in a car wreck on 11/09/08. Although it's been a little over a year, the pain is still so raw. Everything you have described is what I have/am going through, even now. I also have 2 younger boys, this is what keeps me going day by day. Without them, I would have been completely lost, only wanting to be with my oldest. I believe everyone grieves in their own way, but when it comes to a child the pain of loss never really goes away. The unexpectedness, the never seeing again, one minute they are here, the next they're gone. Everything you wanted to say, so many regrets. The biggest hurt is missing my son, I miss him with every breath. Now I can only hope, hope is everything to me. No one can tell you what to feel, for only you can know. Just remember that our thoughts are with you & Nate here at BI.

Deneace(BjsMom)

[mymallory]

i am so sorry for your loss! the annivesary of my daughter who was 11 is coming up on april 23! you never get over it and i am still try so hard to hang in there! i wish much love and hope the best for you!!!

[namb1992]

[user=24569]mymallory[/user] wrote:

i am so sorry for your loss! the annivesary of my daughter who was 11 is coming up on april 23! you never get over it and i am still try so hard to hang in there! i wish much love and hope the best for you!!!

thank you.  I never know what to say to anyone.  All of our losses are so great and the days are so different.  I am glad that I found this site.

[namb1992]

Nate has been gone 7 weeks and 4 days today.  My son fell asleep so the one thing that I am thankful for is that he never knew what happened.  The hardest part is not being able to say those I love yous one more time or not seeing their precious faces.  When I wake up I say I am going to try to have a good day but then the loss hits me like it just happened.  I tried to return to work this week for 1/2 days and have just sat in my office with constant thoughts of him and it is really hard to focus on work.  I second guess my decision to return but it is just as sad to be at home.  I question God everyday why he took my child and made me endure such pain.  I miss my son so much.  I am glad to be part of this group.  Sometimes I just read because I don't know what to say and I just glad to know that I am not alone.

[tschrum]

I am so very sorry for the loss of you son, Nathan.  My only child, Steven, died at 19 of an accidental methadone overdose.  Tomorrow it will 2 years.  I miss him incredibly and EVERYTHING reminds me of him.  Restaurants, soccer fields, the elementary school he attended just down the street.  The smell of Abercrombie Fierce.  BUT, I want to tell you it has gotten better--it doesn't hurt less, but at least for me, it hurts less frequently.  I'm happy more than I'm sad, and feel incredibly blessed to be his mother.  You are in my prayers.

 

[namb1992]

It will be 11 weeks on Saturday and I have had a bad week and a half.  I have missed him so much, have tried to bargain with God to somehow let him come back.  My heart aches to see him and I know I can't.  Every place I go reminds me of him or some function we were at.  I picked my daughter up from high school the other day and bursted into tears.  I saw all his friend and kids his age coming out laughing and joking around wishing that Nate would appear.  Everything in my life has changed.  It is like a piece of me has disappeared and no matter what road I travel down I can't find it.  I feel lost in this world.  Most days I go thru the motions not really knowing what I am doing.  Gpd has given me such a burden to bear but I truly don't feel like I am up to overcoming in.  I miss him so much

[tschrum]

Have you talked to your dr?  Your loss can cause chemical changes in your brain--I started taking an antidepressant a couple of months after my own  loss and it helped to lift some of the dark clouds.  You may feel God gave you this burden to bear, but he also gave you the blessing of your son.  11 weeks is really just the beginning of your journey--don't give up! You're in my thoughts and prayers. xxxooo

[ericasmom]

PERHAPS THINKING THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO OVERCOME THIS BURDEN OF LOSS IS TOO BIG A CONCEPT...AT ELEVEN WEEKS, THAT WAS FAR TOO MUCH FOR ME TO FATHOM. RATHER THINKING THAT SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER YOU HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR, 11 WEEKS, AND THAT SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE 10.5 WEEKS AGO, SO BE PROUD OF THE GAINS YOU HAVE MADE. NOW IF THEY ONLY FEEL LIKE NO GAINS, LIKE PEDDALING BACKWARDS, WELCOME TO THE CLUB, WE ALL TRIP BACKWARD AFTER AN INCH OF GOING FORWARD, ESPECIALLY THAT FIRST YEAR. I PROMISE THAT ONE DAY, BUT NOT NOW, NOT SOON, HOWEVER IT WILL HAPPEN, THAT YOU WILL FEEL BETTER THAN THIS. YOU WILL ALWAYS MISS YOUR SON, ALWAYS WISH THAT HE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TO GROW UP AND DO THE THINGS THAT HE DREAMED, BUT ONE DAY YOU WON'T ACHE AS YOU DO NOW. YOU WILL LAUGH AGAIN, YOU WILL HAVE DREAMS AGAIN, YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS IN THE SIMPLE THINGS THT SURROUND YOU ONE DAY.

IF YOU HAVE NOT YET READ "THE WORST LOSS" YOU MAY TAKE SOME SOLACE IN DOING SO. I READ THIS BOOK WRITTEN BY TWO MOMS WHO LOST THEIR CHILDREN, AND I LOVED IT. I DO NOT READ SELF HELP BOOKS BY NATURE, BUT THIS ONE I DID AND GOT A LOT FROM IT. MY GIRL DIED 6.5 YEARS AGO AT THE AGE OF 19, AND I REMAIN ON THIS SITE BECAUSE OF HOW IT HELPED ME SEE THAT I WALKED A SIMILAR PATH AS OTHERS, AND WHEN I FOUND MY WAY IN THIS MAZE, I FIGURED THAT MY JOB NOW IS TO ASSURE AS BEST I CAN, THAT LIFE WILL ONE DAY HOLD ALL OF YOUR MEMORIES AND STILL ALLOW YOU TO MOVE FORWARD WITH THTE LIVES OF THOSE YOU LOVE.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HIS MOMMA, AND HE YOUR SON, AND ONE DAY, THAT THOUGHT WILL BE A PEACEFUL ONE.

DEE

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

[konniet]

I feel the same way you do. I lost my son he was 31 to carbon monoxide poison it was an accident . He left behind a beautiful little girl which breaks my heart to know he wont see her go thru her life accomplishments .She was the light of his life he loved her so much. He use to call me all the time for no reason just to chat and at the end of each conversation he always said love you mom oh how I miss that. Trent died 12/09/09 and it seems like just yesterday I go thru the paces but that is all I do. Just know you arent alone and god bless you and take care of yourself for your other children they are grieving too in their own way.